Would a counsellor have the power to make me love him when I don't think I ever did?
2006-11-04 17:06:56 · 28 answers · asked by kellie69 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Couenselors can do wonders. There are many things a councelor can bring out that you never thought of. Blocks in the relationship you never thought of. Maybe some of these things are stopping your love. People give up on marriages too easily. That is the problem with our american culture today. People throw away marriages right and left. Marriage is a commitment even through the times when you don't feel the love. Otherwise its just a boy friend and girlfriend relationship with a fancy name. Especially when there are kids involved, you have an obligation to try to make it work. Now, this isn't about you alone. You have others to think about now. Good luck!
2006-11-04 17:16:54 · answer #1 · answered by fedup 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Is this a new development or have you felt this way a long time?
Is there something your hubby did, or didn't do that made you feel this way?
If it is just a matter of the passion cooling, there is a lot that can be done to bring it back and it has nothing to do with him. It is things that you can do, and if he has even the slightest hint of love for you left, it will spring it to life again.
One thing I have learned in my 40 years of loving and being loved, it is that love is not a feeling. Love is a behavior. The feelings we call love are usually lust (wanting sex and all that is involved with that). While there is nothing wrong with lust in my opinion, it is always short lived, especially with men. We want you bad, then once we have you for a few months / years we loose interest. Keeping the interest requires WORK and many people don't invest in it and thus they "fall out of love".
When I learned that love wasn't a feeling, I didn't feel like a failure when I didn't have the same burning desire to be with my wife like I did the first few months we were together. There is a deep and richness to behaving in a loving way - even when I don't feel like it! Loving my wife becomes less to do with me, and more to do with just loving her without expecting ANYTHING in return, not even a "thank you". It is really quite freeing.
A counselor may help you see more clearly, but they won't make you feel one way or the other. A counselor can also help you two communicate better.
Having kids, you will ALWAYS have a relationship with this man, even if you get divorced. Divorce is a super painful thing to do, especially with kids. Sometimes it is necessary and the kindest thing you can do, but I would suggest you exhaust every other option first.
2006-11-05 01:27:30 · answer #2 · answered by taotemu 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
"Would a counsellor have the power to make me love him when I don't think I ever did?"
No, but couseling might. There must have been some original attraction and reason for your having made a commitment. You need to get back in touch with that, especially if he treats you with kindness and because you have children with him. The kids need a mom and a dad. Many couples that have lost the loving feeling stay together until the kids are grown, then split. That might be a consideration for you.
2006-11-05 01:15:42 · answer #3 · answered by SafetyDancer 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Love is a choice. There will be times when you are annoyed, angry, upset, tired, and so will be the other person, so you may feel these things more, but you know you love someone. There is attraction in the beginning, and when things are great they reappear again and again in the relationship, and things seem natural and easy. But the rest of the time, because life is hard, you really have to work at it. Just like a job, but a relationship can bring comfort, love, affection, relief, and partnership. Say something about how you feel, respectfully. Tell the other person you think something is missing and you want to find out what it is together. Hope this helps.
2006-11-05 01:33:42 · answer #4 · answered by riscrispy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Nobody can make you love someone, and if you say you never loved him, then you haven't really lost anything. Love is not the most important thing in relationships however, and I guess it is the romantic fireworks type of thing you may want, which at this stage is probably unrealistic. You must have found something about him that you at least liked to have married him, what were those things? Is he good to you and your kids? Are you friends at least? Focus on the positive aspects of what you have, not what you don't have OK. And if he doesn't treat you or your kids properly, then you should think about getting out so you both, and your kids don't suffer in the dysfunctional atmosphere of parents hating each other. Good luck, and take care!!!!
2006-11-05 01:15:21 · answer #5 · answered by Crowfeather 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, it could be that your hubby has qualities that are hidden and once you discuss things in the open, they will come out. YOu might appreciate some of these qualities, if they do exist. Yes, I would say c a counsellor. It is worth trying, for the sake of your children.
2006-11-05 01:11:27 · answer #6 · answered by seek_fulfill 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
For one, WHY would you marry someone you had NO love for at all? That's just ****** up right there. I mean if you are even old enough to know the feeling of love, then you shouldn't have married him. There is no counselor nor person who can make you love someone, if you really don't. You need to break this off, and try your best to not hurt anyones feelings. And before you get married again maybe you should rethink whether you really love the person or not.
2006-11-05 01:15:18 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you do not love your hubby then a counselor will be useless. A marriage counselor is one that helps you save your marriage, they do not put a magic spell so you can fall in love with your spouse.
If you want to save your marriage then seek a counselor, if you know in your heart that you are not happy with your husband and you do not love him, then consider seperating from him. Do not stay in a relationship for the kids. The kids would rather see both parents happy and seperated than both parents together and miserable.
2006-11-05 01:13:42 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
No one can make you love someone. You either feel it or you don't. Its better to let this relationship go for your kids sake because if there is no love, then things may turn for the worse. Kids should be brought up in a home with love. Good Luck!
2006-11-05 01:08:52 · answer #9 · answered by nikki_butterfly777 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Nows a bad time to think about that,,, shoulda before the kids,,,
Love is over rated,,,, if he is good to you and you get along ,,, build on that think of the positives in life,, and your kids ,, they NEED and DESERVE to have two parents,,,, stay off the net ,,, looking for another,,,,, and work on making the best of your situation,,, could be worse he could beat you and treat you really bad,,, my daughter is pretty and 27 and can't find a decent guy and she has gone thru a bunch,,,, now is single and not looking because of all the trash out there,,,,,,,,
2006-11-05 01:13:56 · answer #10 · answered by S h 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋