he says he loves me and doesn't want to leave me.i think he is just afraid of what people will think of him.i do love him and we have a son together.should i just let him continue to hide behind me or should i let him go.over all we have a pertty good life.i just feel i'm keeping him from his true self and maybe he would be a lot happier with a man. i would just like some good advice please.
2006-11-04 16:35:55 · 20 answers · asked by blackrose62006 1 in Society & Culture ➔ Cultures & Groups ➔ Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender
It's not an easy thing to deal with, you have to think about what is best for yourself, your husband and most importantly your son.
Yes, I strongly recommend counceling as well. You also have to have a heart-to-heart with your husband and find out what he wants as well as tell him what you want.
Your son will not be happy living in a family where happiness comes last. You two have a job to do and that's to set a good example to your son.
If you two truly love each other and want to stay together, then it can be worked out, but you both have to communicate with each other.
I have a dear friend who's gay who was married for a time as well. He married because he wanted a family, to him that was more important than his being gay.
He actually came out to his wife and they had originally decided to stay together to start a family. But someone else thought it was terrible and convinced his wife to put him out of the house.
I know both of them and she had said a few years afterward that it was probably the worst decission of her life. She regrets it terribly.
He was very hurt because he really did love her and really wanted a family with her.
They both knew he was gay, it was something they originally were prepaired to deal with. It was only once he was 'outted' to a family 'friend' that things got ugly.
Granted, neither of them speak to this person now as a result of what happened. But the damage is done and they can't go back.
Just make sure whatever you two decide, it's something that you both really want, you both can live with and neither of you will regret.
Always remember your son comes first in all of this. Make sure, if you do decide to split, to keep the lines of communication open for your son to know his father.
When my husband and I split up, I never said anything bad about his father in front of our son. I let him know his father and make up his own mind about him when he was old enough. Now he and his father aren't all that close, but that was my son's choice, not mine.
2006-11-04 20:03:09 · answer #1 · answered by DEATH 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
After 10 years this has to be a shock, but the presence of a child makes it not something to decide in a hurry. Counseling has already been suggested, and might well help, but above all you need to keep the lines of communication open. You sound as if you just want what's best for all concerned, which makes a very caring person, and you have, overall, a good life, are you sure he's gay and not bi?
2006-11-05 01:36:21 · answer #2 · answered by ? 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I think that you need to look at your happiness as well as your sons. Why should you have to continue to pretend you have a good life. You should sit down with your husband and let him know that you (and him) deserve more. You may still love each other, but you both are probably not truly happy. Your son deserves to see his parents happy, not in a relationship where they are just pretending to be happy. If you continue to be in this relationship with your husband, in time you will begin to resent him for all of the time that you have lost! Good Luck to all of you!!
2006-11-05 02:02:56 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
It's never right to live a lie. There are so many alternatives to explore. It's up to the two of you to be honest and open with each other. Maybe changing your lifestyles does not mean giving up your family altogether.
2006-11-05 01:55:57 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Are you out of your mind. Please stay with him until you get bored and by that time,you are only 70 years old, not a big deal,right?. There's a saying, What are lovers for? To be used and to be abused. Take the chance if you think he's worth it.
2006-11-05 10:30:44 · answer #5 · answered by javo 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The question is do you want to go thru life with a man who has no passion for you?? Let him go so you can find someone who will truly love you back.
2006-11-05 00:40:43 · answer #6 · answered by Gettin_by 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
you sound like an intelligent, open-minded, and understanding person...bravo! your husband is a lucky man. you don't mention how you 'know' he is gay...maybe he is bisexual...you should get some professional counseling, preferably with someone gay-friendly.
2006-11-05 06:07:05 · answer #7 · answered by Spyder 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
people can't help the way they feel, anymore than who they fall in love with.
either you can support him, or leave him dry.
you need to talk to him, and find out what's going on
2006-11-05 05:31:50 · answer #8 · answered by fuknannoyin 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I agree with Tom. You two need counseling.
I, personally, wouldn't want a sham marriage but that's just me. Since it's you, you have to ask yourself, would I be better off without him? You have finances to consider...your son, would he miss his father? Could you make it on your own? Do you even want to try? Can you live without sex?
Frankly, I wouldn't give a rat's patootie whether he was experiencing "his true self"!! He would have been lying to me for 10 years and hiding behind my skirts in order to maintain a respectable image for himself. If I decided to stay with him I would just let him know that since he's been using me for all of our marriage that it was his turn to maintain my image as the respectable wife and mother and if he didn't like it he could leave the keys to the house, car, and bank accounts and find a "boyfriend" to shack up with.
As far as I'm concerned your husband is a royal jerk and you don't owe him any consideration whatsoever. But that's just me--you're the one who has to live with him--or not.
2006-11-05 00:51:19 · answer #9 · answered by Ellen J 7 · 0⤊ 4⤋
When you love someone, let me go..if he comes back, he's yours, if he doesnt then he was never yours...this is the wise thing to do..throw the ball in his court
2006-11-05 07:00:47 · answer #10 · answered by innocence 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋