To die in a hail of bullets
To die in the arms of your one ture romance
Or to parish peacefully
It's all the same as we fade and are bodies remain
So never forget all this pain you suffered in your earlier days
So let's pretend this never happened again
We will live are life fast as we past by you never get a real hard look at us
Well we been analyise to the point where we wanted to slowly die
You put me under the the magnifying glass for way to long
So as I sing this song
All my flaws there coming more porfound
Well I don't need a special doctor to write notes as she scribbles down all my so called problems
They used to be simple to slove
But I feel so raw
Everyday is a day to start some new **** to start some new ****
I'm not sorry at all I will go agaisnt your will I will go agaisnt this
Two more years two more years
I will break turly lose
You think I'm turly here? Don't ****** call me your dear
Those days I will never obey
To die in a tradegy for everyone the public eye to see
Or die romanticly in the arms of the ture one
Or in a hail of bullets
A hail of bullets
2006-11-04 12:16:40 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous in Beauty & Style ➔ Other - Beauty & Style
lot of issues here huh? my guess is you are under 18 and are having typical teen age problems( been there, done that, got the soundtrack and t-shirt) whatever problems this poem is based on I think you are showing a deep sensitivity to those issues. you might consider cleaning this poem up. i am not against the use of profanity but in this case it actually takes something away from your poem. its also kind of a downer. having said that I will say the first three lines really grabbed me.good luck and hey try writing something a little more upbeat. I think you have potential.
2006-11-04 12:34:32 · answer #1 · answered by molly 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
As a semi-retired editor of literary magazines--the sort of
that would publish poetry, (although mainly short stories)...
I would suggest that if you, yourself, think it has potential,
as I also do, then correct the spelling & punctuation errors,
lose the one "f" word toward the end of the poem, write &
fine-tune some more poetry, and get back to me in a few months:
In January of 2007, I'll start accepting manuscripts for
my next literary magazine, Light & Dark -- which is
tentatively scheduled to make its premiere in the winter
of next year.
Good luck & best regards, Pete H. Kanter
2006-11-04 12:43:24 · answer #2 · answered by Pete K 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Good is all in the eye of the writer this poem means nothing to me but it sounds as though you are pouring your heart out over a broken relationship. Please don't let this person control your well being.
2006-11-04 12:26:58 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Verrry good
2006-11-04 12:26:40 · answer #4 · answered by desdinova 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Thats very deep, nice job =)
2006-11-04 12:21:49 · answer #5 · answered by girl 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
thatz pretty good. i write poems, too. i also write stories.
2006-11-04 12:20:11 · answer #6 · answered by black_waterfall_700 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Funny.. you *'d out s*** but not F***... aha its amazing m'ducky..
2006-11-04 12:19:30 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
it's preety and really good
2006-11-04 12:25:25 · answer #8 · answered by ypina 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
good!!!
2006-11-04 12:24:26 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋