Leaving marriage for old flame?

Question

We have been married for 10 years, We just had a newborn and was a difficult year. At our most vulnerable point, an old flame from ten years somehow contacts my wife, she goes crazy and starts having a phone/email affair, calls it destiny.

I catch her and tried to work thru our issues since I love her & newborn and was afraid to lose the current life we have. She promises! 2 months later, I catch her again phone/email affair, old flame lives on a different continent. I begged her to stop everything and lets work things out, see a marriage counselor etc...
She wants to go see old flame [also married with child] once to try to rekindle what happened ten years ago. She says she loves me, our son but can't get old flame out of her head.

I don't want to lose her, my son, our life, eventhough she is willing to sacrifice our marriage/old flames marriage for destiny's sake.

Is my marriage over? Painfully is it time to let her go?

Answer 1

Sounds like your wife is getting the attention from Mr. X that she wasn't getting from you.
Unfortuntely, when there's difficulty in a marriage, and then all of a sudden there's a new baby, life goes into overload. However, caring for an infant makes a woman feel almost invisible because her life, especially in the first few months, is only about (breast)feeding, diaper changes, and putting the baby to sleep. With the lack of sleep and the limited amount of personally time, women need EXTRA pampering and attention to keep from disappearing. Sounds like she was just going thru the motions of a routine boring life, and the old flame has brought some excitement and a spark back into her life. She's feeling alive at the moment, probably something she hasn't felt in a very long time. Hard to say what you can do at this point, especially if she is adamant on going to see him. Don't blame her if she does. Maybe she just needs to get it out of her system. Who knows. Maybe you can reflect on what your position was in all of this, and if you weren't as attentive and loving as you should've been, try giving her what she needs now before it's too late. Pampering and attention... that's what she needs. Go sweep your wife off her feet!

Answer 2

No the marriage isn't over (yet) because you both are still willing to stay married.
You only deserve a divorce if you did everything you could to save your marriage but it always ends up unsuccessful.
If your wife really loved you, she wouldn't think about "hurting" you and start up an affair. Do you really want to spend your life with someone you have to share with someone else?
Try seperating for awhile and see how that works out. You can't live with her right now because it's unhealthy and it can even make you sick. She isn't going to give up thinking about her old flame and communicating with him anytime soon anyway. It's time to take care of you so you can be a good father to your kid. If the seperation thing works out well, then maybe you should get a divorce and move on. An faithful husband deserves a faithful wife.

Answer 3

Sorry to break it too you, but yes it is. If your wife is willing to sacrafice everything you both have been through, for a fling, you don't need to be with her. It sounds like your married to a child. Because that's not only immature, that's just wrong. Never in my life would I put my marriage on the spot like that. Especially with a newborn baby? Not me, you deserve a real woman. And a real woman wouldn't pull that childish ****. Let me tell you, if one of my ex's tried to get a hold of me, I would think nothing of it, simply because I am so in love right now, there is no "GUY" on the face of this earth who can take me away from my man.

Answer 4

It sounds like she is determined to ruin two marriages. For some reason she wants to explore this old-new relationship no matter how many people she hurts.

Has she had problems with post-partum depression? I know it isn't popular right now, but it really is an issue that women deal with after the birth of a baby. That may be part of her problem.

Answer 5

what are these women of the world becoming? maybe there should be lease contracts on marriages, 5,10 year to see if you want to renew.at least you would know ahead of time."We just had a newborn and was a difficult year". did you get to work to get ready for a new life and then come home & rub her pregnant feet? i suppose her employer dosen't mind her leaving? .what a woman. i believe your life is about to be a lot better then you now realize. do you still remember any of your dreams?

Answer 6

She has to make her own decisions. Unfortunately for her, her decisions affect you and your child. Her cheating on you once is bad enough, but her promises seem to not mean much considering she cheating again. You said in your question that she is willing to sacrafice your marriage for another relationship. That is your answer...she is willing to risk losing you, and you don't deserve to be treated like that. You are committed to someone who does not share that commitment. It is time to move on, and find happiness elsewhere. You share a child together, so you will always have a parental relationship, but that is where it ends. The sooner you end this relationship, the sooner you can move on and take care of yourself and your child.

Answer 7

i know this isn't the answer you're looking for, but if she is continuing the "affair" even after you've caught her, and is essentially refusing to repair the marriage, there is nothing there to save. i went through something very similar, though it wasn't an old flame of hers, it was a new one. if you're truly worried about her taking your child, file for an immediate restraining order, along with divorce papers. she will either go along with it, so she can be with the home wrecker, or she will see the error of her ways and truly want to work things out. either way, i wish you the very best of luck.

Answer 8

Maybe if she goes to see him, she will see why he is an "OLD" flame and not a current one. She is going to do whatever she wants, and even though it is selfish it is true. If she cheats on you then at least you will have a good chance in divorce court.

Good Luck!

Answer 9

Did you go see the counsellor?
You had a baby it was a hard year and your wife has lost it?Seriously either this guy is all she wants or he's playing her either way your the one who is getting hurt...
Family counselling now for you two.

Answer 10

I have no answer for you my friend but I just want to give you a cyber hug. Your wife is self-absorbed, selfish & self centered. I'd give her the ultimatum...him or you...choose now...if she chooses him, personally, I'd take your son and move away. He and you deserve a mother/wife who has their best interest at heart. I'm truly sorry for the pain she is putting you through.