From your marriage??Today i was supposed to have spoken to my hubby or tried to about our problems mainly no communication, ignoring me, we dont talk,and no sex in 5 months.He's a med. school student 23 yrs old i am P.R girl 22 and graduated from college already with degree in buisneiss. I work a lot and sometimes with long hours and with a hetic schedule.We never see each other most of the time he is studying or sleeping. I have tried a number of things nothing works he puts no effort into this relationship and its mostly me who is trying to reach out and reconnect.We have been married 2 1/2 yrs and he was not a med student at that time.When i bring up our problem he ignores me says i am being dramatic or blank stare.
2006-11-04 07:58:30 · 4 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I am still waiting for him to come home from the library like he said he is 3 hrs late and has not called.I cater him while i am home and he does not even notice or barley.maybe gets me a nod!
2006-11-04 08:01:37 · update #1
It just makes me so mad when I hear of problems like yours. Why is it that a spouse is prepared to put up with being treated like a dormat? Why do we consider our spouses feelings more than we do our own? I dont understand it at all. We are supposed to be equal to our mate and that means we expect to be loved as we love them. We expect them to make up feel like the most important person in the world....Maybe I am naive, but I couldnt accept anything less in a relationship. Sure, he is busy, he is studying to become a doctor and it takes hard work and commitment, but that doesnt mean it has to take up every waking moment.
You have to make him realise what this is doing to you. You have to make him realise that him ignoring you is making you miserable. Dont worry about him saying you are being dramatic, its just his excuse for not giving you any attention and just because he says it doesnt mean to say hes right. When he says things like that to you, tell him you are not being dramatic and his behaviour is jeopardising that marriage....does he think that is being dramatic? If he continues like this then I have no doubts it will end the marriage and is he prepared to see that happen?
A lot of men and women get to be so comfortable that they can say and do what they like with no consequences because the spouse puts up with it. They dont act. They say its upsetting them, but do nothing about it, so thats why they feel so secure. Its in the actions, not the words will anything change. Dont allow him to give you the blank stares. Dont allow him to call you dramatic. Maybe to prove your point you could pack your bags and walk out the door and as you leave you could say..."Now this is dramatic, had you listened to what I have been saying, then this would not be happening"
Maybe before this happens tell him that it is exactly what you are going to do if he doesnt start considering your needs. Tell him you are very serious and make him believe it. But also in telling him this, put a plan to him...make some guidelines, e.g. every Friday night you two spend the night together, just the two of you, no books, no library, just the two of you concentrating on both your needs. If he continues this way, then I believe the marriage will not survivie because we can only put up with so much before we say enough is enough. Assert your rights as his wife and make him believe everything you are saying is the truth. They are your feelings and he has no right to put his own interpretations on them. You are feeling them, so he has to accept that they are real simply because they are real and nothing he can say is going to change how you feel. He needs to start spending time on you, that is a given, or else the marriage will fail.
2006-11-04 08:19:50 · answer #1 · answered by rightio 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
(You have a degree in business? Is English your language? Before I answer this question, you need to know that your ways of expressing yourself lack precision, hon. If you spent 4 years in college, it didn't take, as far as your command of English.)
Now for your question:
It's tough being a med student -- bet he hardly has time to be competent on the job.... those guys get their socks worked off. It is unlikely he has enough energy to even drag himself home, and assuming there is no other woman, he indeed doesn't need to come home to a hassle. I doubt that you are being overly dramatic.... your needs are just not being met, and as a wife of a med student, it may be sometime before they are. You need patience, maybe, and maybe a weekend together, to rekindle your love. Until that happends, wives of med students have to put up with a lot...... hope things get better, sweetie.
2006-11-04 08:10:52 · answer #2 · answered by April 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
well i think i would call him totaly RUDE! to just give you a nod. he is completely wrapped up in his self an his own life! i would not waist one more day on him , he is using you to get through his schooling!
2006-11-04 08:06:58 · answer #3 · answered by ~just_jd~ 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
maybe he is just so consumed with school he doesn't realize what a a@#hole he is being try writing your feelings down and put it in his wallet or lunch somewhere he will read it and maybe if he reads it he will understand what you are feeling and he can read it at his convinence
2006-11-04 08:04:36 · answer #4 · answered by christina c 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋