miscarried....?

Question

i had a miscarriage just about a year ago... I am only 19 but i can't seem to stop thinking about it and how life would be... I can't wait to have one, especially two good friends are pregnant now... I feel as though why did it have to happen to me. I know everything happens for a reason but sometimes i have a hard time believing that. I thought my baby was fine up until my second appointment with the doctor and there was no heartbeat.. i just can't believe it... My fiance and i have talked about trying again and he is all for it... he just seems like he didn't really care about the first one... which i no he did and everyone grieves in their own way... but i am having a hard time with it still, especially when i see pregnant ladies.... am i having a hard time because of the certain things i felt? i don't no... what should i do to keep my mind of wanting to try again so bad and just wait patiently... i am not a patient person... thank you all very much!

i have a good job and have a house.... i know im young but it still hurts!

Answer 1

I've been in your shoes not too long ago. About four years ago i too was 19 and pregnant and I misscarried as well. It was one of the hardest things that I've ever went through. It will take some time to get over it and then agian you may never be able to get over it. Still to this day I wonder what life would have been like, what my baby would be like, and so on and so forth. I was pregnant not even three months later and everything worked out fine I have a georgous little girl and I am currently twenty weeks pregnant with a baby boy. I think it may have been easier for me because I did have a baby soon after I miscarried.

I miscarries due to a doctors neglegence. I was fine until I decided to go to the doctocr and he did my pap with a wire brush. I miscarries a little less then a week later. I was and still am scared to death about going to my ob appointments. I no longer see that doc but I am still scared. I was also married a week after I miscarried as well. We had our weeding planned for over a year and we had family already in town when I had to be admitted to the hospital for all of this so we just went through with it all and we are still happily married to this day.

It's HARD as hell when youa re young and trying to go to school and raise a kid but you know what if I can you can as well. This is a huge decision to make and I really hope that you make the right choice for YOU and no one but YOU because int he long run you will be the one who you mudt make happy not your family or friends or anyone else out there.

GOOD LUCK and hope things work out for the best for you and you may want to seek someone that you can talk to that has been in your shoes and understands what you are going through. You can hit me up through my profile if you would like to chat.

Answer 2

I am so sorry that you had a miscarriage. It is a very, very hard thing to endure and as you say we all grieve in our own way. You have to realize that it is different for your fiance', it was not his body that was undergoing the changes of pregnancy. I am not saying that he does not care, I am sure he does, but it is a more detached way than the way you care. It was part of your body, it was growing inside of you. It is more "up close and personal" for the mother.
I understand what you say about not being a patient person, neither am I. Still, your body will work at its own pace and when it is ready to shelter and nourish another baby, it will happen.
You ask the question, "why did this happen to me?". Do you really want to know the answer to that question? For some women it helps and others do not want to know. If it would help you to feel better go ahead and talk to your doctor or do some reading about why miscarriage occurs early on in a pregnancy like yours.
I can tell you that one baby will never replace the one that you lost. That is the way mothers are made and I understand what you are going thru. Still, when you are pregnant again it will help. There will always be a sad spot in your heart for the little one that was not meant to be but when your body is blooming with another little life the pain will be much less. Your fiance' senses this and in his way he is trying to heal your pain by encouraging you to try to have another.
Use this time in between pregnancies (because that is what it is) to be as healthy as you can be. Start now eating the healthy, nourishing foods that you know will be good for your baby. Prepare your body so that it is the optimal place for that new little life to be. Soon it will happen to you again and the joy that you will feel will soothe your heart, it will get better honey.
Take care of yourself, spend time with people that you love, nurture yourself and time will pass. You have wonderful things to look forward to, this is a magical time in your life. Try not to spend too much time looking back.
Feel free to write to me if I can help.
Blessings
Lady T~

Answer 3

Everything happens for a reason- this time, it wasn't meant to be. I know you can't wait to have a baby- if you know anyone who has one, babysit for them. Get some practice. It is a LOT of work raising a baby, and I'm telling you this from experience. I have a 13 month old son now, I was 23 when I had him. He had colic the first two and a half months which seemed like the longest period of time ever- we tried almost everything we could, and sometimes he still wouldn't stop crying. It was very difficult for me and my husband. He turned out to be one of the happiest babies I"ve ever seen, but when teething, he cries so much it's almost like those first two months. So we get lot's and lot's of restless nights (and now that he is older, he doesn't nap as much at all during the day -2 one hour naps if we are lucky). So it can be very difficult at times-especially with work.

I'm not trying to scare you into not having one, I just want to tell you from experience how it can be really tough at times. And you are still young- you have a lot of life to live. Try to spend your time now with your fiance- build a great relationship together first. Once you have a baby, it's alllll about the baby, and you don't really get a lot of time to work on a relationship-so it needs to be strong to begin with. Also- the entire 13 months, my husband and I have gone on maybe 4 dates total. Sometimes I do wish we had more family around so we could go out a little more, but, we love our son, and do love being with him- you just have to accept you don't get much "YOU" time. I have a hard time showering during the day too sometimes. I have to wait until my husband gets home.

Anyways, I'm sorry you lost your baby. My husband's mom had many miscarriages before she had him- and it was a miracle she did. My mom also had a miscarriage when she was pretty far along. It is very sad, it also happens to many people. When the time is right, and you and your fiance are completely ready, try again. For now, keep busy, have fun, and spend quality time with your fiance.

Answer 4

I know what you are going through. I have had 6 miscarriages. Each one was hard in its own way. The first was when I was in high school, I was only around 6 weeks but it was still heartbreaking. Then five months later I became pregnant again this time it went full term and I got my oldest daughter who is now almost 9. Then for the next 4 years I continued to try, I lost 5 pregnancies before I got my miriacle second daughter who is now almost 5. Then just two years later I had my third and last daughter who be two next week. I know it is hard to see now but things really do happen for a reason. Don't be afraid to try again it doesn't mean that you didn't love the first one it just means that you know that he or she is safe in God's arms now. And be sure to get checked out throughly. The reason for all my miscarriages was that I have a hereditary disorder that causes one ovary to produce non-viable eggs which means that they don't produce the right mix of hormones to sustain the pregnancy, and that every pregnancy could have continued if docs had caught it they could have given me hormone injections. Be sure to get checked by a REALLY good doctor.

Answer 5

I know how it is to have a miscarriage but mine was a little different i was seven months preg. and i was living with a abusive man at the time and when i went to get an ultrasound they had told me what had happened i had lost the baby i went to the hosp.for them to take the baby out i was in there for about 2 or 3 days and in that time i saw so many women with there newborns and it was very hard for me to see that but i also thought this is a sign from God to leave my ex and to start a new life so that's what i did i couldn't duel on it and now i am happily married and a baby on the way but you know it really makes me appreciate this baby and how much he means for me.

So don't give up and be happy you have a loving man next to you even though it feels like no one knows what its like to lose a baby its hard for him also just try to relax because when you put pressure on your self its harder to get preg.


good luck

Answer 6

Wow! Okay, first off, you're only 19 and you have plenty of time to have a kid. Enjoy life first. Seriously, have you traveled abroad yet? Do you have an education beyond high school?
I've had 3 miscarriages and I've given birth to one child. Most women will miscarry at least once and not even know it. So, the fact that you miscarried is normal, but what worries me is your obsessiveness...seriously, slow down, life isn't going anywhere...

Answer 7

i am 19 too and i had a miscarrage, it really is a horrible thing, i had it when i was about 16, i was devistated and went into a deep depression and i still have a little trama left in me, i think you should go to a theripist and get help, at some point i was suicidal too, so please make a good decision, i was going to the bathroom and this gross bloody sac came out and thats where it all started...

Answer 8

You are a child yourself, and you are not married, so you are right everything is for a reason, and it your question you gave many reason. I also had a miscarriage and it took about four year to get over it. At your age you should be thinking about college and maybe planning a wedding. Good Luck

Answer 9

you'll know when you're ready. no one can tell you when to have a baby. it's you're body. i had a baby that passed away after birth 6 months ago and now i'm 4 months pregnant. i couldn't wait. everyone told me to wait atleast a year but we couldn't it's up to you and you're fiance. don't let anyone tell you when you'll be ready. you'll know.

Answer 10

oh honey I'm sorry my mom had 5-6 miscarriges It hurts I know it hurt me knowing she had that meany it's normal to feel this way that was your baby I think anyone with a heart would feel the same way.