I am engaged and am worried that it may be the wrong thing to do. We have a 17 month old son and he's my world

Question

All daddy does lately is smoke pot. Every day! When I got pregnant he quit to finish college and get a good job. Well he goes to work and that's about it. He barely spends any sober time with us at all. We have terrible communication and he's seriously addicted to fantisy sports online and watching sports on TV. I'm a very busy person and love being on the go. He never wants to go to the park or anything with us and refuses to seek counceling. He also knows I can't stand pot smokers! What should I do? Marry him? Ultimatum? We already have a bunch of money saved up for a house and have many plans for the future??? I don't want to make a big mistake but I also feel like leaving the father of my child would be a big mistake as well. He does have a lot of good qualities. HelP!!!

Answer 1

it would be much better to end this now! it will be so much harder to end it after you are married. you dont have to break up, you could tell him, i'm not going to marry you until you make some changes. on the other hand, that may never happen so be prepared to move on. it wouldnt be a big mistake to leave the father of your child. it would however be a big mistake to let your child see his daddy smoking pot all the time. is that the environment you want your child to be raised in?
be strong, decide what you want and stick to it. there are good men out there that will respect you and your child, who wont teach your child that smoking pot is acceptable.

Answer 2

If he was serious about you and your baby then he would quit such a bad habit. He is supposed to be setting a good example for your child. If your world is your child then you need to give your fiance a choice, smoke pot or have a life with you and take care of your child together.
Also, don't let anybody tell you that your are a bad person just because you are living with someone before marriage. I think all couples should live together before you marry. How can you decide if you want to live the rest of your life with someone if you have never tried living with them! And there is nothing wrong with premarital sex in my opinion, I think that if you are both grown, willing, ready, and are being safe(condoms,birth control,etc) then you should go for it! This your only life to live, make the best out of it!

Answer 3

I would advise you not to marry this guy. He isn't going to get better. If anything, he will get worse. You can't marry someone and think he will change. This is who he is. He isn't a family man. Doesn't sound like he'd be a good father. Anything is not better than nothing. He's the sperm donor, not a father. He knows you don't like pot smokers, but he still chooses to smoke pot. And if you marry him, it's just an invitation to continue doing what he did before, because you've shown him it doesn't really matter.

Answer 4

Obviously this hasn't just happened. You obviously had terrible communication in the very beginning which makes me wonder WHY you got involved in the first place. You've already made a HUGE mistake and it created a child. YOU are responsible for the raising of that child...hopefully cps will get wind of you having a child in the home where someone smokes pot and they will come and take that child to a family who actually cares for him. IF your child was "your world" then you would not allow him to be exposed to this and would have left a long time ago...the problem isn't that this guy has any good qualities, it is because you LIKE it. And your child will suffer for it. GROW UP.
Now be sure to go whinning and tattleing to Yahoo that I 'offended' you by telling the truth.

Answer 5

you may not find out answers to BIG life complex questions on the web. It's a good start but this is huge.
I feel if you seek proefessional help in your area you may get some more references and assistance to not fall into the "drug/pot smoker" life. If you live in a smaller town and do not know where to go, check the local hospital or other social service organizations. You do NOT need advice from internet users; you can listen to your heart and see your life and child in this picture or not?

Certainly do NOT listen to stupid idiots like "mr. Curious" above (what a sh*thead).
GOOD LUCK, Life is tough, but you know what to do!!

Answer 6

while he may have his good qualities, the fact that you are considering leaving him should tell you that the bad out weigh the good. I hope he isn't smoking it around your baby. From what I have seen in the last 10 years or so, children who have parents that smoke pot usually end up pot heads themselves. I think that you should get rid of him and find someone who is willing and wants to share a life with you, not just spend it with you. good luck

Answer 7

ask your self this do you want to raise your child around drugs? children will do what they see. if daddy does it why cant i? and as far as dad not spending time with you and your son think of harry chappen's song cats in a cradle.as a father of 5 kids. i spend a lot of time working but i always make time for my kids. even if it means only getting 1 to 4 hrs sleep a day.do i think you should marry this guy i say NO.that little boy of yours should be your first pirouette.love your child and love your self.i hop that every thing works out for you and you make the right decision

Answer 8

What is the hurry in getting married?? I think separating for now would be a wise move. He may figure out what he's missing out on and change his behavior, and he may not. It's best to check this out now - before marriage!

I'm talking from experience. I married the father of my infant daughter, because I felt it was the right thing to do. His behavior never really changed, and he ended up dying while driving drunk on a motorcycle his "mistress" bought for him.

Don't go ahead with the marriage!

Answer 9

DOnt listen to anyone that tells you to give your child up for adoption. Of course marry him! he is the father of your son. Family unit is always #1. he smokes pot-big deal-there are much worse things a person could do. Does not make him a bad person or father. Sounds like he makes some money, as long as thats happening everything's fine. Think about your son and what he wants.

Answer 10

Don't marry him...yet. I say get your own place with your baby and tell him he can come over and visit any time but that you aren't liking the way things are going because of his pot smoking lazy ways and you aren't compromising the way you feel on this. Tell him he can continue to smoke all he wants to, but you and the baby are moving on. This will let him know that your not trying to control him because if he gets this impression he will just probably lie and say he quit smoking, then just do it behind your back. He is going to have to see you moving on without him and then he will have to decide what is important...more important anyway.