Am i doing to much ??????????

Question

I am trying to get my hubbys attention by going to meet my husband at an extra credit lecture as a suprise but he got irrated and said i was a distraction?Learning how to make his favorite meals and cooking for him(went to a class).Leaving him notes saying i love him and miss him.Bought massage oils and asked if he wanted a massage.Perpared a bubble bath with roses and candles to set the mood.I keep myself fit 5 ft6 and 115 pounds and take care of myself i am only 22 and have no kids.Nothing works he is only 23 and we have not had sex in 5 months?He is a med. school student and i work in P.R so we dont see each other much but their is only so much i can do he only seems to ignore me.

When i see him he is sleeping or studying he makes no effort? to even listen to my concerns.

I bought the S factor video and pole still nothing and he wont talk to me!

Answer 1

Why bother with him? He sounds like a jerk. You're young, find someone better who is going to appreciate your efforts.

Answer 2

You're not "doing too much". I promise. I do that stuff for my husband all the time and the difference from him and yours....he's paying attention and cares. To me...your husband seems as if he is more important and his studies are more important than anything. That would be just fine if he were only a med studdent and not a husband. He has to understand and you need to communicate this with him, that he's more than just a student now and has other things to take care of. You're not asking much, just to say I love you back and thank you for all of the little things you've done for me. To me....it seems like he just wants you to do things for him to make his life easier as a student.

He's a med student too. That's hard stuff, so maybe he under a lot of pressure and is having trouble communicationg that effectively with you. I work 4 jobs and go to school and my husband works 2 jobs and goes to school and we are still able to find time to be with eachother. There is no excuse really, he's neglecting you a bit. No lovin in 5 months, that a while. If that was me, I'd be questioning too. When my husband and I haven't seen or been "together" in a while, I sit him down and simply say...this Saturday is date night. Then I pick the places and dinner and then i say next saturday or in 2 saturdays is date night again, you get to pick everything! It always works except around finals and mid-terms.

I hope this works or helps a little bit. I know being a med student is hard....i used to be one and i couldn't take the pressure. ask him to talk to you about what he's going through. There might be some underlying issue that you don't know about.

Good Luck

Answer 3

He is a med student and has been burning the candles at both ends. It is very difficult and time consuming if you want that doctor's shingle.

"I'm trying to get my hubby's attention....." You may as well said, I am trying to distract my husband and sabotage his efforts at achieving his goal. I hope the light bulb went off. Now is the time to realize that you need quality over quantity... How much time can he spare in his waking hours to give you from studying and school and family business? Keep doing the things you do and agree over ground rules..

If you cooked the meal, then he is going to eat it, without the books, study notes, or TV. Soft music is an option but nothing to drown the conversation. You demand 30 to 40 minutes of his time, (whatever was agreed upon). Dinner is not a race. Shut the mind down, tune out the world and take a ahort vacation with you....IF he wants to set an alarm clock, fine, but you deserve the quality time and you don't want to be short changed...

Agree on a bedtime. No TV before bed, just you and him... 30 minutes to chat and snuggle and then lights out.

You can read... You can read the information in his books and you can read the questions at the end of the chapters.. If you feel the need to hear is voice and get some attention from him, then help him study by asking questions and listen to his replys to the question..

There is a lot of information he needs to learn in a short period of time, helping him study will give you some idea of what he is going through without hampering his efforts to pass. Scheduling quality time will help you out, and knowing that you are willing to help him get his nose in the books after the agreed needed break will only help him relax and enjoy the time more.

There will be a time when life will not be as hectic and he can afford to spend more time with you.

Answer 4

Maybe you are trying to hard. There is such a thing as taking care of him and there is smothering him. If he is a med school student he is under a lot of stress and that will take a toll on a relationship. Try to find something your interested in and pursue it, you need hobbies and things outside of him to keep you balanced and somewhat distracted. Give it time and see if it eases up. The no sex for 5 months, it could be worse. You could be married and not have had any for twice as long.

Answer 5

Why exactly did you marry this man? I say stop making yourself so available and if he's still ignoring you in a week then give him an ultimatum. Counseling or divorce. If he won't go, then go yourself so you can have the tools you need to cope with the divorce.

You are too young to be with someone who does not put you first. There are plenty of men out there who will. And if you don't heed my advice, in about 10 years you will be kicking yourself because he's not going to get any better while he's training to be a doctor.

Good luck.

Answer 6

If what you're doing is NOT working, maybe it's time to try another tactic......ask him what he wants from you , and needs from you. If he is 23 years old, red-blooded male, and hasn't wanted sex in 5 months with you.....something's wrong somewhere! Most males would not go 5 days, much less 5 months before they wanted their wife......there's more to this story than any of us knows right now....you need to TALK to him!I applaud you for being a great wife to him...you're going way above and beyond the "call of duty"! Good Luck!!

Answer 7

I know i would appreciate it if my partner would do stuff like that for me. Sounds so romantic and relaxing, especially the bath. And i think it's so great that you are learning how to cook his meals. I honestly don't know why he is not appreciating what you are doing for him. Did you ever confront him? Did you ask him why he's being like that?
How long have you guys been married and how long have you known eachother?
Did you ever try to talk to him about what's going on? Maybe there'es something that's bothering him but he wouldn't talk to you about it, i don't know, hun.
But i really hope everything works out for you guys because you really sound like a keeper!

Answer 8

Sorry but if it's been five months and no sex then I'd be wondering what he's been up to and who with. (He's way too young to want none for that long).
Ask him why he is so distant and if you have done something to cause it. Tell him that you need answers and ignoring your questions are making you believe there is something else going on. (other women)

Answer 9

no sex in 5 months - you need to move out.... especially since he doesn't want to talk about what's going on. Tell him enough is enough and you are leaving since he doesn't want you as his wife.... you didn't get married to be his life time maid!

Answer 10

Yeah you're doing everything right. I hope I can find a wife like you when I'm in medical school.