Ok..obviously not proactive, but I just can't shake off bad memories. I'm not all mopey and depressive anymore, my life is really great actually! But EVERYDAY, I have bad memories of stuff that happened years ago. I just need some perspective.
2006-11-04 05:10:33 · 12 answers · asked by hvjhv 3 in Social Science ➔ Psychology
I was a wild child as a teen. Lets call it a lingering complex. I never did anything to hurt anyone, but major self-hate. Rather lame, I know...not me anymore.
2006-11-04 05:13:03 · update #1
But can I be forgiven? I don't know if I can forgive myself sometimes. I act like nothing bothers me, and it's sad only in anonymous yahoo answers can I be honest. I love who I am now. But it hurts really bad sometimes.
2006-11-04 05:25:12 · update #2
Thankyou everyone, I was expecting hurtful answers. I know none of you know me, and it probably doesn't matter, but it helps reading what you had to say. I needed the perspective.
2006-11-04 05:31:41 · update #3
Well no, dwelling on your past is not healthy, but you know that or it wouldn't be bothering you so much.
The problem with dwelling on your past is the part of it you are dwelling on. You are dwelling on the 'bad memories of stuff that happened years ago'. Therein lies your problem.
In order to get perspective you need to start building a fresh outlook. But that means setting goals and ambitions for the YOU that you want to be now and in the future. What are your future desires? What do you want out of your life?
Surely there were good things that happened in your past, try to remember all of the good things. Even breathe a word of thanks for all of those good expriences, or the good people that had a positive impact on your life. Once you start dwelling, and soaking your memories with the positive rememberances of where you came from, you will start to see your future ever more clearly.
I speak from personal experience. Sometimes remembering the past in a negative light is like a drug, it's almost like we are addicted. But you're not. You are the master of your own mind and you can decide today to start thinking clearly about where you are going, and remember everything good in your past, present and future. Be thankful and make the very best of today and tomorrow.
All the very best with your success in this.
2006-11-04 06:38:14 · answer #1 · answered by quay_grl 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I forgot to change the oil on my time machine. In other words..smile =-) and don't worry about things you can't go back and change. Memories are a plague to many of us..Me included. If you drop a gallon of milk in the parking lot at the store..and you have no money left...you can..A. Be upset for a second, and laugh it off because you are lactose intolerant. B. Be distraught, and grab a mcDonalds straw from the glove-box and try to suck up that which is not dirty. C. Say "Oh crap..clumsiness has given me a calcium deficiency for the week" and wait til the next time you have some cash and handle your milk a bit more carefully. Life is a learning experience disquised as a hopeless menagerie of trial and error. Best wishes to you in your battle to forget. I stand at your side in the same battle..Mam'
2006-11-04 05:39:12 · answer #2 · answered by 35 YEARS OF INTUITION 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
First of all it's not sad that you ask questions here. It would be sad to go on keeping it inside with no release. And that's why you've been sad. Its good that you're letting it out now.
You re past, although sad, shaped you into the person you are today. And trying to understand it is only you trying to understand yourself and who you are. I think reviewing your past is not only healthy but necessary. People always try to run from reality and what happened, but it's only when we face ourselves, whether in the present or past, that we will make real progress. The fact that you remember what happened has made you realize that your life is good now and that you have a lot to be thankful for.
But be careful, because if you start to remember your past and you take nothing from it but pain and sadness, you're being counter productive. Remember your past, but remember with a reason. Good luck!
2006-11-04 05:54:42 · answer #3 · answered by zerohour 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
While I don't think it's healthy to completely immerge yourself into the past, sometimes it's not always a bad thing to remember where you'd been or the things you had done in the past. Those things that occurred in the past have molded you into the person that you are in the present. If you made mistakes in the past (which we all have), then occasionally reflecting on those mistakes helps you grow and learn as a person--a stronger person--so that you don't repeat those same mistakes. Hopefully, at least.
Your past has made you into the person you are today, but it is your present that determines the person you will be in the future. Reflect on past events from time to time, but don't let them consume you.
I have a lot of bad memories from my past that still manage to haunt me. But only because I allow these memories to. I know the feeling of self-hate all too well. It's so easy to forgive others and for others to forgive you, but learning to forgive yourself is by far the hardest of feats. You just have to remember that what is in the past has passed and that only you can try to make amends for your past by being a better and stronger person because you allowed yourself to learn from these things.
2006-11-04 05:47:23 · answer #4 · answered by xx_villainess_xx 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
what doesn't kill you will only make you stronger.... you will keep dwelling on these things until you have learned every lesson possible from that situation.... You are suppose to learn from your mistakes and your trials and tribulations, but if you are getting out and your brain is like she going right back in, that is when you are dwelling on the past... The past is what made you the person you are today... I know it may not all be white pure gold, but you still made it.... Praise the lord because some people didn't. You made it because you are suppose to help someone through it... Let the past go and move on..
2006-11-04 05:19:41 · answer #5 · answered by Shonda 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Accept your past the way it is. You can't change it. Just remember that what ever you did in the past, you had a valid reason for doing them. The fact that you had fun and didn't harm anybody else is great. But, you should never hate yourself. The best thing you can do now is to make the most of you future.
2006-11-04 05:25:38 · answer #6 · answered by Mr. Main Event 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
No it's not healty to dwell on your past, that's true.
You should get it out in the open and share it with someone you can trust. A friend or even a counselor. It's good that bad memories are comming to you. You could just repress them and that would make you feel even worse. So get the memories off your chest and hopefully that will get them to go away.
2006-11-04 05:14:06 · answer #7 · answered by Figneuton 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Dwelling on the past locks us into the past and prohibits us from being free to explore our true authentic selves that we where created to be, yes this is not essentially healthy but our mind highlights the places where people have hurt or rejected us and points us to the unresolved issues, it is this rejection whether perceived or real always ultimately manifests in rebellion.
The only way to loose and unlock yourself from these memories is to forgive the person that hurt or rejected you, I know this might be the hardest thing you'll ever have to do but it will set you free to be the person you were created to be, confrontation of the person is not advisable, rather write a letter saying I choose to forgive you and throw it away. (you might say but you don't know what that person did to me, but I know what they doing to you now) ...to err is human but to forgive divine...
take the road less traveled and make that courageous choice
and live free
2006-11-04 05:55:57 · answer #8 · answered by brightstar 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It isnt healthy coz it prevents one from living their lives. Its like thinking that youre 18 at age 10..... live for the moment and move on , when it is alll gone!@!!
2006-11-04 05:26:24 · answer #9 · answered by Thabi 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
No; looking back strains your neck muscles and causes you to bump into people not going your way.
2006-11-04 07:33:19 · answer #10 · answered by Sofia 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋