She was molested as a child, and now as an adult she has been unable to have sex or go through a pelvic exam. She has spasms that she can't control whenever there is a "threat" of penetration. She is married, and even so her husband is extremely understanding,she still feels she is denying him what every woman should be able to give. She wants children one day as well, and her husband will not do adoption, because he wants his own blood line. She on the other hand would love to adopt. Other options such as invitro or surragte mother are out of the question because they are too expensive. Is what my friend going through common for adults that were abused as a child? Is it really possible to have no control over your own muscles as she does? What can I say or do to help her? I am wondering whether hypnosis would be a good option? She is afraid to remember too much, however, because she only is able to rember much of what happened in her dreams.
2006-11-04 04:27:33 · 6 answers · asked by sabby 1 in Health ➔ Women's Health
I was also molested as a child and i learned to get over it. All your friend needs right now is someone to support her and you can be that person for her. In time she will let go of the past but in the meantime her family and friends need to be there for her.
2006-11-04 04:42:28 · answer #1 · answered by lollipop 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds to me like your friend is having trouble internalizing and rationalizing what happened to her as a child. Not that I can blame her. That is truly a terrible thing. What she needs is professional help. Someone she can talk to that will help her sort out all of her memories and feelings. They will help her find a way to deal with all of her supressed memories and find a way to trust her husband. That is essentially why she is unable to be intimate with her husband, she doesn't trust anyone of the opposite sex. I would assume that because of this reaction she was mollested by someone close to her that she trusted. She is going to have to find a way to trust again. That will be the only thing that will keep her from one day being divorced. If nothing else convince her to do it for her husband. He deserves for her to at least try. I know a lot of women that have been mollested and have had to have professional help to be able to cope with it. It is an absolutely devastating thing and can take years to sort out and deal with. But it can be done. And the spasms she is having is mental. It's her bodies way of expressing fear in an intimate situation because that is how she was programmed to respond to intimacy as a child. At this point she will have no control of that until she finds another way to deal with the fear and anxiety. I wish her the best of luck. Just be a friend to her and a shoulder she can cry on.
2006-11-04 12:38:16 · answer #2 · answered by Laura D 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Be there to support her, but she needs professional help. The spasms are most likely caused from post traumatic stress disorder. She needs to see a therapist. Someone she can confide in and tell all of her innermost feelings. By talking to her a therapist can also dig deeper and find out exactly what is causing this and help her to get over it. A Sex Therapists would be the best trained to help her. I would recommend that she goes to the therapist alone and when she thinks she is ready for sex, but before she does so, to have her husband go to a few sessions with her.
2006-11-04 13:36:06 · answer #3 · answered by devine_itallian 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I also have a friend that was sexual abused as a child. The uncontrolable spasms may be her reliving the experience each time. Therapy or counseling are probably her best option because she has supressed the memory..as much as she doesn't want to face what happenned it's probably healthy that a trained professinal talks her through what happenned..I am sure it will be of relief to her.
2006-11-04 12:32:17 · answer #4 · answered by Ankh 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
As far as a doctor's exam goes, would it help her if you or someone else she trusts is in the room with her? I'm sure a doctor would agree to that.
To the larger problem, though, I agree with others. It sounds like she could benefit from counseling. If for no other reason than it'd be a shame to let an evil act someone committed upon her to diminish her capacity for love and joy all these years later.
2006-11-04 14:19:47 · answer #5 · answered by izzy_a_dumas 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
get your friend professional help, but be sure whatever therapist she gets doesn't take over her life and make the trauma worse. it has happened to many women before. ***if she has had counseling before, this may not have actually happened!***
to peanut juice, she is a normal person who went through something horrible. YOU SHOULD BE REPORTED!
good luck!
2006-11-04 13:44:16 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋