What is it with guys and porn? I dont understand... My husband and i have been together for a very short time, and we (in my eyes) are starting out on a bad foot, ever since I caught Porn on the computer, he has changed in little ways here and there. (to name a few, I dont feel like I am enough, he never trys to seduce me anymore, it feels as if I am not sexy enough for him... etc.) I have now found it about four times now, and everytime I find it, "he has no idea how it got there, he swears" so I am clueless at this point because I feel like I am being lied to. I dont understand how he can say how much I am perfect for him, and how much he loves to be with me, but then the next minute he is on the computer doing who knows what to some internet whore. I feel rejected, boring and not good enough, but he still continues to hurt me, and as sad as it may seem, I dont even know if he knows how much he is really hurting me.
2006-11-04 15:16:17 · 27 answers · asked by Michelle S 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I don't think I can help much here, but the fact that he's so addicted to online porn is definitely a trigger showing that he's found something different everyday... and that "sexual curiosity" over "is there something new on here" falls no short to surprising.
Plus, it's far more convenient than trying to hide a video cassette. Have you ever had a chance to go online yourself and, just to put him in his place watch the porn he downloaded like you too are enjoying it? He just might delete them then.
I had a girlfriend who's been so addicted to the internet, not porn mind you, but chat's and forums and what more... "She was always busy" doing nothing but socializing online. I finally said "to hell with this crap... I'm outta here." I think she finally came to notice after about a week of me not being around. I distant myself from her and, finally got her attention when I told her we were through via email.
But, of course my issue is somewhat different than yours...
2006-11-04 15:31:35 · answer #1 · answered by Middlehitter 3 · 2⤊ 1⤋
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2016-07-25 14:39:33 · answer #2 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's fine, it's just a stimulation of the hormones, honestly, even I look at porn. Love and Sex can be different things for guys. Hormones will be hormones, it's just a man's nature that sex becomes so appealing. Love is a different story. Love is why you two got married. Unless you two got married because of hot sex every day, then you two did it for the wrong reasons.
Before, sex was for reproduction, but whoever is up there, accidently made our hormones a little too strong, sure, it did the job, we can reproduce. But now the hormones which were used to help cause the human to "want" to reproduce, are now just wanting the sexual relief part, not the reproduction.
Don't let a little thing like porn get in the way, it's just a mans' way of satisfying himself.
Although you may feel rejected, boring and not good enough, let him know that you feel this way, perhaps he'll be more romantic towards you when you two go out next time.
This little issue you have is just a bit of jealousy of the actors, its not either's fault, he would definately be jealous if you did the same, but a woman doesn't have such a strong urge to be relieved as a man does. Society today doesn't help it either.
2006-11-04 15:38:24 · answer #3 · answered by David 2 · 1⤊ 3⤋
Everything you say is true and I understand. To be honest... First you need to let him know how you feel. How it hurts you. How it makes you feel inadequate. If he does not stop, it means the marriage will not last anyway. Compromise is the key to a long term marriage. Men are not dogs. Men do not love porn. It is addictive... and for some can be stronger than drugs/booze. I would talk to him - then seek help if you cannot reach a compromise. I tell you... your marriage will fail unless you each can find a place in peace.
Write me if you want to talk.
2006-11-04 17:07:21 · answer #4 · answered by stanmanin92 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You mean that you don't fantasize or masturbate? Ever? It's perfectly healthy to masturbate. It's good for your sex life. It's just that men are visual creatures and simply enjoy it more when there is a picture. If you really can't stand that your husband looks at porn, why not take some sexy pictures of yourself for him to use when he's wanting to masturbate? Seriously though, unless he's a porn addict, he's not doing it becuase you are not good enough. It's the visual stimulation that gets him off. He loves you! Sometimes we all just want to masturbate.
It sounds to me you might have some negative veiws of sex and sexuality as well as some self esteem problems. You should talk to your husband and consider seeking therapy either as a couple or if he refuses on your own.
I used to get angry when I found out my lover was looking at porn but, I've watched it and talked with him about it and realise how very ridiculous it is and not just to me. He thinks it's foolish too! Porn to men is like a sex toy or a good shower head to women. The actors are the screen are not whores. They are actors! They are not even playing the roles of people. If your husband can see the difference between a beautiful woman and a sexy image meant for sexual stimulation, you're fine! Talk to him. Now!
2006-11-04 15:27:23 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋
do not sit around and let him pound your self esteem into the ground.. it is not a "boys will be boys" that is sh*t.....
do you want to spend your life feeling the way you are feeling right now... if he doesnt know how much he is hurting you make sure he does... (in my experience it doesnt make much difference) try marriage counseling or maybe you need a break from him?
subscribe to playgirl...lol
if you are gonna stay start finding some interests outside the home that dont involve your selfish **#@% *&^%% husband
dress up really sexy and then come out walk by him and out the door tell him you be back when you da*n well feel like it
trash the computer
ect ect ect
2006-11-04 15:53:50 · answer #6 · answered by ? 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Not easy to respond to a persons feelings, but would you sit and read a sexy novel? Many women do, sure it's not picture porn, but men need to visualize more than women do.
There is an excitment to viewing that stuff and fantasize, Women fantasize in a different way.
I have looked at porn for 40 years and never even considered going outside the marriage. You also may be reading more into it while he fumbles for answers to your questions. The answer is "He likes it". But he also loves you. Think in those terms until or unless something happens.
Good Luck
2006-11-04 15:29:56 · answer #7 · answered by Nort 6 · 0⤊ 2⤋
Pornography is an addiction which creates the very situations you are writing about. I'm sorry you have to face them. You are not alone, though that doesn't change the pain.
Play with the computer till you get to the filter section. Set them very high so the word "breast" will not even get through. If he objects/changes the setting. Then you should confront him and share the pain you shared in this e.
There are few pornaholics programs available. He will most likely be to shy to attend. Get into marriage counseling - by yourself he will not go.
Get into a church group for yourself. Let te contrast be so great that he has to find what you have. Porn is a downward cycle. You married him for sickness and health 0 this is an ugly, ugly illness.
2006-11-04 15:23:38 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 5⤊ 2⤋
How about you stop making him lie to you about it. If for whatever reason he feels he cant tlk about it, would that make it his fault of partially yours? Take a little accountability here. And why not watch some with him, if thats what he likes? would it hurt you that much to try something new?
We are visual creatures, we dont have a choice in it, thats the way we are wired. If you cant cope with that, find yourself a hardcore born-again Christian who wont look at porn, or get yourself a girlfriend.
2006-11-04 15:46:49 · answer #9 · answered by n2bateyou2000 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
you can install a software like NetDog Porn Filter on the computer,that help you to block all porn sites quitely in the background when he's surfing on the internet. http://www.NetDogSoft.com
2006-11-04 18:03:33 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋