I am in love with someone else being married?

Question

We have been together 5 years, 2 kids... and i gave my 1000% to our marriage for this whole time... he however is a big time alcoholic. he would get drunk, hurt himself in front of me, abusive mentally... And now he wonders why my feelings have changed for him. he wonders why Im not giving it my all anymore. When I was he never appreciated it! So, I started taking norice to my neighbor that I visit with frequently... he knows Im about to end my marriage with my husband, cuz of the mental abusive situations... so hes holding off until im divorced... I would never physically cheat on my husband right now, but I hold stronger feelings for this other guy than i do my hubby. Should I stay in this type of relationship, and raise our kids around it??... Or should I say screw it, and find true happiness again with this other guy I possess such strong feelings for?... I dont know if i can ever be with or care for my hubby again like i used to cuz of our bad past...

Answer 1

Try a intervention group to sober up and help your hubby quit his drinking.
The love you had for him was strong enough to have two kids by him and stay in this situation for five years.
I know you are lonely , need and crave a true help mate . your kids need a sober Dad. You need a sober mate who will be the kind of husband your desired to have when you married him.
You need to be the strong one and help not hinder him at this time.
Once he drys out he can once again be the wonderful man you fell in love with and gave your life to.
Your children deserve at least this much effort.
I know what I am talking about , My wife did this for me and I have been sober for 22 years now. I also know I put her through Hell for 14 years. She at one point before I sobered up was in the exact same frame of mind you are in now.
For yes you do deserve to be happy. And by keeping your marriage pure. It proves you believe in the purity of marriage it also proves you still have feelings for this drunk you live with or you would not care if you defiled you marriage by sleeping with this guy you can talk to. honsetly if you could do the same with your husband would you have ever gave this other guy a second look???
Please try and get him help for your self ,for him and for your kids. If he refuses to get help , call the cops claim abuse have him thrown in the drunk tank .When he sobers up confront him and show him what he is about to lose .Then say Goodby if all efforts fail.

Answer 2

Right now I think that you should just separate from your husband. You have too much going on and I think that you are really confused. Getting a separation will help you make better decision. I don't think that you should stay there and be mentally abused. I also don't think that you should be even holding a conversation with the man next door. He is a detraction to your marriage. He is not a guarantee. Do not leave your husband for a man that is not a guarantee. You need to be alone for a little while to really see where you stand. The man next door could be playing games. At least you know that your husband loves you. What good things does the man next door have in store for you? and Are you going to be able to get these things every time you need them or want them? Ask yourself these question. Also ask yourself, If my husband gets help will everything be back to where it was or may be even better? In the long run if you do leave your husband. Don't quickly jump into a new relationship. And Surely Not a New and Quick Marriage.

Do Not Leave Your Husband For The Man Next Door. That Is Surely Not A Good Move. Take Some Time By Yourself And With Your Kids And Find The New You. Find Yourself and Become One With Yourself. Do Not Move Quickly Into Anything, You May Regret It Later.
Good Luck! Be Sure To Turn To the Bible Also. And Pray!

Answer 3

This is really hard because of the kids. You are doing the right thing by not doing anything yet that just complicates things even more but you are already having a emotional affair. Life is short it is really hard to get over being treated badly. It will never be the same and you are always going to be worried that things are going to be the same again. If you can have a good stable place for your kids with the new man. Then you should do what makes you happy because if you are not happy your kids are going to feel it. They will survive divorce but mental abuse for the next 10 to 15 years could really scare them and you.

Answer 4

The answer you want would require you ask several questions. What is love? Lust? What is romantic love? Does the human heart have a limited capacity for love? What do you mean when you say, "I fell out of love or I don't love that person anymore?" Time flies when you are happy and passes so slowly when you are miserable. If you define happiness as romantic love, then you will be doomed to spend most your life unhappy. Romance is nice and it takes a lot of work. Dating can be fun. You have new experiences and you meet someone interesting. But when live with them, the new wears off. Conversation can get dry.. You have more shared experiences and there is less new stuff to talk about. If you are looking to be entertained, then your eyes wonder to someone more interesting than your current significant other. Your heart has a capacity to love more than one person. Commitment issues, social stigmas on what is right and what is wrong will set limits on how you conduct yourself. If a person is alive and breathing, he/she will always have a conflict between wants and needs and doing the right thing. It is nice to find the balance between love and lust and romance. In the end, it is best to be with someone who has commited that they are in it for the long haul. Thick or thin, rich or poorer, sickness and in health, they will be the rock that you lean on an you will be the rock they lean on. The grass is greener on the other side of the fence. Once you commit, it is best to wear blinders. The old car works fine and serves you well, but you can become dissatisfied with it if you keep looking at new cars.

Answer 5

Sometimes, when people are in terrible situations (such as your marriage to an alcoholic man), they become enamoured of anyone who befriends them and makes them feel like a person again. You may, or may not, actually be in love with your neighbor. I would hold off even thinking of another relationship until you get out of the bad one you are in now. You can't stay with this abusive alcoholic. You need to get out of your marriage, get counseling for yourself, and then decide how you feel about the neighbor.

Answer 6

I believe you should not long after your neighbor. First of all you are still married. You should definitely get some help for yourself. If you feel that your husband has abused you mentally you need to seek wise counsel.

Don't be so quick to find someone else. You do not know what kind of person your neighbor is either and this could be another bad relationship.

The grass is not always greener on the other side!

Answer 7

Get out and find true happiness. You are actually a victim of domestic violence.

What are the types of domestic abuse?
The types of domestic abuse are:

physical abuse (domestic violence)

verbal or nonverbal abuse (psychological abuse, mental abuse, emotional abuse)

sexual abuse

stalking or cyberstalking

economic abuse or financial abuse

spiritual abuse

What is emotional abuse or verbal abuse of a spouse or intimate partner?
Mental, psychological, or emotional abuse can be verbal or nonverbal. Verbal or nonverbal abuse of a spouse or intimate partner consists of more subtle actions or behaviors than physical abuse. While physical abuse might seem worse, the scars of verbal and emotional abuse are deep. Studies show that verbal or nonverbal abuse can be much more emotionally damaging than physical abuse.

Verbal or nonverbal abuse of a spouse or intimate partner may include:

threatening or intimidating to gain compliance
destruction of the victim’s personal property and possessions, or threats to do so
violence to an object (such as a wall or piece of furniture) or pet, in the presence of the intended victim, as a way of instilling fear of further violence

yelling or screaming

name-calling

constant harassment

embarrassing, making fun of, or mocking the victim, either alone within the household, in public, or in front of family or friends

criticizing or diminishing the victim’s accomplishments or goals

not trusting the victim’s decision-making

telling the victim that they are worthless on their own, without the abuser

excessive possessiveness, isolation from friends and family

excessive checking-up on the victim to make sure they are at home or where they said they would be

saying hurtful things while under the influence of drugs or alcohol, and using the substance as an excuse to say the hurtful things

blaming the victim for how the abuser acts or feels

making the victim remain on the premises after a fight, or leaving them somewhere else after a fight, just to “teach them a lesson”

making the victim feel that there is no way out of the relationship.

With that being said, get out, get some help then seek a healthy relationship!

Answer 8

i think you have ansered your own question. of course you should leave as hard as it will be but you owe it to yourself and your children to get away from this abusive relationship. however, you should not move in with this other guy. rather, you should get yourself and your children together in a new location until to work this out. if your new love truly loves you he will be there when you are ready to love him without all the drama that will be present for a short term after the break up. Good luck. Stay strong.

Answer 9

First of all try to re-solve the issue if you can by talking to him about this that you are slowly starting to move away from him emotionally and if there is a chance that you guys can solve it still. but if push comes to shove and the feelings are gone it would be best to go separate ways rather than being with him and
and the kid growing up watching him be abusive of you. It would be best to go separate and be friends for the kids sake. MOve on if you must, but i do hope the guy in the neihbor feels for you too...be happy...

Answer 10

You need to do what's in your heart! First come to the realization, no matter of you stay or go, YOU WILL NEVER BE ABLE TO CHANGE HIM!!!!! EVER!!! He can whine, promise, plea. even threaten to hurt himself to get you to stay. Do not believe this crap! Second, You have to think about your kids! The longer your with him, the more horrible memories your kids will have about the things they saw, heard, witnessed. These will forever be with them. They deserve to have a safe, happy childhood. Staying with someone like that does not offer them that. Believe me, I stayed with mine, longer then I should have. Why for the sake of my kids. And when they got older, they told me they wished I would have left him long before I did. If you decide to leave him, just be their for your kids, let them air their feeling, maybe get them counseling if needed. If you don;t have money there is places that will help you. Please , Please you dexerve to be happy, safe. And you will be amazed how peacefull it is when your away from someone like that. Hope this helps. My prayers and thoughts go out to you and your children. Take care. As far as the other man, don't rush into it. You have alot of emotions to go through. Rushing into his arms, when you just got out of this bad relationship, will only further your problems. Besides your children are going to need you, and they don't need to see another man coming into the home.