My husband and I have been married for three years and we have an 8 month old daughter. The thing is when our daughter was only two months old my husband tried to have sex with my best friend and totally broke my heart. Well, I gave him another chance and took him back. My daughter is eight months old now and I still can't get over him trying to cheat on me when I just gave birth to his child. We have been to marriage counceling and every other kind of counceling and I still hurt and still can't trust him even though he's around me all the time except when hes at work and I just can't help but wonder if hes thinking of her or other women and I just don't know anymore if I should stay with him and just suffer feeling the way I do because we have a baby or if I should go and try to move on. I don't feel I'm in love with him anymore. He said he did it because I wasn't giving it up but, I was so tired all the time due to the baby any suggestions? I don't even want sex anymore with him.
2006-11-04 07:41:58 · 15 answers · asked by LKJ 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
this guy is a creep get rid of him and find someone that will love and respect you and your daughter good luck
2006-11-04 07:49:09 · answer #1 · answered by ken j 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds to me that your husband is very selfish. having a affair at any point in a marriage is wrong. It also sounds like he isn't thinking of the child you two have had and the responsibility that he shares. All the counseling in the world will not do any good unless he will willing to really look at himself and WANTS to change. If he was more willing to haul his end of the load at home, and consider you and the child in his actions and thoughts it would make it easier for everyone.
I take it from your tone that so far nothing else has worked, there fore I believe that it COULD be in your child's and your best interest to separate until a more workable arrangement can be made.
I normally would not suggest such a thing, but if things are as you state, (and I have no reason not to believe you) then this would be the last reasonable course left. I'm sorry that I could not give you better advice, but perhaps this may be of some help. Good luck in your decision.
2006-11-04 17:38:00 · answer #2 · answered by kamikaze_4021 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know how you feel. My husband and I have been married for 12 years. He had an affair last year. I am still hurting over it. They say time heals. I guess in a way it does. I dont hate him anymore. I dont think you ever completely get over the hurt, But every day that goes by it gets a little easier. If you love him and you feel he truelly loves you and he is trying to make your marriage work, I think its worth staying. If you havent already, try keeping a journal. Write your feelings down. I just started doing this and it does seem to help a little. It also seems to help to talk to others that have gone through the same thing.
2006-11-04 16:25:50 · answer #3 · answered by dana t 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds to me like you've already made up your mind. I was going to suggest that you try to put these thoughts into a garbage can and when you are going through troubled times that you take the lid off that can and see that things could be a lot worse. But I personally do not understand how a male could cheat on his partner while she was giving birth to his child but each to their own. If you feel that your marriage is worth salvaging then try to repair it honestly. But if you are going to continue to mistrust him then it will just make both of you miserable. Do not stay together for your little girls sake as she will sense the unhappiness and tension and this will affect her later in life also.
2006-11-04 15:47:51 · answer #4 · answered by crazylegs 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
when the trust is gone the marriage is over. My x cheated on me for 12 years of a 14 year marriage. He started after our first child was born. I did not learn of it till the 3 child came into the picture. I caught them together. He was vary abusive to me mentally, physically, and emotionally. He tried to make it my fault. I finally got the nerve up to leave him. My kids and I have been vary happy ever since. I remarried and am vary happy. My husband and I have built our relationship and marriage on trust because that is what matters most to both of us. And with the trust comes love. Do what you feel is best for you and your child. Good luck
2006-11-04 16:40:55 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
i don't blame you for not wanting sex with him. another woman an sh_it like this , is the biggest turn off i too could ever have to face. the trust issue has been broken an you may never be able to trust in him again. even though you may have forgiven him , it is still so hard to just go on with him. an i think it will eventually tear you up inside. just be honest an tell him how you feel. he may have some new words to put you at ease.
2006-11-04 15:50:36 · answer #6 · answered by ~just_jd~ 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
in times of trouble or disapointments, and someone not getting what they want, their choices show us their true character, and what they are made of. until u decide to forgive him, the situation will forever control you. this is the present, not the past. if u say he is always home, and not cheating now, than u have to let go of this. perhaps he was not as repentant as u had hoped for. his answar for why he cheated is a bit troubeling, and places the blame on you, and takes the focus away from his bad choice. that is why u are still hurt. that is why it is not yet resolved. so this needs alot more communication, he needs to understand why u are still hurt, because he didn't take responsibility for his part in it. he threw it back to u, as if he had done nothing wrong.
2006-11-04 15:58:40 · answer #7 · answered by jude 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well i give you a lot of respect for even staying with him. But if you have gone to counseling and he hasnt changed or you feel he hasnt changed, then i would leave him for the safety of your heart lest he does it again and your daughter. You deserve a better life and not to stay with a cheater. Good luck in whatever you choose.
2006-11-04 15:46:36 · answer #8 · answered by hermiasdeath 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Yes your marriage can be saved....please look over these links they have some very encouraging information that will help you and your husband to save your family...atleast do it for your daughter. I dont think men understand the emotional change we go through during pregnancy and how our bodies are changing and doing double work, but that still didnt give him any reason to be unfaithful to you. I know this info will help you and your hubby and that beautiful child.
2006-11-04 16:03:26 · answer #9 · answered by LifeWater 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
you need a break how are you supposed to make a decision when you don't know ...since you went to marriage counsling maybe you need to go alone to sort out if that you marriage is something you want... So have a trial serperation with him and seek counsling and then after a month or two make a decision.
2006-11-04 15:49:08 · answer #10 · answered by christina c 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's entirely and completely up to you whether or not to trust him again. A part of me says give him a second chance; but someone who cheats, and with your SISTER, I personally don't think I could recover from that. Especially when you are having his baby.
There are serious grounds for divorce there. I think my vote goes for seperating from him.
2006-11-04 15:48:34 · answer #11 · answered by Ade 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋