my fiance watches porn should i leave or stay?

Question

The first thing that attracted me to my now fiance was that he was such a good and moral man,it takes a lot for me to trust, so it shocked my family when i told them he would be moving in with my daughter and I.I loved so much that he seemed like such a simple normal guy with value and morals.Yesterday i came accross Endless porn from his computer I confronted him with it he said that it is a problem he has had for years.I don't even know how to feel right now the whole time i was at work he was looking at all these naked girls and getting off.I am so confused right now i know i love him but i cant even look at him I just see an old pervert when i look at him and i hate that I hate that he has to do this.I don't know if I should stick it out or just take off.I feel like I will never get it out of my head ,when we are making love.I know that this is becoming more and more "normal" to watch porn ,but in my head it will never be normal.What should I do

Answer 1

say goodbye and move on. Sounds to me he's obsessive about it and this isn't a good thing. For all you know he could even be watching child porn....be concerned for your daughter and get out of this relationship.

Answer 2

Well hon, I will tell you, you will NEVER get it out of your mind--never. It will affect your sex life. You will hate having sex with him until you stop altogether. It will affect your emotional health, your entire life, perhaps to the point where you cant even function any more and what good are you doing yourself or your child?

I would ask him to leave if I was you. Tell him you don't think you can live with him anymore. Cheating is cheating whether it is in your heart or head or whether it is physical.

You could not have known he was this type of man. Perhaps he is a good man and he likely is and he likely will never cheat on you PHYSICALLY but it doesn't matter. He has ruined and tainted your love and it will never go away. It's like a disease and he can't help himself. So can you live with it? If you can't, it's over. That's all there is to it. The sooner the better.

You can see by the advice you got where most people stand on the subject of sex these days. Kinky, gaiety, menage a trois all that sh*t...it's all male fantasy, and there's always enough tramps to fill them. You my girl, have standards--find yourself a man who can respect you. You'll be a thousand times happier and you only come this way but once.

Geez these guys are as bad as the Muslim guy who said women should cover up because otherwise they're asking to be raped...as if men have no control over that little snake that wiggles around in their pocket there. Give in or get out is my advice hon.

Listen to Shikira...amen sister...you said that a thousand times better than I could have. That is exactly the problem and the underlying issue. I doubt they will ever change however. He'll just learn to hide it better next time around.

Answer 3

personally it think ur blowing things out of proportion... Its not in anyway destroyed his morals and trust factors its not a Sin a way of CHEATING or anything like that.

Ur just finding something out that u had no idea of and furthermore u must of never discussed the issue that means there are a lot of things u prob. don't know about him and each other.

Do u really think differently of him b/c of some porn? Isn't he STILL the same person as he was b4 u found it? Does it complicate ur relationship? If not i don't c the reason to stress

Take a minute to think about what u Can and Can't live with and then make a decision!

Answer 4

this may be an difficulty for couples counseling. a good sex existence is quite important in a relationship, fairly once you're youthful (that means that it in basic terms decreases as you become older). It sounds like he has some repressed subject matters that want to be dealt with (am I way out of the ballpark to believe there would have even been abuse quicker or later?). this would also be an difficulty of what he thinks you approve of. i comprehend that you've been doing a lot to strengthen your sex existence, yet possibly he in basic terms actual believes that you're feeling awkward or do not intrinsically approve. sex once per week, although, isn't a lot for 2 those who're both youthful and healthful. His remark about feeling like he became drowsing with a stripper is amazingly off-mark, in spite of the indisputable fact that. It absolutely isn't loving or encouraging, that is more effective derogatory in nature. i'd say to seek couples suggestion, sexual issues are particularly difficulty-loose in relationships, in spite of the indisputable fact that it could be quite not undemanding once you at the instantaneous are not getting help from him. good luck!

Answer 5

WELL YOU PROBALLY THINK IT'S GOOD TO STAND BEHIND YOUR MAN. BUT IN THIS CASE,,,,,, IT IS A HUGE MISTAKE
YOU GOTTA STAND FIRM IN YOUR DECISION AND WITH YOUR DAUGHTER THERE, IT IS LIKE SAYING I APPROVED OF THE PORN AND HE'LL ACT OUT.
HE KEEPS IT OUT AND HE WON'T BE ABLE TO DO YOU IF THERE'S NOT A NAKED GIRL NEXT TO YOUR HEAD.
SO RIGHT NOW, YOU NEED TO TALK, GET SOME COUNCILING, REMOVE THE COMPUTER AND HAVE IT TOTALLY CLEAN BY A PROFESIONAL AND PUT IN SAFETY FEATURES. FOR THE SAKE OF YOUR DAUGHTER AND THE FAMILY, IT NEEDS TO BE DONE.
IF HE DOESN'T WANT TO, THEN SAY BYE TO HIM BECAUSE IF YOU ARE NOT #1, THEN THE PORN WILL BE AND YOU WILL NOT LIVE HAPPY AT ALL. YOUR DAUGHTER WILL SEE IT AND YOU KNOW WHAT WILL HAPPEND AND CONSIDER IT 10 X'S WORSE

Answer 6

WOW! - he clearly does have issues around porn addiction and this is not a man who occassionally browses a top shelf-magazine.

I am pleased that he was honest for admitting the problem after being caught out, but his honesty from the start was missing and this is naturaly going to contribute to you feeling very unsettled and very concerned about your future with him. His moral values were not in tact even from the beginning and men who have this kind of addiction do not usually respect the female form even if he himself is a very attentative and charming kind of man.

There is a split-personality disorder you are dealing with and his addiction is strong enough to cause alarm. He isn't using this porn to merley get a 'high' because he could get a 'high' from just being with you in that case. This is something that goes quite deep indeed and isn't a mere superficial fascination he has with sex. It is a deep-rooted and complex issue that you know and are intelligent to see and his addmittance to the problem isn't going to resolve it.

You are right to beleive that this isn't normal and this is an addiction as well as a split-personality disorder because he plays the role of the lover extremley competently but then lives another life outside of this that is quite real to him and for reasons only he will know, but he will have to get serious help with this because his problem lies in the roots that he has some difficulty with trust with women and cannot accept them as feeling beings. He is wonderful with you otherwise but cannot love you if he is in denial about this other problem he isn't dealing with and so this means that he has to split from himself.

A part of this man is shut-down and this explains why he does what he does, so he needs to get help and to do so with or without your support. You need to hear this and because I am experienced in my knowledge to know what I am saying and also because being honest with yourself is very important. He has got to do something about it and this is totally disrespectful to you and is obviously going to damage your trust in him and your self-esteem.

I went through this with a man and when I trained in psychology, I knew what it was all about so what I am giving you, is solid advise. Getting away from him would be ideal if you could do this and you will get through this because he is a sick man and needs help that you cannot give him. If you choose to stay, demand that he gets help and go with him to ensure so but keep a very close eye on your daughter because if he is looking at girls that look under-developed, he will be a danger around her.

Please don't beat yourself up over making a mistake, it happens to us all and your courage is amazing. You deserve better than this and don't allow his good side to win you over - this is a damaged man and he will remain so if he continues to be the way he is.

Just to let you know, porn is destructive to any relationship as it is whatever these people tell you. It is okay if it is a mutually shared and agreed thing but still, it does little to build intimacy and trust, but your partner is an addict and a split-personality.

Answer 7

I'm sorry to hear this. I've been confronting the same thing. Try not to expect perfection from anybody. WE're complex people who stand for values but get horny once in a while with the most bizzare things. That is life and there may be something that may cause him to need high levels of arousal. You may want to give him a chance if he agrees to seek help. Be careful of your daughter. have talks with her and expain her in a non threatening situation that noone should touch her privates. SInce you just found this out you will want to test the waters first to see with what kind of perv you're dealing with. However, its normal for me to look at the stuff but not too much since there tons for them todo around the house. SUggest him a hobby.

Answer 8

Rather than tell you to leave or stay I will ask you to ASK YOURSELF IF YOU CAN DEAL WITH HIS PORN WATCHING OR NOT.if you can deal with it and still feel the same way for him that you did before you found out about his porn watching then STAY if you cannot deal with it and it has changed how you feel about him then either LEAVE or demand that he choose the porn or you.But be prepared to LEAVE if he chooses the porn over you.Trying to accept it is impossible if you see it as trash and dirty and the HELL with what the world and others think it's your life and only you can decide what you will accept.

Answer 9

another person fro the 1940's.
do you know that women can drink at the main bar now? ph my gosh! ghey gave back people the vote!
comon! there is nothing wrong wth what your husband is doing. could it be that you dont like it because you are jealous?
why not watch a bit of it as "research", then blow his mind. if you can satisfy him more then watching some plastic hussy on a video, he'll have no reason to watch it.
go on. release your inner hussey!~

Answer 10

your fiance hid this from you when he shouldnt have. he knew youd disapprove of him watching porn but went ahead and did it anyway. tell him that you dont feel comfortable with him watching porn. that you thought he was decent. he should have respected your morals but didnt. im sorry to tell you this, but hes not going to give up porn. he may promise you he wont ever watch it again but hes addicted to it. you can either try to be comfortable with it or you have to leave him. those are your only options.