A week or two ago I posted on here a question - read it before you lecture me about what I have to lose or what a jerk I am....
I am 33 married to my wife for 7 years, been with her for 11. She is the only woman I have ever had. The urge to be with another woman - for sex alone not a relationship - is becoming so bad I am practically in physical pain over it and cannot keep my mind off of doing some other woman - ANY other woman. This is clearly becoming a problem and I have begun seeing a therapist about it.
Well - now I have told my wife that I am going to a therapist and why - I had no choice first she wouldn't stop badgering me about where I was going when I had the appointments and then when I told her I was seeing a therapist for a problem she wouldn't stop badgering me about that. So, I told her. Now she is completely withdrawn and says she can't trust me at all and freaks if I so much as make a phone call and write an email she thinks I am "on the prowl".
2006-11-04 06:55:51 · 20 answers · asked by fucose_man 5 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
So now I am completely cut off from affection in every form she won’t even kiss me – it’s been a week now. You can imagine how much this might help my situation. How on Earth can I make her understand that I am not trying to bag another woman, no matter how much my balls are telling me to do so? I would think I am doing the right thing here and most other guys just would have screwed another woman by now. Arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrgh.
As for those who propose swinger/threesome – she is 5000% against such a thing so forget it. She gets mad if I even muse about it.
2006-11-04 06:56:03 · update #1
Dude we WERE in Las Vegas in August and my wife told me a week ago that she wanted to find a woman for me to bang there to get it out of my system but she didn't tell me!!! So that's even worse - she's telling me I had an opportunity but now it's gone?? Sounds cruel...
2006-11-04 07:04:58 · update #2
Well she feels Hurt and maybe a little Betrayed. My suggestion is to see if your therapist will take you on as a couple.
2006-11-04 07:03:36 · answer #1 · answered by atkirk 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Honestly I can't understand why you would have such an urge to have sex with some other women. You say you love your wife so why the desire for another? There is more to life then sex...
it seems that you are so caught up in sex, that you are missing out on the greatness of your life.
Think about it, What if you did have sex with someone else. What if it was very enjoyable..What then? Would even the most enjoyable experience be worth losing your wife? Would it be worth living with guilt or feeling disconnected with your wife?
If you had experience with another then you would have others to compare to your wife...you are at an advantage, you can appreciate your wife fully and not have memories or comparisons getting in the way. You have the ultimate sexual relationship..no other can step in from the past...how great that is!
Enjoy your relationship and use those urges for your wife.
Your wife is hurt right now, but hopefully the two of you can talk this whole thing through. Try to see it from her point of view - you probably wouldn't want to be on her end of this situation. Just continue to let her know you love her and are committed to her.
Another thing that will help is to stay away from the junk on T.V , and media....it's all full of sexual enticements. If you keep yourself aways from the temptations, you will have better control of your thoughts and desires. An alcoholic wouldn't hang out in a bar!
2006-11-04 10:43:22 · answer #2 · answered by Cjs 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can't help how you feel. But i can tell you, you're wife is completely heartbroken. I would be. You are doing everything right. Talking to your wife about and counseling are perfect. I'm sorry that BOTH of you have to go through this. Just keep doing what you're doing, and hopefully you can work it out. But, i'll tell you, if i was in your wife's possition, i would not trust my husband anymore. I would feel like he didn't love me, and he is no longer attracted to me. I dont know that i would ever get over it.
Maybe, once it cools down a bit, try spicing things up, between you two. Try costumes, having sex in unusual places. things that will turn you more on to her, rather than thinking about other people. Maybe if she got a new hair style, or wore something a little more sexual that would help.
I hope you guys get through this. I can't imagine the pain for both of you. But i think you are a good husband for remaining faithful and being honest. A lot of men would just cheat and lie.
2006-11-04 07:10:48 · answer #3 · answered by Stark 6 · 2⤊ 1⤋
So she nagged you about where you were going, then she nagged the reason out of you (which she wasn't entitled to), and then she withdrew emotionally and physically to punish you for an urge you had no control over and were taking care of in a mature, reasonable manner. And even doing it for her sake.
You aren't looking for sex as much as you're looking for an emotional partner. Face it, you're wife isn't and maybe never was. Marriage counseling may help but if this isn't fixed, you have a lonely life ahead of you. She's the one with the problem, and contributed greatly to your "problem." Explore this concept with your therapist.
I think you should get your affairs in order and see an attorney to be prepared and protected in the event of divorce. Don't tell her that you're doing so or why. Or tell her you're making a will to provide for her if something happens to you. Your mortality suddenly dawned on you one day, and you know you're going to die. You need to learn how to lie. I wouldn't have been comfortable enough with such an unsupportive wife to have told her the truth in the first place. I'd have told her I was seeing a therapist about work stress or depression. Hope you learned your lesson.
Her behavior, by the way, is abusive. This is one way women do it.
2006-11-04 07:31:05 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋
I don't think you are a jerk. Coming from a woman who has been with a cheating husband, I commend you for being a man and trying to get help. You're right, most men would have just ran out and cheated. It's very big of you to at least try to find out what the problem is and fix it.
With that being said, you are a married man, even though it is natural to have fantasies, you shouldn't act on them with some one other than your wife. It hurts to know that the person you loved and devoted your life to has interests in someone else, but it happens. You have to decide what is important to you. Do you really want to loose your life and partner for cheap sex with "any woman"?
2006-11-04 07:10:39 · answer #5 · answered by Tiffany A 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Ok well here goes... my heart goes out to you and your wife. To the ppl that were mean about this; do you all understand why you enable cheaters to cheat? you do it b/c a person will sneak around and cheat on you instead of confronting the issue at hand and telling you their true feelings. What i can say about this guy is i can give him credit for acknowledging his feelings (that he really can't help physically) and bringing them to his wife's attention (although i feel that maybe she shouldn't have really known the true feeling and it should have been only the cousilor) and seeking professional help instead of being just another cheating statistic. Now i bet b/c of his honesty he's feeling that he should have just been a sneak about it and screwed other women anyways. I applaud you for your honesty instead of just being a snake and doing it anyways you got help. Your wife is a lucky woman to have a very honest husband, i only wished that my husband was as honest as you were. On her side of the coin i understand her being hurt. I would be very hurt too if my husband told me he desired sexual contact with another woman BUT i would be more at ease knowing he was honest with me rather than me catching him cheating on me (which i have) and i'm hurt. VERY HURT. all i can say is try to get her to come to the counsilor with you b/c it will help her... I'm sorry for the both of you but you need to realize that you guys have a stong foundation with your marraige b/c you are truthful and that's a VERY GOOD plus! Keep getting help until your desires are gone, pls don't go out and cheat it will only hurt your marriage horribly.
2006-11-04 07:53:14 · answer #6 · answered by kellie c 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Dude, in your earlier questions you state that you and your wife have a very active sex life. Don't screw that up!!!
My wife and I both had prior partners. And my wife falls short of those partners in the areas of oral sex and desire for foreplay. I know for a fact that her first lover had sex with her for longer periods than she's ever had with me.
You DON'T want to know these kinds of things. Accept you current "active" sex life as a true and rare blessing. If you're getting more than 10 minutes once a week, you should be jumping for joy. Sorry that your experience with counseling and honesty hasn't worked so well so far.
2006-11-04 18:27:06 · answer #7 · answered by tex37curious 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This happened to me, it was a washer that fell thru the carby down to the cylinders, but I didn't know it until the washer bounced into the spark plug. I thought the motor was stuffed. The little magnet on a stick would have helped. Remove all your spark plugs and turn the motor over by hand, stick your magnet in the spark plug hole as each piston gets near the top of the stroke.....you should be able to fish it out. In the lovely cold weather you are having, skinning your knuckles is a definite possibility....Yea.....good luck ol' son.
2016-05-21 23:28:00 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
These are real fun and helpful books for each of you. Go buy them both and make a deal with her that you will read and try the suggestions in "Light Her Fire", and ask that she read and try some suggestions from "Light His Fire".
Two books are written because Men and Women tend to be so different when it comes to these things. These books will help!!!! Really!!! And you'll have such a good time...you won't have any more interest in other women!! Good luck!!
2006-11-04 07:06:02 · answer #9 · answered by branchcaptain 3 · 1⤊ 2⤋
Dude! No matter how much you love your wife you got to get laid! Go to Las Vegas if you have to. The hookers are cleaner(and more expensive) But until you do this you will be a wreck! I know you love her..but, I can't imagine having sex with only one person for the rest of your life. That's something that women thought up to hang on to their men. Sorry ladies. But monogamy was invented by a woman. Good luck.
2006-11-04 07:01:53 · answer #10 · answered by Fireman T 6 · 0⤊ 3⤋