My husband slept with his exwife three months into our marriage. Nine months later she popps a kid. Well, we are going to go and see the kid for the first time today and I do not know what to expect. I don't know how I should re-act, his ex-wife is going to be there because she doesn't want to let the kid (baby) out of her sight. I do not want to be there, but my husband wants me to be there, I feel like this is a big laugh to my face from both of them. What should I do and how should I be today when we are all there, and my husband is holding his kid. I feel sick to my stomach, just thinking of how he is going to be holding this kid that they created three months into my marriage,,, HELP..
2006-11-04 05:04:43 · 21 answers · asked by Anilop 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
You should stay home for now.
Obviously this kid is going to be a part of your life from now on, so like it or not, so eventually you will have to adjust to it.
That being said, it is very cruel of your husband to expect you to witness the obvious joy and wonder he will experience the very first time he sees his child. It's a very emotional moment, and frankly could be the beginning of the end for the two of you because no amount of love in the world will be able to smooth over what feelings that will bring up in you.
Your marriage may be strong enough to survive this situation in general, but honey ... you will hate his guts, her guts and that innocent baby until the end of time if you stand there and watch while he sees his child with the woman he cheated on you with for the first time.
Don't go. Spare yourself that experience and memory.
I know a lot of people are saying to dump him. Normally I am all for dumping cheaters without hesitation but depending on the circumstances, a one-time experience with an ex is sort of different than regular cheating. It sounds weird to someone who hasn't been there and done that, but sometimes these things happen once as a way of closure for all things left undone and unsaid. Your husband was an idiot to not have used protection though, and I'm not in any way excusing his actions.
2006-11-04 05:15:57 · answer #1 · answered by BoomChikkaBoom 6 · 2⤊ 3⤋
you have to be careful here for your marriage's sake,,you keep referring to the baby as,'the kid',it is an innocent child who has no clue that his mum and dad do not live together let alone that he is the result of an affair,,you should go and you husband is trying to do the right thing including you because many would say it isnt your business,,he did wrong but it has been 9 months now and you must get over your anger,,to tell you the truth you could end up making him choose if you dont bond somewhat with this child,it is unfortunate but it could certainly be worse,,no one can blame you for being angry,,he cheated on you and with his ex wife,,which is a real kick in the teeth,,they have a baby resulting from the 'fling',another kick in the teeth,,maybe you now feel threatened by the ex again as she has a new hold on YOUR husband! these problems can go away if you and your husband really talk and you can come to see he has no real choice,,the only other option is you demand he never sees the child,,,,,,,,,,but do you really want to be that person,,,,,,,,make peace with your situation,,you did take him back after this affair so you have at least forgiven him somewhat! sit down,,turn off the tv and be honest how hurt you feel,,he cant change it but he can understand how much of you he is asking and probably getting too.it would seem to me that by asking you to accompany him he is prepared to show you there is nothing between them but the baby and it also shows her,,"this is my wife,and she is important"! and that is a huge deal,he has removed any hold she may try to gain and included HIS WIFE from the start.
2006-11-04 05:20:24 · answer #2 · answered by lex 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
You have two choices and only you can make the decision. One - you can leave him and just be done with the whole situation. He cheated on you and who know what else he might have done you don't know about. Who knows if this kid is even his! Two - you can stay with him, be supportive, and make an honest effort to include this child in your life (whether you like it or not). As long as you are with him, this child will be there and you can't hate on the child. Sure it might represent what went wrong in your marriage, but remember your HUSBAND chose to sleep with this woman - the child didn't ask to be here or for a life full of confusion or a messed up family. Make your decision and stick to it or you will just face more years full of confusion and doubt - sorry to say.
2006-11-04 05:40:15 · answer #3 · answered by Michaela 4120 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
girl I can understand how this feels like a slap in the face. You sticking with your man was your choice. But I wouldn't have, that's besides the fact. If you are going, look the best you can, you know let that "mom" know your still with him and you look better than her. Don't say anything rude or mean to her. And try not to act like it bothers you. This will be hard but try the "killing with kindness" thing, your husband will appreciate it more if you can keep it under control and not have drama around the kid. GOOD LUCK!
2006-11-04 05:48:52 · answer #4 · answered by VEGAS 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
What did you expect? You tolerated his cheating, so why is the result of his cheating a big deal? Babies happen when men and women sleep together. Personally, I wouldn't be interested in seeing HIS kid. Of course, I'd have ended the marriage IF he slept with his ex.
2006-11-04 05:43:22 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Why are you still married to this guy? He not only cheated on you like some pseudo Mormon type but he's rubbing it in your face. Stop right there and tell him to come to the computer right now. Oh hell how can I slap the snot out of someone through the computer? Refuse to go or you are in essence condoning his behavior! How long have you known? I bet the twerp just dropped this on you didn't he! Girl you need to escape! O.K. lets say you are going to go. When you see his ex, walk up, take her hand, drag her to your husband, place her hand into your husbands and say "Here you go, you two deserve each other"! Then walk out, file for divorce and please, TAKE HIM TO THE CLEANERS! Payback, big time!
2006-11-04 05:17:41 · answer #6 · answered by delux_version 7 · 2⤊ 2⤋
Wow...keep your head on straight, and don't say anything negative.
He is with you because he wants to be, do not be jealous of an innocent child, be happy for him being a father, and hold the baby, even comment on how you will make it a little brother or sister some day....that's as much advice i could say from outside of this situation!
Good Luck!
2006-11-04 05:10:18 · answer #7 · answered by Craptacular Wonderment 6 · 2⤊ 2⤋
obviously you forgave your husband since you're still with him...i don't think he'd be the one to laugh in your face like you say. if anyone it would be his ex. but i think he just really wants you to be there for him and your new stepbaby. just act happy and don't show any hard feelings while you are there. when you get home, if you did feel as uncomfortable as you think you will, tell him and mention that it'd be better if you didn't go with him anymore to her house to see his baby. if he wants you to be a part of the baby's life he'll bring the baby to you. if he's the dad and there's no custody issues yet there's absolutely no reason he can't take the baby for a while to spend time his son or daughter. just be stong for yourself and for him.
2006-11-04 05:10:56 · answer #8 · answered by hotmama913 2 · 1⤊ 2⤋
If you love your husband and he loves you, go along with him. Be mature and show how big your heart is. Let bygones be bygones. As long as he loves you more than his ex, you should be tolerant of his desire to meet his kid. Key questions, though - why did he divorce his ex? Why did he sleep with her 3 months into your marriage?
2006-11-04 05:17:27 · answer #9 · answered by thunk 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
i wouldn't ever touch him again and his used up diick!!! no way! HE CHEATED ON YOU AND MADE A BABY WITH HIS EX.....HOW GROSS.....TELL HIM TO HIT THE ROAD AND GO FIND A MAN THAT WANTS ONLY ONLY ONLY YOU......you seem like a strong girl...you are sooooo strong to face this....but if i were you, if he's sleeping around once, he'll keep doing it, and this kid is a blatant manifestation of their infidelity.....get rid of this scenario and find someone else....my god you deserve it!!!!!!!! i mean to say that you deserve something soooo much better than all this stress and crap!!!!!!!!! get away from this for yourself and think about YOU for a change!!!!!!!! and he seems very insensitive for asking you to be there...i agree with lang..that's just putting you in a VERY stressful situation....
god bless you bless you bless you bless you
i wish so much that i could fix this
2006-11-04 05:11:54 · answer #10 · answered by BOOYAH 3 · 1⤊ 2⤋