i am a happy single woman who doesn't want children for various reasons one of which is my biological clock is non existent, but i am made to feel selfish and alien for not wanting children, even by my own mother!
surely it's better i realise now i don't want children than have one and then realise?
2006-11-04 09:45:33 · 17 answers · asked by harmonica 2 in Social Science ➔ Psychology
Yep. And you know, the other day I was sitting in a traffic jam, and I thought "what the world needs is more people."
2006-11-04 09:47:39 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Oh, the pain of shattered dreams. I remember so well hoping for something, dreaming about it, and realising that it wont come true. If the dream was a foetus and the realisation that it wont come true is a miscarriage....
It sounds like your Mother has a cherished dream of becoming a grandmother, and to find out that it aint likely to happen has thrown her into bereavement, but because no-one has actually died (and it is still generally unacceptable to show true feelings in Britain) she probably can't bring herself to be honest.
So her grief is coming out in an attacking way. The anger/bargaining stages of grief may be leading to her trying to manipulate you into changing your mind by attempting to make you feel guilty.
That other people are also making you feel selfish and alien.....could this be a reflection of what you believe about yourself? Deep down do you perhaps believe you are selfish for not wanting to bear the sacrifices of freedom and sleepless nights and all the work that goes into a being a parent? It is a huge task. A huge sacrifice to our freedom for at least 16 years! Also, do you believe you are a freak because, with most people around you with children, you find yourself in a minority and therefore different?
What if your purpose were to give birth to other kinds of gifts to those in your life. Happiness is a great gift to give birth to, and it is the best gift we can possibly give those around us, particularly our parents. When they see their offspring happy, then they know they've done a better job than they thought.
I personally don't have children and never will. It is a choice of raised awareness. Yes, those I know have children or plan to, but I believe that in my case my purpose isn't to bring children into the world but to deal with other challenges, and I think doing so (in my case) would have been detrimental.
2006-11-05 04:16:39 · answer #2 · answered by Sassie 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well done for being honest with yourself & others you should not have children if you do not want them. Too many people have them and then let other people including Grandparents bring them up. I my self waited until I was 29 then I devoted my time to them & my husband I could not and would not have had a career as well. Stick to what YOU belive is right for YOU
2006-11-04 17:55:57 · answer #3 · answered by H 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes, I understand completely where you are coming from. I am a young, single woman in a male-dominated career field - military, and pilot at that. Many of the men I work with are married and many of them have kids. I think 3 babies have been born in my squadron in the last month (hmmmmm that winter musta been cold :P).
Anyway, I was talking with the guys one night and let it slip that I wasn't planning on being a stay at home mom. They all stared at me like I had a third arm growing out of my torso. One of them had the nerve to tell me that I'd never see my kids and that I'd never really know them if I didn't get out of the AF when I had kids. (Um, HELLO, they work, do they not know their kids?) Well, then I told them I wasn't interested in having kids. For goodness sake, I'm working on being a pilot in the Air Force, who has time to be pregnant and give birth?
Apparently deciding that having a career and a life is more important to us than spending our time pregnant and breastfeeding (a choice that men don't have to make, but still have no problem judging those of us that do) is a crime against society. I'm sorry, I must have missed the part in the girl contract that stated I was required to push out a couple podlings before I died.
I'm not completly opposed to the idea that SOMEDAY I may want a child. But I am tired of feeling like a leper for a)not wanting to ditch my amazing career that I have been working my rear end off for YEARS and b)possibly not wanting kids because I feel it would be the right thing to do if I want to keep said career. I get really fed up with men judging me (again, they don't have to choose between the two - are they afraid that I'm encroaching on their bread winning territory or something?) and women telling me "Oh, but you'll want to experience the joy of life" as they burp their new baby (maybe they're just bitter because they have to wake up for 4 AM feedings, clean bubble gum out of their toddler's hair, shuttle kids to soccer, and I don't?).
.... okay, that was my rant. All bitterness aside, it's really easy to focus on the negative and not notice the people out there that do support your decisions. I have had people commend me on deciding not to bring a child into this world if I'd rather focus on my career instead of trying to divide my time and possibly failing at both. Have confidence, find a guy that is just as career oriented as you, and get a dog. :)
2006-11-04 18:17:58 · answer #4 · answered by Charade 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I do not want children either yet I am frowned upon by my friends who are now all obviously pregnant or have had babies
My ambition is to travel the world how can I do that with a child of any age
2006-11-04 17:49:55 · answer #5 · answered by toon_tigger 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you really feel like that, then you shouldn't have any children just incase you wouldn't want to take care of it because of your selfishness and stuff. And if you're not sure, try baby sitting or something to be around kids.
2006-11-04 21:09:10 · answer #6 · answered by Beebee07 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is just because it's normal to have children
so to behave outside the norm is often frowned
upon, for both men and women. (Think being
gay etc.)
I do not doubt your non-desire to have children
just as I do not doubt that others with your conviction
changed their mind (or regretted not changing their
mind) later.
But then this could also be said about those that
have children too.
Feel good about your convictions, and do not feel
a freak despite *their* best efforts! :-)
2006-11-08 15:31:11 · answer #7 · answered by Ego Fatigo 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Never fear, there are a lot of us who don't want children. Just google "Childfree" and you'll find plenty of web resources for you. You are not alone.
You're right, it's better to not have children than to have one you don't want and then realize you wouldn't make a good mother.
2006-11-04 17:50:43 · answer #8 · answered by HelloMeg 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Yes .. people keep saying ... one day you will have children and they laugh at me. You are not alone and it is perfectly okay to not want to have children. The world is already over populated apparently anyway ...
2006-11-04 19:10:33 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
yeh i told my friend the other day i dont particularly want them, as im perfectly happy with my life she looked at me in disgust and just said when u meet the right man im sure u will!! er no!! i do like kids but dont think id like em meself!! i did feel a bit of a b***h when i really thought about what id said as she has a daughter.... but surely my decision!!
2006-11-04 17:51:21 · answer #10 · answered by misslj76 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋