How is this poem............?

Question

I'm planning to give it for the school magazine.

I dreamt of a flower,
a pretty yellow flower
a fairly charming yellow flower
One so beautiful, One so wonderful
And shining so bright
brighter than even the sun
in the soft sunlight
as it moves with the calm breeze
as gentle and as graceful as it
Happy as in happiness, joyful as in joyfulness,
the flower is,
Pleasure as immense, Delight as intense
the flower is,
as it enjoys itself in this pleasant weather
A towering monument of youth and glory,
Standing tall, standing proud
Believing it would be like this forever.

Suddenly, the wind stopped
the sky grew dark
the sun dropped and disappeared
It became bitter cold, the flower bent
Frost covered its leaves, It started to shiver
as all the life was sucked from it,
with neither pride nor glory
it fell and dropped to the ground
The flower died, decayed and withered away.

Why such a sad ending
to a happy beginning ?

A chilling silence
had the flower remorsed
as it was humbled
by the ugliness and darkness
it had become
It had gloomily sought to
fight the dreadful pain
it was to enduring
but to no avail
It became weakened,
It became worn and it became old
It suffered as it shivered
and when it could suffer no more,
It lost all feeling, sense and then pain
as it bowed to an unpleasant end,
all lonely and all lifeless
the poor pitied flower

The dream,
my own future does it mirror ?
my sombre and sorrow future ?
A terrible fate awaited the flower and,
it too, awaits me.

Is the above detail also good.

Answer 1

Its the story of life .We start out so beautiful and life happens and in the end we wither and die.
Did you write this? If so its really good.
What is it called?

As for the sad ending it all depends on how you look at it
It starts out so bright and beautiful and withers in the end.
as we do.we start out as beautiful babies and then we go though the circle of life ..
if we are lucky we grow old and wither and die.so if you think life is sad which it can be it can also be very happy.

I was just reading over .how would you feel about white .as it is know for purity.
after all that's how everything starts out
.Maybe instead of flower [Rose] -[Lilly] etc.

The addition well its a poem in its self i think you should just leave it the way it is .the addition is very depressing it implies a very painful and sad life.is that where you were going.? you are very talented keep on writing,but you may want to lighten up a bit.Yes we do start out bright and dim with age then finally wither .But look at all the fun we have in between.

Answer 2

For me a poem has to have rhythm. It doesn't necessarily have to rhyme but it needs to hit my emotions. I think clarity of expression is important as well. I don't like to second guess what I'm reading about. I always look for what I term "poetic gems"in the text.

Answer 3

I liked the description words you used, but I didn't particularly like the poem. It has a good moral, but a poem about a "pretty yellow flower" needs more interest. Other than that, it was goood.

Answer 4

I think the flower describes humans very well. we start out as a little bud , we're happy. Then the cares of life get us down . And one day we look withered, and one day were gone .It is sad .... This is still a beautiful poem though .. Go for it !!!!!!!!!

Answer 5

i like the moral but not the way its portrayed... a yellow flower seems a little too chesey/ girlie. but i still think it is definatlely good enough for a school paper. there are a lot of famous poems that are worse lol.

Answer 6

i liked it sad but true, logical in a way kinda like people you know in an instant it can all fall apart.... good job i enjoyed this poem alot it told a story and you started and finished it that is very important in a poem

Answer 7

I like that you used a yellow flower and the Sunshine they are my favorite.

Answer 8

very Good!I love reading and writing poems too!I think you go for it!

Answer 9

I like the way you wrote it.

Answer 10

i liked that poem a lot it was beautiful