every time we argue, my wife ask if i want a divorce. Is it just me or is it she who wants a divorce?

Question

1st she always speaks before she thinks of what she's saying to people. kind of innocent ignorances.
for the past 5 years, whenever we have a bad arguement, we both are very good at verbally cutting the other. This then leads to either the silent treatment that can go for a week to two or she'll come out and ask me if I'm looking at divorce, which doesn't even come up in the arguements. this has happened during the past 4 times we were at the point of the silent treatment.

I'm beginning to get the impression that it she whose looking to divorce me.

Answer 1

It's a weapon she likes to use to intimidate u and get a reaction out of u. U both need to learn how to argue more rationally. Cutting each other's throat isn't going to accomplish anything.

Answer 2

A silent treatment for a week or two? And you don't try to talk to her?
I don't know what you're saying to each other during your arguments, but it seems that what you say to her may make her think you want a divorce. No matter how angry, if you love a person you're arguing with, there are certain things you wouldn't say.
Of course, there is also a chance that she's looking for a divorce, but is afraid to say something first. She's hoping you'd be the first one to want out.

I suggest you either sit down and have a heart-to-heart or talk to a marriage counselor.

Answer 3

The way you argue tells a lot about a marriage. All married couples argue, but the word divorce should never be said. Nothing will kill a marriage faster than doubt or threats. When you enter a marriage, you are in it for the long haul, and that means that divorce or separation is not an option, and the only way to solve problems is through working them out. You need to talk to your partner, and inform her of the things that are in this answer. I think she is insecure, not looking to divorce you. Stop the threats and work on communication before you are both faced with a whole new set of problems. Good luck!

Answer 4

I can definitely understand why you would think that especially since you said that you're "both very good at verbally cutting the other", but have you considered that you may be so good at cutting her that you may have cut her self-esteem?
I think that in the midst of your silent treatments she's wondering why you're not missing her. Nothing hurts more than the person you love most pointing out your flaws and/or putting you down. I've asked my husband the very same thing. Not because I want a divorce but because I know he knows all of my flaws. There are alot of things that we are not compatible on and if he could ever go 2 weeks without talking to me I'd think that he was out looking for that someone who could fulfill in him what I felt I couldn't.
Maybe instead of thinking the worst you should take that opportunity to remind her that you married HER because she's the only one for you and build back up what you've been cutting down.

Answer 5

Silent treatments are not good. My ex-wife did that to me all the time, I really hated it. It means she has some things bottled up inside, and yes, she probably is thinking about divorce. For me, the arguments and silent treatments got so bad, I hated my life, the only solution I could think of was divorce, and I'm really glad I did. You should atleast see some marriage counsuling, if that doesn't work, well, sometimes divorce is the only way to break the cycle.

Answer 6

Hey! I know how you wife feels. I do the same thing to my fiance. Everytime we have a fight, in my rage I tell him I really want it over and that's the best thing to do. SOmetimes i feel bad about what i did/said and how I hurt him, therefore I tell him that I want to break up. But honestly...I never want be without him. In her rage, you wife doesn't know what to say or how to convey to you how frustrated she is that you don't understand her. So she says anything to make you feel bad. Next time she says that just let her know that you love her and want to be with her. Make her feel that you haven't changed your views about her after a fight...you don't love her any less. Try that if you haven't already. I hope this helps. Don't worry...she doesn't want to divorce you...if she did then she already would've appointed a lawyer! Good luck!

Answer 7

It's like a game of marital chicken, isn't it?
I don't think she wants a divorce, but it seems like it's become a device she uses when she has probably pushed the matter too far, it's spiraled out of control, and she wants you to say you don't want one so you can begin to make amends. You could always call her bluff, see where it goes.

Answer 8

she doesn't have the skills to solve the problem, so she says the first thing that pops up in her mind, seems like neither of you know how to resolve problems, so u assisate one another, and at that point all communication is going to stop, and that's when u get the silent treatment. no i don't think she wants a divorce, she wants you and her to be able to sit down and speak to one another civally, and with love. ofcourse if you are verbally cutting her down, than she will eventually not want to talk out any problems with you anymore. u need some relationship skills, seek therapy if u want to save your marriage.

Answer 9

I do the same thing to my fiancee, and yes, when I state that I want out, I mean it. If he actually called my bluff, I'm not sure if I'd feel relieved to be out of the relationship, or devastated, after missing him for a month or so, but when she says it, she means it. She may get over it eventually, and make up with you, but for the most part, she wants out. The grass always looks greener on the other side, they say

Answer 10

She may not want a divorce. She may be using a defense mechanism to get herself ready for the worst if it should happen. She is trying to get herself set up for rejection if you decide to reject her. She most likely is just as scared as you are about the arguments etc. Try marriage conseling or check out a course at Landmark Education. Many people who take the course have a breakthrought in relationships. Good luck. Remember she is just as scared as you are and it takes one of you to back down, and give up trying to be right about what ever you are discussing. it is better to have love then to have right.