need men's opinion about an affair?

Question

i'll try to make a long story short.
met a man, we are both married. this was over 4 years ago. had an affair, ended up getting pregnant. then i moved. we have stayed in touch and he still says he loves me. we have had our ins and outs, but we always find our way back to each other. we are both still married, and his wife recently found out we are calling each other. we stopped getting in touch for awhile, but he has emailed me and called and text messaged me lately. i asked what he was gonna do if she looked at the phone bill again and he said he didnt care. he wont leave her because he doesnt want to be away from his kids, and he knows she would turn them against him if there was a divorce. he is a wonderful father, just cant get along with her. guess my question is, guys, do you think he really cares about me, seeing as he still says he loves me after 4 years of this? or do you think he is afraid that i would start trouble if he said hey i dont want to talk to you anymore?

sometimes he seems distant, and other times he really opens up, seems like there are some mixed signals going on.
and he does ask about his child, has seen him a couple of times.

i've never really truly loved my husband, i married young and thought it was what i was supposed to do. my husband is a good man, but i just dont have those feelings for him, though i have tried. this other guy makes me feel like i think love should feel.

by the way, we live in totally different states, and have only seen each other 3 times this year, so i know its not just for a steady piece

Answer 1

hi, just wanted to say sorry for all the hurtful answers to your question. i cant really say either way if he truly loves you or if there are other motives as to why he would keep in touch after so long. maybe he is hoping to have a relationship with his child at some point? maybe he truly wants to be with you? maybe you are a distraction?
its hard to say. all you can do is pray, and ask for forgiveness for your sins, and ask to find the happiness you are longing for.
god bless

Answer 2

In all honesty, you two are meant for each other. Run to him. Two people who are full of infidelity and disrespect for themselves and everyone in their lives. WOW what a great time you two could have cheating on each other also. Okay that was really sarcasm, but you act and sound like you are both great people, and wont't look at the reality of the damage that you have done to each others families as well as to your own lives. You can't be serious about your thinking? He is a terrible father because he had an affair and got you pregnant, and betrayed his children by doing so. He has planted a seed of hatred for the child that you two share, and you praise him as a good father. Im a father, and I would rather be dead than to bastardize a child. The fact that you still allow him to call you after finding out about his wife catching him, only shows how little respect you have for other people as well. You both need to get some serious counselling. Think about the mess you have allowed yourself to create with the child that you two share.The health concerns later in life like heart disease, cancer, diabetes. This is important stuff, and your child may never know the real truth to these things. When the other guy passes away, what do you think he will leave for your child?? Nothing, and if he tries, his children will probably contest the will, and take everything anyways. You both made a terrible mistake, and your child will pay the ultimate sacrifice here. Not either of you two. It is shameful that you and this guy let your selfishness show, and destroy a childs life. Sounds harsh but it is reality and I think you really are fully aware of that.

Answer 3

Lets not differentiate the two. An affair should not be thought of as something bad. Its the sudden or slow developing chemistry between two people that is the beginning of it all. As long as there is some chemistry between two people the affair will continue. This chemistry can sometimes be influenced by other extraneous factors, like available time, discretion required, dearth of meeting places etc which commonly occur when its a relationship to be private and closed. Like when one or both partners are married. The chemistry wears off and things normalise. Durability is very likely short. Better that way too. However , if its an open thing then enjoy it while it lasts or take it further. Durability is longer and can even be lifelong.

Answer 4

with married guys having an ffair outside marriege is only about SEX... the mere fact that he cannot leave his family for you it just that PERIOD...I am sorry to say that but there is no future with a married man even if he says I love you and all that It does not mean a thing . you have a child with him and that child will grow up with out the biological father because of the affair you both had, isn't that so unfair to the child that you have?? you child is growing up with your husband who is not the real father, because the father is married and would not leave his own family for that kid that you had with him.. I do not call that love and even if he leaves his first family for you , it will be something that your own concience will carry the rest of your life...try to pray and try as much to stay away from this guy he will not be good for you...it is bad enough that you have both comitted adultry, one of the ten commandments of God..try to repent and start a new life with out this hanky pankies.. GOD IS GOOD, ALL THE TIME IT IS NOT TOO LATE TO ASK FOR HIS FORGIVNESS.. God Bless you and the kid ...

Answer 5

...He probably does love you, but it isn't happening beacuse he thinks he's being practical...until u can have a proper talk face to face and say what u want and why, and him the same with no interruptions and all home truths released then forget about anything...honest open discussion...if he's too weak to draw a line and move on because of what ifs etc then it's not your fault...u didnt say if she found out about your affair or just the contact...u rnt giving it a chance to work anyway by doing what u'v done...so u cant complain about it...the only way is the full and frank discussion...apart from that...people dont change...situations change...u will do what u can get away with...as everyone does...if u wanna be happy make a change...when theres an absense of alternatives your decision will be clear...good luck...

Answer 6

Sraight up and to the point - you are his release - nothing more-nothing less. Whatever is wrong in his life his affair with you is calming his demons.
If he truly does not care if his wife finds out then he is really drowning...and drowning people love company.

What you are doing is foolish, sinful, and down-right wrong. Shame on you. Go to you husband and see him for the one who stuck with you in the young years, who has been with you through all the pain and turmoil. Stop cheating on your husband and the other guys wife. Get out of this mess you have created for yourself before you, too, are divorced and alone.

Answer 7

eventually it will catch up to you, and not the way you want it to, what about your husband and family, does all this hinge on what he decides to do. theres nothing in it for you, you are wasting time and energy you could be devoting to your husband and family.what if she finds out and comes after you, and blames you for her misery. what happens if your husband finds out and you loose him. it is almost as if you have put all your hope into this one guy, not even seeing he has nothing to offer you. he stays with you because it is safe and your married and you haven't put any demands on him, and someone else would expect him to leave his wife and be with them.your just a diversion, just someone to use and than throw away when he wants to. talk is cheap they all say they love us, but is what he is doing loving. he has put you in a real bad spot. if she is looking at the phone bill, this person sounds as if she has been cheated on before. so be careful the wife doesn't come looking for you, and finds you.

Answer 8

He probably cares about you, but he has made a commitment and is staying with it. The excitement of an affair is what draws people to it and back to it, without that it is just a normal relationship, not to say that can't be exciting. He is doing this to maintain that excitement.

Answer 9

You answered this question yourself. HE HAS A FAMILY AND SO DO YOU.What else do you need to know.Isn't it hard enough taking care of your own family without bringing another man into the picture.If I were your husband and found this out I would be SSSOOOOOOOOOOOO pissed. Grow up and be that person you were when you said I DO.

Answer 10

he could lose it all- and wind up paying child support to you!! if it is his- you are his playtoy and he won't leave his wife- he is not a wonderful father it he cheats on the mother of his children= he is his own priority= his actions are foolish= no telling how many affairs he has had- he is a JERK- and I feel for his wife and children= he and you are both cheaters and so unfaithful w no conscience=take off your blinders and wake up!! is your husband aware of your cheating- and child?? YOu may not know whose it is- YOur cheater has you well fooled=- D