I have been married for 11 years, have two children. I love my wife and kids, but over the past year I have found myself having romantic thoughts for another woman. I do mean romantic, not sexual thoughts which make it even more confusing for me. The other woman I have become friends with and fortunately I do not believe she has any idea about my feelings.
I feel guilty drom these feelings almost like I am cheating on my wife. What should I do.
2006-11-04 07:58:40 · 22 answers · asked by private359 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
try romancing your wife more maybe you need romance try with her and see if your fantasy go away if not maybe you can write them down to get rid of those feeling and throw them away
2006-11-04 08:01:58 · answer #1 · answered by christina c 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
First of all you need to discontinue this friendship. If you continue it then you are asking for trouble. Besides would you want your wife having a male friend that she had romantic feelings for? I am guessing not!
Secondly, if a thought like this comes into your head, immediately change it to thoughts of your wife. Spend more time thinking about
what you love about her, your romantic times together make plans for romantic get aways. If you feast yourself on your wife throughout the day you will find your desires for her will increase and the thoughts of the other women will decrease.
The other thing to think about is if you are starting to fantasize about other women then maybe your marriage is lacking emotional intimacy. If you were emotionally connected with your wife, and your commitment, these type of thought would be repulsive to you. Try having more intimate talks, holding hands, rubbing backs, bathing together, and going for walks.
By the way, you said " almost like I am cheating on my wife"
This is called an emotional affair! So you are not wrong for feeling that you are cheating on her. If you are waisting these thoughts on someone else you ARE cheating your wife out of them!
Put a stop to this relationship, and channel those feeling and thoughts to the one you love. Your wife and kids deserve a emotionally and physically faithful husband and father.
2006-11-04 18:07:34 · answer #2 · answered by Cjs 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
11 years, my husband and I will be celebrating our 11th coming up this week! My husband and I have a great relationship..reading your questions does send chills down my spine. I wouldnt want to be your wife, not to hurt or insult you. I think the romantic feelings for that other woman are you trying to find a way to be with you wife in that same way again. 11 years..is a long time..and sometimes I wish for romance as I think you are doing..
If I were you I would try to spend more time with your wife and distance yourself from "your friend". The guilt is killing you and trust me..it would devistate your wife even if there wasnt anything going on..I am sure she trust that she is the only one..and you dont want her not to be..
Woman are very emotional.. love and romance make them feel on top of the world. Your wife, I am sure would love to experience that with you.
Do this..pick a couple of your favorite memories of you and your wife, your wedding day/night, a time when you were dating, etc..Focus on those times and remember what it was and maybe even try to do something similar.
When I feel like things are going wrong in my marriage..I focus on those times..it makes me feel better and that I can have that again someday..
2006-11-04 17:08:04 · answer #3 · answered by giveu2tictacs 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ask yourself why you married your wife? What was it about her that you loved that much that you chose to make a life long commitment to her?
I reckon all men think about other women and imagine what it would be like to be with other people. But its what you do about it. You feel guilty because you love your wife, take her out for fish and chips and a walk on the beach, or whisk her away for a long weekend-get to know the person you fell in love with all over again, put her to the forefront of your mind instead of someone else.
2006-11-04 16:50:28 · answer #4 · answered by sugar 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hi private,
I was in your situation when I was with my ex, we were together for 8 years and while I admired his intelligence and sensitivity, I was never physically attracted to him. Then I met a man at work I was instantly attracted to and, without thinking, I acted upon my attraction. Needless to say, that was the end of my relationship with my ex.
I think the most important thing for you to do is to sit down and really think about what you're feeling for the other lady. Is it lust? Physical attraction? Love? I know you say it's a romantic interest, but does this mean you want to wine and dine her for a short time or that you see a potential long term future with her? Once you've really sorted out your feelings, I think you'll know what you should do.
Best wishes from bookyone
BTW: Thoughts are not actions, therefore they are not cheating per se. Heck, even Jimmy Carter lusted in his heart and I'd hardly consider him a cheater.
2006-11-04 19:09:52 · answer #5 · answered by bookyone 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You need to stay away from her or control these thoughts. My husband and I don't have friends of the opposite sex (It is "our" rule) just to make sure satan doesn't have his ways, if you know what I mean. Be careful. I'm sure you have a beautiful wife and children. Create a harmonious romantic vision of you and your wife and admire her beauty in every way and everyday. Appreciate her for giving you two wonderful children. Once you hold gratitude and love for her you can rekindle this love you already have. She would TRULY appreciate it.
2006-11-04 23:35:46 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Remind yourself why you are married to the woman that you are and look at your children. That should be two good reasons to keep it in your pants! but, If you think you might want to go farther than get out of your marriage because that is not fair to your wife or your children if you decide to cheat. A man with children should remember if he cheats on his wife he also cheats on his children. I know from experience my husband did.
2006-11-04 16:06:27 · answer #7 · answered by LKJ 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Stay away from that other woman. Take your wife out on more dates. Remember why you love her so much and why you married her in the first place! If that doesn't work, you both need to seek marriage counseling.
2006-11-04 16:02:08 · answer #8 · answered by S. Elizabeth 5 · 3⤊ 0⤋
You are the one allowing your mind to go there again and again! Put your thoughts in check and stop the fantasizing right now! You can and if you don't, then what ever bad sh!t comes from it, then you deserve it for not controlling yourself. You are a grown man for crying out loud, you should know better. Grow up! Don't end up being one of those guys that all women want to castrate!
2006-11-04 16:15:47 · answer #9 · answered by HazelEyes 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You are cheating on your wife. If you love your wife get those thoughts out of your head. If you cannot do it and be friends with this woman, don't be friends with this woman.
2006-11-04 16:34:08 · answer #10 · answered by morris 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think you know what you should do.
If your wife is a good woman, don't ruin your marriage.
Cut contact with this other woman permanently and use that energy to put romance back into your marriage. Your wife would enjoy it and you probably would too.
Write us back on your 20th wedding anniverary.
2006-11-04 16:07:31 · answer #11 · answered by Ade 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋