my husband is so mean!?

Question

he wants me to quit my job to take care of the house! not any childern but the house!
i work 35 to 40 hrs. per week , keep a very tidy house , clothes are always clean. food
always on the table but he wants me to quit an stay home like his mother did! i think it is he is trying to control me! i don't want to quit my job , i enjoy my work. he is really upset over this! how can i convince him to let me work an have my life too?

Answer 1

you need to tell him we are living in a new day an age! this isn't the 60's anymore. you should still have your job , if that makes you feel complete in this world. tell him you would feel controlled an under his thumb. you don't ever want to give up your independence!

Answer 2

I wish my husband made enough I could stay home full time! That would be a dream! However your situation sounds different, he does soud really controlling. Try sitting down and having a calm discussion with him, try to figure out what he dislikes about you working outside the home. Is he afraid you'll cheat with a co-worker? Does he wish you cleaned or did the dishes more often? Tell him you're trying hard in all areas, but if there is a specific complaint, try to improve it. If it's a trust issue, thats a little trickier. You could have him come visit you at work or call at random times during your day (if your workplace and schedule would allow it, and you're ok with it), or invite a friend from work (preferrably female!) over for dinner some time, even show him your pay stubs or time card. But the first step is talking to him, tell him you like your job and it gives you a sense of satisfaction or fulfillment (or whatever YOU get the most out of it). Tell him how you feel and ask him what he needs from you that work is getting in the way of. Then he will feel cared about and be more likely to tell you what's really going on with him. Good luck!

Answer 3

All I can say is STAND YOUR GROUND. Don't let him get even an inch of control over you like that. If it starts with this then it can progress. I totally agree with the other posters here. There are lots of good tips. I would say to sit down and talk to him and let him know that you are a person, not property. You don't tell him what to do so he doesn't tell you what to do. You are his equal, not his servant. Finally...if it get's to this point...you may want to put divorce in the back of your mind. He may end up giving you an ultimatim. Be prepared for that. if he is so hell bent on having his way then he can have his way without you and find someone else to be his stay at home wife. don't want to sound so harsh but sometimes it may end up to that. take care.

Answer 4

You might remind him that years ago men used to walk to work or ride a horse but life progressed.
Women used to wash clothes on a rock in a stream of water but life progressed.
It seems to me that he has a few things that could be bothering him.
1. Possibility you may find someone else (other than him) where you work---and he is worried
2. He has the old fashioned notion that 'men are the breadwinners' and need to supply for the 'little woman'.
3. Some of the guys at work have wives that are home and he feels like he isn't doing enough and you have to work too.
4. Maybe mama stayed home because she had kids to raise and in that day and time, a woman stayed home and raised the kids, by the time they didn't need her any more, she was too old to get a job.
No matter what the reason, you two need to talk. What about his mom, have you asked her what she thinks of the idea of you staying home and taking care of a house. She could be your best help. She may need to explain a few things to her son.
How about one of your husbands friends having a talk with him, sometimes men understand better when it is coming from a friend.
Good luck, but I went through it myself and all I did was sat him down in the chair looked him straight in the eye and said
"Did you ever think that I might LIKE to get out of the house and have something to do.
Did you ever think that maybe I hate cooking and cleaning on a 24/7 basis and for a few hours a day I actually get to talk to someone besides a dustball floating around?
Did you ever think that maybe I love you enough to want to go out and work so that we have something in common and I feel that I am contributing to our future and retirement so we can go places and do things together.
Did you ever think that I am working because I love you?
Its hard for them to think of comebacks when you add the last one!!!
Good luck and hang in there. I am still working; 4 kids and 42 years later........

Answer 5

Tell him what you feel that you like to work that you could really
use the extra income and that your not his mother. Tell him to lose his controlling ways or your walking you are strong and independent and you did fine before him and you can do fine after him. i know this may sound harsh but you deserve to live your life the way you want to if he thinks stuff is getting missed at home tell him to quit and he can start doing the work at home.
He is controlling you plain and simple.

Answer 6

well if I were you I would ask him why he wants you to stay home if you are already doing the duties of a housewife and a working partner. To eliminate you working, would eliminate extra income which could help you guys take vacations together, or purchase other things as a couple, and still allow you some time away from the house.

Answer 7

First of all, you don't have to convince him of anything. Marriage is a partnership. He is supposed to be you equal. He isn't your father, he is your husband. The sooner he realizes this the happier you will both be. Whatever you do, don't give in or you will start something you can't finish. Stand your ground. You let him walk on you once and he'll do it until you realize you have to file for divorce if you are ever going to be happy again. Be strong! I am woman, hear me roar!

Answer 8

He wants to be the sole provider of the house. He wants to be able to prove that he can take care of you. You don't need to be taken care of though and times can change. Tell him that you would get bored and depressed if you stayed home. you guys would fight more and you would be dissapointed with who he. He needs to understand that you have your life and your goals. He can't take that away from you. He needs to understand. He's stuck in the old ways and needs to realize women don't want that anymore.

Answer 9

I think he wants to control you. He wants you to stay home and not associate with anyone else. He may feel threatened about loosing you. He must not be very secure in his own manhood and your love for him. If you love someone let her fly and if she comes back then she is yours, if she doesn't come back then you never had her in the first place. He can't lock you up and expect you to love him. Tell him this.

Answer 10

Sounds like you have strong feelings about this.So put them to words.He doesnt LET you do anything.You are a woman NOT property.You were someone before you got with him and a second income is always nice.
He gives you no legitimate excuses for the way he feels,stand your ground.