i have an aunt who i love dearly. She's been married for 25 years, and as far as we all knew, had a happy, healthy marriage. He used to be the kind of man who'd give her a convertible with a big red ribbon for her aniversary or came home with long stemmed roses just because. Last April she was diagnosed with cancer, and we all thought she was going to be well taken care of. WRONG! That dog took a mistress, started treating her badly, pushing her out of bed, and shoving pills in her mouth. Finally he commited her to a psychiatric hospital since he says he's fed up of it all. How come a man who for 25 years seemed to be the perfect husband changes so suddenly for a dirty, used, no good mistress?
2006-11-04 03:56:57 · 16 answers · asked by AMBER D 6 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
After being married for 15 years, my husband started an affair an left me when I became very ill and was diagnosed with a permanent illness.
Our marriage was perfect too. But my illness upset the relationship balance; I always took care of everybody elses needs first and it worked for all of us (me, hubby, kids).
He couldn't deal with me being sick and taking care of things until I got better, so he left for someone who filled his needs at the time. While I was very ill, he also pushed pills on me and did what he could so he could see his girlfriend.
Your uncle was a good man as long as his needs were taken care of by his wife. He is a needy man that just can't deal with taking care of his wife so he rationalized things out in his head and got rid of her.
Someday he will pay for what he did.
I hope your family has gotten together to help your aunt. That is your priority now! Get her out of the hospital and help her get better. Hospice is a good choice if she needs a lot of care, but be there for her.
2006-11-04 04:09:30 · answer #1 · answered by draws_with_crayons 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
From this case you can learn that you can not judge person from only outside. I think he was not change, but he already like that from beginning of his marriage. Your aunt is so kind to cover his bad manners. You'd never seen that until your aunt can not handled to cover it because of her illness.
But other explanation can be like this. He was changing because he has psychological problem according to his lover's (your aunt's) life and misery. He's so depressed and hopeless to cure your aunt. And while your aunt was getting worse, some bad smell rose up from her body. (Let you know, some cancer has very awful smell). If we combine all the reason, it's possible if your uncle changed because he had depression. Depression person can do extreme attitude and need physician help to cure.
Don't blame all that had happened. Don't blame him to because you don't know well what's happened between your aunt and him. And the important thing is don't blame other person and make some reason when you can not help your aunt.
Now the best choice is to take care your aunt in your place while still watch your uncle if he has worse depression.
Take care and good luck.
For all participants who call men are dogs, I hope you will not getting married or have a good married until you're dead or being suffered and realized how wrong you are. Please remember this.
2006-11-04 04:53:54 · answer #2 · answered by eddy 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
They don't! People don't change suddenly or slowly. This was under the surface all along. It took a crisis to bring it to the surface. Some people are great when the waters are calm. When things get rough, well they have no depth of character to fall back on and the result is that your aunt got snowed by a superficial man that was apparently well schooled in manners and protocol yet she never explored the depth of that soul to see who she really had there. If you would like to know how to avoid that horrible situation....read on! When you are planning to marry (this goes for the guys as well as the girls), get your potential mate pissed off (the reason is unimportant) to see how they act when put against the wall. Do they come to you and say "sweetheart, what's wrong? What can I do to correct this problem.......or.......Do they curse at you and get red faced with anger or worse? It's always better to know before you say "I DO!"
2006-11-04 04:11:08 · answer #3 · answered by scorpionsnakeeaglephoenix 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Salam Alaikum, Al hamdoullah Rub Alameen Just because you are bitter on this earth, doesn't mean you don't have goodness in your heart. When I go down to the market place, I return frustrated and upset because I know Allah SWT would never wanted us to be like that. Does it mean I am bad Muslim? It means I don't like what humans are doing. Al hamdoullah and AstugfarAllah in the same breath Identify things and remember I have given you this book so you may ponder over it, the wise! - Allah SWT Al Quran Al Karim tanslation May you keep going on that path inshAllah and remember not a human on this earth can help you until you help yourself. Nor can you help them unless you are well with Allah SWT. Also remember there is many out there that don't give a crap about anything. So remember not to waste too much of your precious time with them. Ma Salama and be khair inshAllah amin :) edit@ Will Rogers - Nice to see you back brother, Salam Alaikum :)
2016-05-21 23:08:58 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You never knew what happened behind closed doors. He could be the most wonderful husband to the outside world and be an unrelenting jerk when they were alone. My step father was a well liked man to the rest of the world. At home, I lived in fear of what would happen next, and what trivial thing would set him off.
You cannot know what the relationship dynamic was. It seems to me that this man was finally showing his true colors to the world.
2006-11-04 04:15:57 · answer #5 · answered by Your Best Fiend 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I wish I had an answer for you. I am dealing with a very good friend who has suddenly changed from the sweet man I once knew to a first class..well you know..The best explanation I can give right now is that SOME men are dogs.
2006-11-04 04:01:37 · answer #6 · answered by bunny 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
he is probably just under a lot of stress from his wife from 25 years being diagnost with cancer. I hope everything works out I really do. your aunt is in my prayers that she will get better. Best wishes from my heart to yuors.
2006-11-04 04:02:10 · answer #7 · answered by Blondie 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
There were probably some issues between the two of them that you were never made aware of....I'd say he didn't just turn on a dime....you just never saw this side of him until NOW.
And I'm sorry about your Aunt. Your Uncle sucks!
2006-11-04 04:01:46 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
one reason maybe that he doesnt want to accept what has happened,,,,,to someone who he has loved/known for most of his life
the mistress maybe just a way of him trying to forget the pain and getting rid of his wife the same
2006-11-04 04:01:30 · answer #9 · answered by s k 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋
It's called denial! His whole life was destroyed by his wifes situation. It's an unknowingly selfish reaction. Pity him but don't hate him!
2006-11-04 04:08:38 · answer #10 · answered by the_pharaoh109 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋