I learned from my private investigator that my wife was cheating on me with one of my best friends behind my back. My heart is broken. Anybody can give me advice on how to go on? I don't even know yet if I want a divorce.
2006-11-04 06:46:01 · 22 answers · asked by choosinghappiness 5 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I feel like I am dying inside from a broken heart.
2006-11-04 06:47:41 · update #1
I'm not religious so refrain from any religious advice.
2006-11-04 06:55:59 · update #2
I am real sorry dude. Call a lawyer. Women are just heartless biittches who only care about themselves.
2006-11-04 06:58:18 · answer #1 · answered by fucose_man 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Damn that really sucks. You were betrayed by two people who were supposed to love and respect you. They are both pretty despicable jerks in my view and should be highly ashamed of themselves.
I don't think this is a marriage that can or should be saved but only you can make that decision. I think the first step should be to contact a lawyer and discuss legal separation. Then let your wife and the jerk who pretended to be your friend know that the jig is up and you know all about their backstabbing ways. Tell the ****** who was sleeping with your wife to take a long walk of a short pier and tell your wife that you guys are legally separating so you can figure out what you want to do. She might want a divorce which maybe a blessing at this point.
When you separate really separate. Don't talk to her except in emergencies. If you have children have a neutral 3rd party facilitate drop-offs and pick-ups. Use this time to sort yourself out, get professional help if you need, and figure what you want to do next.
Time heals all wounds but only if you deal with the hurt first. So you will get through this. It will hurt like hell but you get through. You deserve better. This may be your chance to go out and get it.
2006-11-04 07:17:17 · answer #2 · answered by aibnyc 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow! if that happened to me , I think I wouldn't say anything , I would start getting all the assets and turning them into untraceable things like gold & silver & some cash , find a really good hidding place for that stuff , exstend your credit to the point where your equity meets your debt , for instence equity of your house , and when you have all the cards , get a divorce and let her help you pay off all that debt... Ha!
I did it to my ex and it took a little while (shes 80,000 in debt) and I'm feeling great , sweet revenge , and by the way that friend is no friend if he cheated with your wife.......
2006-11-04 07:09:02 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm so sorry. I know exactly how your heart feels. You must want to go away and die. It's horrible. May I respectfully make a suggestion? When that happened to me I was dumbstruck. I loved him. I begged him to stay. I literally got down on my knees sobbing and begged him not to break up our home. He said that he would talk to "her" about what to do with me.
They agreed not to see each other for four months and I would be on "probation" until then to see if he wanted to stay with me (Yes, I can't believe now that I agreed to that). I never slept. I never ate. I became emaciated and sick due to the trauma and stress.
His girlfriend gave up on him after three weeks. Our relationship was essentially over when I found out about the affair, but I tried for all I was worth to make it "okay" and to pick up the pieces. Four years later I finally left. The trust was never able to be repaired.
The only thing I could do was walk away and have NO CONTACT with him at all. I found that if I heard his voice or saw him at all, all of the hurt and fear would come flooding back and make me weak. I immersed myself in activities for me - yoga, shopping, friends - anything that was new and different and not a part of my life with him. I eventually stopped being so sad and dispondent and became furious! Then I started to get better. I forgave him, but I will never forget. I have since moved on and I am content and in love with another man.
2006-11-04 07:06:30 · answer #4 · answered by Dovie 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am so sorry to hear that. I know exactly how you feel. My first husband cheated me with my best friend one month after I gave birth to our son and I thought I was gonna die literally! I was physically sick and every other thing you can think of you name it. But, it took me awhile to realize I didn't want to be someone that I could not trust and if he could cheat on me with my best friend out of all people that meant he really didn't care about me or my feelings. In all reality if your gonna cheat which is bad enough you should not do it with your spouses friends. I cut my losses which was really hard considering I had a newborn child with him but we (my son and I) managed to move on and I met someone else and eventually married him and so far so good. I just recommend to really think about it before you do make a final discision. I just knew I could never trust him again but I don't know your situation. Good Luck in whatever you choose and remember that life does go on and there is someone out there for you that would appreciate you and love you unconditionally.
2006-11-04 06:57:42 · answer #5 · answered by LKJ 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Confront her with the evidence honestly you should never have stayed married to someone you did not trust having to hire a private investigator?maybe ask her why she did it?therapy if you love her want to save the marriage a good lawyer if not.Hope their are no children involved in this situation.Good luck!breathe !once a cheater always a cheater is most of the time true.
2006-11-04 06:53:04 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
sorry to hear that..I know that you have alot of emotions right now..the first thing I would do is...the guy is NOT, I repeat not your best friend...whatever you do, do not break up the friendship until after you have spoken to you wife..
Confront your wife in a no confrontational manner ( I know it is hard right now) show her the evidence then ask her to explain..and say to her..before you explain..1. you did this no one else, you made a choice on your own and do not blame me or find something wrong with me..because this is all you....then let her explain..see if she will say sorry and try to make it up to your by regaining trust. work out a plan..like where she is at all times.and who she is with..
Now if she doesnt say sorry and/or does not try to make an attempt to make it up to your by regaining your trust..then I am sorry to say that she feels no guilt for what she had done and she would not be worth staying married to..(in my opinion)
If you feel that even without her saying sorry or making it up..and trying to get therapy, you can try that...
I hope you feel better..I know how you feel...
2006-11-04 09:31:57 · answer #7 · answered by giveu2tictacs 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you are a good man then you deserve a good woman. You shouldn't deal with infidelity. Cheating is a big NO!NO! So You need to divorce her and find yourself a woman that will appreciate you and most of all respect you. Just remember that time heals wounds!! You'll get over it!! Good luck!!!!
2006-11-04 07:16:26 · answer #8 · answered by M & M 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hugs to you bro, I know exactly how it feels, it happened to me and I chose to forgive her because I loved her more than anything on this earth after my children. Unfortunately for me she just thought that it was going to be alowed so I ended up divorcing her.
This is something that you need to resolve by yourself, only you know what's in your heart and how far you are willing to go. Unfortunately you will have to take this walk alone buddy, again I know exactly how you feel, go ahead and cry, I did and felt better. I felt horrible to know that she would piss away our family and kids together with everything we had built for a few moments.
so good luck and if you want to talk feel free to im me
2006-11-04 07:23:49 · answer #9 · answered by ttepinzon 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, I am going to tell you what my husband did. We first went through this terrible horrible screaming fight. And we sat down and talked, I explained to him why I first cheated, and then I explained what I had from this other man that he wasnt giving to me. For instant, companionship, most important to me was that the other man was here to just hold me. Make sure that you arent neglecting her because 95% of the time its because we feel like we have been abandoned... Good LUCK
2006-11-04 07:30:47 · answer #10 · answered by kityfun4u 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why? You obviously knew something was going on because you hired an investigator.
Liars and cheats don't ever change, call your lawyer, divorce her and move on. Next time be more careful in your choice of partners. Good luck to you.
2006-11-04 06:52:26 · answer #11 · answered by tjnstlouismo 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋