When your partner (g/f) commits a serious boundary infraction(ie. lying, cheating, etc....) at what point are you trying to persevere because its wrong to run away from every problem in life, and at what point do you say,"forget it, this is a pattern and I won't be subjected to it any longer"?
2006-11-04 08:42:22 · 19 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I think novel is a sagitarius, eh?
2006-11-04 08:53:10 · update #1
No one can tell you what your limits are but yourself & your own heart.
These questions should be posed to your significant other as well. You could ask something like "Just how many times are you expecting me to forgive you?!"
If she's a really convincing apologizer, it's going to be hard for you to say no because you love her & want to believe her. But sometimes you need to chill your heart out a little & just try to listen to your mind. I only say that because you may end up just getting hurt over & over again if you continue to take her back.
I agree w/ you that we shouldn't run away from our problems, but it may turn out that you'll be glad she's just your g/f & not your wife.
Sorry I can't be more definitive than that. Hang in there, ok? :)
2006-11-04 08:58:56 · answer #1 · answered by Rocker Chick 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
2 times
2006-11-04 08:46:08 · answer #2 · answered by liyah's mommy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think a good place to start is to look at your own behavior, not your partner's.
1. What was your part in the infraction? (I'm not talking about blame, but could your behavior have contributed to the infraction?)
2. Ask yourself, "Are these types of infractions common with the partners I somehow wind up with?" (If so, it would be interesting for you to explore your own boundary issues... it could mean that you feel like you don't deserve better)
3. After answering the first two, you'll see if this is part of your own pattern. That will help you to see if the infraction is a real problem or if it's you just looking for an out.
Bottom line is that we teach our partners how they can treat us.
Lying and cheating are serious problems, of course. And they would be deal-breakers for me.
Good for you for taking a look at this.
Good luck.
2006-11-04 08:53:20 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
This is a tough one...it all depends on the cicumstances. Are you in love? Is your partner? People have reasons for doing what they do. Is there something in the relationship which isn't working (communications is a big problem these days...people don't take the time to discuss the good and the bad). Have you noticed a different behavior over a period of time? Do you have proof that the lines were indeed crossed? My take on it is that everything can be worked out but you need to find the source of the problem or it'll just come back again to haunt you. Whatever you do you need to be civil and discuss the issue (not who's doing what but what caused your partner to do what they did).
2006-11-04 08:47:30 · answer #4 · answered by B 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Everyone can make a mistake even when it causes the person they love pain. However a mistake and a continual lack of respect are very different. I am a pretty easy going person, and feel that everyone deserves a second chance. I do not believe in third or fourth chances though. Sometimes when we love someone walking away can be the hardest thing we ever do, but sometimes it is the only option.
2006-11-04 08:48:56 · answer #5 · answered by novelwyrm 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
after a person has been hurt, they need to know they can trust again, that they are safe to love that person again, if the person has shown no change of behavior, or if they keep doing the same ole thing, over and over again, and in spite of you making it crystal clear, inspite of u telling them of the consequences, than it is time to move on and know that u did your best, that u forgave many times before. depends how long and how many times they have hurt u, and if it is a pattern of behavior, this tells u who they are. comes a time when one has to think of themselves, and know that the situation is not going to change.depends alot on if the offending party is remorseful, and can be accountable if they have hurt us.a person is judged by their actions rather than their words. i assume u have set boundaries, communicated your hurts, and made it crystal clear what u will no longer accept in a relationship. if u have done all this, and still there is no change in the person's behavior, than it is quite okay to want to protect oneself from any more of the same treatment.
2006-11-04 09:08:25 · answer #6 · answered by jude 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
that all depends on how much you love this person, and willing to forgive them. I stayed in a relationship for 3 1/2 years that I should've gotten out of very early on, partly because I loved her and mostly because I was afraid of being alone. But keep in mind, the more she see's you are willing to forgive these things, the more likely she is to keep doing them. Hope this helps.
2006-11-04 08:50:13 · answer #7 · answered by Bluesman 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It depends on the level of commitment you are at with this person .Honestly if something hurts and is causing you massive amounts of stress remember your health is the #1 thing GL
2006-11-04 08:45:57 · answer #8 · answered by Sheila B 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What are your expectations in a relationship. What are your values? What type of personality in a partner do you admire. Write down the important elements in your desires for a mate......and stick to it!! no exceptions.
2006-11-04 08:51:01 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I would say, if it happens a second time. Because the first time it happend you gave her the benefit of the doubt and gave her a second chance. But they say, "3 strikes you're out"! But I would say if it happend a second time, I'd be out the door.
2006-11-04 08:46:40 · answer #10 · answered by TRULEY MADLY DEEPLEY 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋