I need advice about my 17 year old daughter?

Question

My seventeen year old daughter has been sneaking out at night after I go to bed. She feels like I am strict because I want here in by 12 00 am on the weekends and by 9 during the week. I get up very early during the week and I like her in before I go to bed. Also she is a senior in school and i feel like she needs to be in at a decent hour during the week. I am more worried about her safety by her sneaking out after I go to bed but she just thinks that I am being strict with her. anything could happen to her when I am sleeping and I would never know. Does anyone have any advice??

Answer 1

smack some sense into her

Answer 2

Your daughter is 17, and soon will be done with high-school. So it appears you have done a great job. What and Where dose she go when she sneaks out? Is she responsible? Dose she have a car?
If she is responsible I would move the 9 to 10......and one night on the weekend.........to 1.
If she is not responsible.......I would cut it back to 8, and 10 on weekends.
Is she working? Helping you with the house? If not then she needs to be.......if she feels that she is old enough to come and go as she pleases.......then you need to make her accountable for acting like an adult in every-other aspect of your living arrangments.
She is not listening to you anymore........so pick you battles.
In a few months she will be an adult.......if the two of you don't establish some guild lines now.......
She is letting you know that she's growing up, both of you have to give some.
Tell her not to sneak out........but to let you know that she is leaving, when she will be back, but curfew is 10, and she needs to let you know where she will be, when she will be home. No-matter the time. Let her know that its her safety your concerned about, and not her maturety, and you do the same for her if you go out, this will let her know that its an adult thing to do, and not just a dictation from you for her.
That she is responsible for sharing the house-hold chores, her own cell-phone bill or she won't have one, and gas for her car, or she can't drive anywhere. And rent.......even if its 10$ a month.
Treat her as an adult, and be strict with it! See how that works.
I think she will learn her place soon, and if she dose well with this then she is responsible enough.
But if you have to shake her out of bed in the AM or she is drinking, then take her keys!
Are you a single mom?
I was, and at that age my now 20 year old was trying her wings.
She had always been a very responsible girl, and she has not failed me yet!
She now works 2 jobs and is attending college, and still at home with me.
If she is not a responsible 17 year old................
Then duct tape her to the bed!!

Answer 3

Since your daughter is 17 and a senior she is by no means a child, whatever you do you need to talk with her and reach an agreement allow for exceptions for special occasions, 9 PM is a bit early for a young woman on weekdays 10 or 11 may be more appropriate also there are many events that go past 9 movies, dances etc. Grounding only works if she allows you to but if she's sneaking out now I doubt she'd follow it. Realize you can not protect your daughter from the world, anything could happen to her while you are at work, while shes out with friends a boyfriend etc. Your daughter is able to move out on her own if she so desires my own did at 17 after she decided she was going to live her own life as she saw fit. If you do not realize she is not a child and allow her more freedom to make her own decisions etc., she will give you no choice and do as she pleases.

Answer 4

I'll tell you those seventeen year olds make terrible two year olds look like a walk in the park.
Well first of all we have to come up with someway to get the sneaking out to stop. I'd start with a comprimise on the week nite curfew. 9 oclock is a little early for a senior in high school to be in, think about it even school functions that are done on week nites don't even get over by 9, and think about it a little further, she'll be 18 in less then a year, an adult. So in order to get some peace of mind your going to have to give up some peace of mind. Make a deal with her, ASK HER (don't tell her)if you stretch her curfew to 11 on week nites will she agree to stop sneaking out. In fact I would write it out into a contract between you and her that you both sign. In the contract you can put that she is to wake you when she comes in so you know she made it home. And since she is going to be involved with graduation events all year, I would add that if at any time there happens to be alcohol at any of these events and her ride, be it her or a friend consume any alcohol that she promises she will call and you will pick her up no questrion asked untill the next day and even at that you should praise her for calling you. You might think of it this way, cutting her some slack now at this age is preparing you for when she does become an adult and can come an go as she pleases, and its giving her a chance to learn to make adult decisions with you still there for her to fall back on.

Answer 5

I don't feel you are being strict in the least. Your curfew times are realistic, the only one I might change is the weekday one, perhaps 10pm, but no later. If her grades start slipping it's back to 9pm. There have to be consequences for the sneaking out bit. You sneak out, you lose something, i.e, allowance for the week, use of the car for a week (assuming she drives). As angry as she may get with you, pretty soon she'll be 18 and out of high school and hopefully grow up a bit mentally and realize that all you did you did out of love for her. Good luck!! I've been there and it worked out okay.

Answer 6

I had to show this question to my mother. I am now 36 with teenagers of my own and reading this brought back a lot of memories. At 17 I was also a senior who thought I knew it all and my parents knew nothing. I had a 10:00 curfew on school nights and 12:00 on weekends I was only allowed to go out one night during the week and friday and saturday unless it was a school function and then I was to be home as soon as it ended. I too got the bright idea to start sneaking out and got good at it had figured out how to get my car to roll down the driveway so I could start it without parents hearing, which window to come in so they wouldn't hear etc. No I never got into trouble when was out but I didn't see back then how quick I could have. My brother ratted me out one night when I snuck out and when I came in my parents were waiting on the couch and caught me before I made it upstairs. Mom told me if she caught me sneaking out again they would make my life he** until I graduated. Needless to say the next week I got caught. They put special locks on the windows that you had to have a key to open and same with the door, they removed my phone, stereo, t.v, everything but my bed and clothes from my room, they took my car keys. I was allowed one 15 minute phone call to friends a night. For 2 months I was allowed to do nothing, no allowance anything. I had to ride the bus to school and home as I lost my car and was not allowed to ride with friends. If I had a game to cheer for at school, cheerleading practice, band or anything else my mommy drove me to the school and was at the front door waiting at the time it was over. She was right they made my life he**. When the 2 months was up it was Dec of my Sr year and trust me I walked the line after that. Yes I felt it was cruel but looking back now I see what I put them through and know they did what they had to to teach me a lesson and keep me safe.

Answer 7

You've got another year or so before she is old enough to move out. She should be doing things that gain her independence, like working, and opening a checking account, and saving for a car and it's related expenses. She should be working towards her driver's license.

I, too, had a problem with teenage mobility and my physical need for sleep. You can let your daughter know that on the weekends if she wants to have her friends over after curfew, she can. My daughter always came home on time, with her gang, and they hung out in her room and did whatever it is they do. I "slept". Better than if she was out. At least I knew where she was. This worked really well for us.


Unfortunatetly, dear, anything can can happen to them whether we are awake or asleep. Let her know you are trusting in her to make good decisions for your child. Ask her to be home at curfew. Let her know the gang is welcome. My daughter never felt the need to sneak in. hence, they arrive giggling, and tromping through the house. I always knew when she was home.

She's old enough now to tell you when she'll be home. If you think you can handle it, ask her what time she'll be in. She's more apt to be home when she says than when you say. Offer for the gang to arrive with her stands.

Another thing that happened senior year is a lot of talk about drinking. Never was she to get into a car with a drunk driver. Under any circumstance she was to call me if she needed to. I asked her what she wanted when she started talking about her freinds drinking and I bought it for her. Amazingly, she did not guzzle the whole thing. She wanted wine coolers. For the next two years there was wine coolers in the fridge. Just for whenever she wanted. She worked and went to school and had a wine cooler when she wanted. The rule was no drinking outside the house. No sharing with minors. This also worked amazingly well.

She's going to have to make decisions. Might as well give her enough independence to learn the difference between a right and a wrong decision while she's still at home.

Have the talk. Tell her you are going to Trust her now. To make good decisions. If there's a boy involved it is your responsibility to see to it that she is on birth control.

Eventually, you have to go to bed. Give her a kiss, go to bed. You've raised her well. She'll do right.

Answer 8

First change all of the locks on the doors of the house and do NOT give her a key. Then purchase window locks (they're about $5.00 at Lowe's and Home Depot) after she sneaks out go in and place them on her windows and all the other windows in the house so. Make sure all of the doors to the house are locked and go to bed. When she can't get back in after sneaking out she might change her tune about you being to strict.

Answer 9

Wow, I am 33 and my curfew was 11pm until I moved out of my parents house at 20 years old. I think that 12am for your daughter is quite generous! There should be consequences for her sneaking out of the house, she's not too old to ground yet. Tell her that every time she sneaks out her curfew gets lowered by 1/2 hour. When she has to be in the house at 8pm on a weekend, she won't like it too much!

Answer 10

HI I'm 17 and a Senior in High School also. I don't know what to tell you. My mom is very STRICT ON ME. I have to be in at 9:00. I am made to stay in the house all DAY DOING HOMEWORK TILL I'M DONE. NO PHONE OR FRIEND TILL I GET IT DONE. She only lets me see my BF for 2 hours. I could never sneak out the house because when I get home....it's over. She'll ground me, bury me ALIVE and if I'd was to get hit by a car and die..she would revive me and kill me again. I hate to say it but.........be more strict on her and when she throws a b**** fit, act just like her and see what her reaction is.



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('') ('') Bunny

Answer 11

My older brother did the same thing. He got grounded for sneaking out. My brother has to be in at 11 and has to be in at 10 on the week ends. Tell her if she doesn't follow your rules she will be sent away. Send her to a aunts or a grandmas house