This is my first marriage and we've been married for a year. In that time I have sold or threw away everything I ever had while I was in another relationship...I cared so much about many of these things..for example all of my musical equipment and instruments. She considered them tainted from another relationship although my girlfriends never so much as touched any of them. I want to know if I am asking too much of her to get rid of her wedding dress from her last marriage. She says no way! Her only excuse is the fact that it cost so much but I have made many sacrifices to pay bills with my stuff in the past. We are still in a financial jam as I continue to sell everything I care about while that dress is just making me mad. Why is it so important?
2006-11-04 11:03:49 · 29 answers · asked by Kevin S 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
There are no children from this marriage and it is not her mother's dress. She said it cost $3000 ....My music stuff was alot more than this.
2006-11-04 11:48:22 · update #1
Ugh! Sounds like double standards. If she's demanding for u to get rid of things from your past then she should reciprocate the favor by giving away things from her past. Fair is fair...although I don't know why u two make such a big deal about it in the first place. Those material things are just things. It's the two of u who are attaching emotions to them.
2006-11-04 11:16:14 · answer #1 · answered by cheetah7 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I understand that your wife believes the wedding dress costs too much but she should be able to part with it. Although it was her first, it represents a marriage that wasn't sacred, obviously. Now, your best bet is talk to your wife about doing something with the dress. She should donate it [for a good cause] to people who cannot afford a wedding dress or a real celebratory marriage for that matter.
There are many women out there that have to get married in off the rack dresses from department stores because they don't have much for their marriage. Your wife would be letting go of her past and allowing someone else to make memories with that dress. It's only a suggestion.
2006-11-04 11:09:48 · answer #2 · answered by ♪Msz. Nena♫ 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
If your wife has no children from the prior marriage to pass this dress down to.. She should definetly get rid of it. Sounds like you've made many sacrifices & things that weren't even in the marriage vocabulary. Now she still wants to keep the dress, that doesn't make much sense. Does she realize the value/cost associated with all the musical equipment/instruments? I'd make her get rid of that dress.
2006-11-04 11:19:55 · answer #3 · answered by Kammaka2 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I'm sorry to say, it seems as though you two are doomed. These things should have been discussed way ahead of getting married.
Secondly, I'm a married woman, and, yes, I found love letters and things from an ex while cleaning the attic. Of course I wanted to burn them, but I told him, you either chuck them, or put them somewhere where I'll never see them again. He threw them out. However, throwing out EVERYTHING from a past relationship? That's crazy. My husband was into sports before me, and he's still into sports now. I'd never ask him to throw out or sell any of his equipment just because he got it when he was with her. Same with his jeep. He bought it 7 years ago when he was with her. Do I care? No. That was then, this is now.
She's asking too much. Especially if she's asking you to get rid of material things that aren't even really connected to your exes, yet she wants to keep her wedding gown.
I'm sorry to say this, but get to couple's counseling right away. "Little" problems like this will continue to grow bigger and bigger.
2006-11-04 11:18:15 · answer #4 · answered by AnswerMom 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you are planning on selling the dress then she cannot use the excuse that it cost so much.Most women keep them for sentimental value,but if she has reamrried you then she should be willing to let it go.Does she have the dress from when the 2 of you got married?If so then tell her it hurts you for her to be hanging on to a dress from her 1st marriage.Also tell her that it has really been a sacrifice to get rid of so much that means a lot to you and that in light of that she should be willing to make this one concession. If she wont do it then there are other problems involved that she is not willing to address.Good Luck.
2006-11-04 11:09:18 · answer #5 · answered by Red 2 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Yes. This question was recently addressed on FitTV's "neat" with host organizer and life coach Hellen Buttigieg! It's my FAVORITE show. Things carry energy.
Hellen immediately made the wife get rid of the dress. The wife actually dragged it out of the charity pile and put it back in her closet. THIS WAS NOT ALLOWED. The husband was infuriated. The wife was so spacy, she thought it would be great for her daughter when her daughter grew up or to play in. I cannot imagine anything more senseless and offensive.
She needs to do it though. She needs to recognize it's no longer a part of her life.
2006-11-05 15:18:24 · answer #6 · answered by bluasakura 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Hell yes, Get rid of it. You dont want a wedding dress hanging around that she was going to wear for another man. I am suprised she even wants to keep it. If it cost so much, she can sell it ,give it away, even burn it. It will prove to be a constant reminder of what could have been or memories of that man. You sacraficed items that you cherished for her behalf and I cant belive she would even want to hang on to a old wedding dress from a previous engagment. You want to make your own memories and that dress will be a constant reminder of that man she once loved. She may tell you that it cost so much "but thats a load of crap" BURN IT. otherwise that dress will haunt your thoughts and eventually drive you MADD.. If she can understand that, or she wants to hang on to it because it wass too pricey. Maybe you need to re-evaluate the relationship.
2006-11-04 12:01:39 · answer #7 · answered by suzysue37 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Is it really the dress that bothers you, or is it the fact that you have had to let go of so many of your possessions and she is not willing to do the same.......Everyone thinks marraige is 50/50......but that doesnt work for everyone.....All must be willing to give 100%.....If both are not willing to give all for the better of the unity.....someone feels cheated, resentment builds and the problems created will continue to snowball........
In the end it will be said...."it was that stupid dress"......but its never that simple.....Why did her 1st marraige not work out????
The dress is much more a personal item than your musical equipment......She should sell the dress to pay bills or to replace your musical equipment....
The question really IS....."why is the dress so important?
2006-11-04 11:58:33 · answer #8 · answered by Lrn'dTheHardWay 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I don't think you are asking too much. If it were me and I had a 2nd chance at happiness after a sour 1rst marriage I wouldn't want to have anything to do with that dress. No matter what the cost. It's just a reminder of unhappy decisions in the past. Tell her she insisted you get rid of your past to suit her, now it's her turn to do the same for you.
2006-11-04 11:12:27 · answer #9 · answered by Vida 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
May be the reason for wanting to keep the dress has nothing to do with her ex-husband.
The dress could just be a keepsake ( be it an expensive keepsake ) of the day she felt she looked her very best. She would definitely have been younger then than on her wedding day with you. Has she put on weight, lost weight, lost teeth, lost hair, gone grey, gain wrinkles?
If you sold your musical equipment as a sacrifice for her, did you do it out of love for her or in the hope of getting a sacrifice off her?
If you are in debt, are they your debts or her debts? Debts only occur when you live beyond your means, so learn to live on what you earn.
2016-01-17 23:20:57 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋