Co-Habitation Prior to Marriage?

Question

Hello All,

I am a communication studies major and am doing a presentation on the topic of co-habitation prior to being married.

I want to give an unbiased presentation and just give the pro's and con's of the issue... but am having a very hard time finding and sites or organizations supporting co-habitation before marriage.

Does anyone know of any sites or research that do support it?? What are your thoughts and what not?

Thanks for your help!

Answer 1

Hi there,
I live in Australia and tried to do some searching for you....

This article is interesting:
http://www.smh.com.au/articles/2003/02/12/1044927663801.html

and this from the Australian Bureau of statistics:
http://www.abs.gov.au/ausstats/abs@.nsf/2f762f95845417aeca25706c00834efa/96d80c4fe328a512ca2570ec00751800!OpenDocument

Every other link I found had a religious focus which Im sure you've already accessed.

From personal experience, we have been living together for 3 years, got married this year and our relationship is strong and happy.

Good luck with your paper.

Answer 2

I think that cohabitation before marriage has it's pros and cons...The "pro" is that you REALLY get to know the person you're considering as a life partner. There are many things that you will never know about someone until you live with them. Many people divorce because they end up finding out that they really don't click as well as they thought. If they had lived together for a year or two first, they would have found out before hand and could have avoided divorce. I am currently cohabitating, and I personally know several couples who have cohabitated for years before getting married- and they are doing just fine! The "con" would be possible instability within the relationship since it is either partner is "free to leave" if ever they choose to. If children are in the picture, that instability can be a really bad thing. But if two people are childless and decide to cohabitate, I think it's perfectly fine and a matter of preference. I think that if two people truly love eachother, they don't need a marriage certificate to hold onto eachother.

Answer 3

Well, I think 1 pro is that you'll get to know the other person better.
A con would be having the perks of marriage, but not really being married. Some people feel really bad after, & loose their respect for each other. It's a big decision. That would be my opinion. I think if people want to live together they should really just consider getting married. The media doesn't really see the value in that, but I think a lot of people feel otherwise. I'm pretty conservative about my views not just because of tradition, but because there's usually a good reason behind things; & sometimes people don't always know whats good for them until it's too late.
For better, or worse. . .

Answer 4

My fiance moved in before we were even a serious couple. It's working out great. The only reason that we're not married right now is because we're too busy living in Asia to bother going home and getting married. The only reason we're getting married is to have a wedding and get some of the legal benefits! We're already commited 110%. It's no test trial. We were both against love and relationships at the beginning let alone marriage but, I suppose it happens.

Dating advice, especially dating advice that makes generalisations about men (they must chase/only think about sex and only the physical aspects/finding a man who wants to marry is hard) and women (they all want marriage and babies/sex is purely emotional and a commitment thing for women) is a very nice and entertaining but, certainly nothing to live by. It annoys me so much to read garbage like that! Gender stereotypes are downright offensive and depressingly ignorant.

Answer 5

My husband and I "lived in sin" before we were married, but I think it helped strenghthen our marriage...we knew how to work with eachother and run a household, and it all happened very naturally, we don't feel shamed about it like his parents wanted us to feel. We got married when it made sense for us financially, We feel that we were married long before it was ever documented on paper.
I think it just depends on the type of people who live together. Some couples take their relationship seriously and cherish it and protect it, and some couples do not.

Answer 6

I personally feel that it is not needed. My husband and I wrote letters for 2 years (he was in the navy) but only saw each other 2 months before we got married. That was 22 yrs ago. I think it strengthened our marriage to learn and grow together. I have no regrets!

Answer 7

This is one link
http://www.veggieboards.com/boards/showthread.php?t=36127&page=8

advise women not to live with a man before marriage. Familiarity breeds contempt, especially for men.

Men need "chase space" to fall in love. They need to be inspired by a woman who is high maintenance in the love department. If you become his undocumented wife, housekeeper, lover, companion and friend, and share the finances for the apartment,food and entertainment, he won't be able to chase you nor will he be willing to marry you easily, because he knows too much about you. Why should he marry you when he doesn't really have to?

If a woman requires a man to make a commitment before sex, to a long term goal of marriage and monogamy, she may lose the guy who only wants sex, but she will not lose a man who wants to marry. If a woman requires at least an engagement ring and a wedding date before living with him, she may lose the man who wants a freebie loaner wife, but not the man who wants to marry.

Romance happens in the courtship phase. It's purpose is to build good positive memories on which a marriage can be built. If you live together, the natural problems which will emerge, will disallow romantic fantasies which are so important. Not enough day dreaming time and too much problem solving can make a relationship a business deal rather than an exchange of respect for cherishing.

In the western world, where marriages are romantically based rather than "arranged", living together is statistically not a good way to begin or build a romance leading to a good marriage.

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Answer 8

If you ask my grandmother that she would says its unacceptable. If you ask me, I think its necessary. You really need to live with someone to see how you guys get along sharing that kind of space and intamacy. Then again, I know people who lived together for 3 years, dated for 7 and the marrage isnt working out ....DOH.

Answer 9

Im 40 & should know better but I don't believe in living together before marriage. You know that saying "why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free" but I'm old fashioned.

Answer 10

I believe it's ok to live together. Actually, I think it should be encouraged. There is nothing wrong with being as aware of what you are getting into as possible. People aren't really themselves until you are with them in a living situation.