My husband cheated on me with a very young girl, is forgiveness the right way to go?

Question

My husband and I have been together for 13 years. I am 39, he is 48. He has a 19 year old daughter from his previous marriage.
We do not have any children together but I helped raise his daughter and love her.
Despite us not having any kids, I still love him. These past 13 years have been very passionate and nothing seemed wrong. I was still very much in love until I caught him having sex with an 18 year old girl.
Even though It's painful, I can get over the fact that he cheated, i know all men are animals and maybe he deserves a second chance, but what I can't get over is how young she is. She is younger than his daughter! That is really disgusting. A 48 year old man should not be with someone so young. It's just wrong. In my eyes, he is now a pedophile. I know that 18 is "legal", but just because the law says it's ok doesn't mean it's right! I mean, what if the law were that 15 is the age of consent, if he's willing to go as low as 18, it makes me think he'd go even lower.
Help!

Stuart, Yes the girl's age DOES matter. What kind of normal man would have sex with a girl fresh out of highschool? Only a pedophile would. At 18, a girl is still VERY emotionally AND physically immature and definately not ready to be taken advantage of by a much older man like that. She is younger than his daughter for christ's sake. That is disgusting. Just because the law says it's 18, doesn't mean it's okay. A 48 year old should not even be thinking of doing that.

I want to save my marriage because we've been together for 13 years and I do have feelings for him. The only thing which concerns me is that he was with such a young girl. It concerns me that he is sick... If she would have been AT LEAST 25-30, I would have an easier time making my decision.

Answer 1

I agree that this is horrible. I think that he should be held responsible for his actions and that you should leave him on the grounds that he completely disrespected you and your marriage.

Answer 2

Well, I don't know if this is gonna much help since I'm only 21 and I don't have much experience... but here's what I think:
- yes, I understand you could forgive your husband for cheating, as men ARE animals... and it probably was just a sex thing... what is sex, without love? It's pretty much like jerking off with a very helping hand...
- I don't think you should be so upset about her age, though. Your husband is not a pedophile, an 18 year old may seem like a baby to you, but... remember a girl starts having a woman's body and desires by 15-16 years old, age on a passport is just a number. To me... an 18 year old girl is a grown woman. She may not have much experience, but she is a real woman, with a real woman body, and real woman desires.

Answer 3

i know in times like these it may be hard and you want people to tell you that it's ok, but its not what he did was very wrong and whats to say he won't do it again, have you asked him why? if he had love there why would he go that low to have sex with someone that is that young, i'm 20 and i think that even at my age to be with a 48 year old is sick...... the man is old enough to be my dad...i know that at the moment it's painful for you but the pain will slowley ease and you will be able to move on and find someone that will treat you right.. you need to ask him to leave so you have time to think about everything and what you decide in the end is up to you but be careful
i'm here if you need me
mel

Answer 4

Mmmm really it doesn't matter the age of the woman. HE is dead wrong, now I can understand how you might feel.. But my concern is why he did it.. Has he out grown the marriage? I think you need to sit down and openly talk with him. learn why and what took him to that level in the first place? Once your heart has peace you can move forward but you have un answered questions and the only person that can answer it is your husband.

Is he done messing with this child? or does he want to continue it? Is she going to be a problem in your marriage she might not want it to end.. I think you need to talk with him and find the direction of where your marriage is going.

Answer 5

I've had that happen to me. Today I'm divorced, even after I gave it some thought. I could never get over the pain and suffering he put me through. If we stayed together, I would always wonder what and whom is he with and doing everytime he walked out the door. To get his faithfulness back will take alot of work on his part. They say if he gets a taste of it one time , he might get it again. Thats something you'll have to work out. Or if you want to stay with him suggest a marriage counslor.

Answer 6

believe this you can forgive him but they always do it again once a cheater always a cheater, once someone shows you who they are believe them!!!!!!!!! been there done that over and over for 17 years he will never stop and what would a 48 year old man want with a 18 year old just one thing sex and yes he is sick.

Answer 7

please brace your self this will be harsh .......start letting go, i say start because it won't be quick or easy, but he has already started to let go of you..it's going to hurt alot and i imagine he's not going to make it easy("animals" like to have a den to return to after their adventures)...it will happen again, maybe not today or next month but, it will..trust me, I've been there, and the amount of paranoia and stress that you will experience from now on is not worth it..i could explain in great detail, his motivations but, the fact is, it has nothing to do with you...the age of his chosen partner tells me and most people that this is something that runs deeper with him than he has ever let you know..he needs help but please don't be a martyr for his sake..i don't think he would do it for you..please remember that this is my opinion and situations differ..and i was hurt bad over a period of years by a similar experience..

Answer 8

I totally agree with you. If I were you I would worry about him being a child molester because he is attracted to young girls. I feel so bad that you had to see that, it must have been traumatizing.
He should be ashamed of himself. I wonder what his daughter thinks of her nasty dad. You deserve better after all the years you have devoted to your marriage.

Answer 9

You may be able to forgive but you won't be able to forget. I agree with your point about her age. I agree that the age, especially given the age of his daughter makes it even worse. I wish you the best no matter what you choose, but I think you should cut your loses and move on.

Answer 10

The age of the other woman isn't the issue - the trust in your marriage is.

What is she had been 74? Would it still be an issue?

You need to decide if the marriage is worth salvaging, and go that route.

Answer 11

Holy ****. He has a 19 year old daughter and he was messing around with an 18 year old on you?!? KICK HIS *** TO THE CURB AND TAKE HIM FOR ALL HE'S GOT. Maybe then he'll learn to keep it in his pants!