I recently married an asian man, whom I love! What I dont't love is that when his family comes to OUR house they continue to speak in their language, even though they can speak english. I feel it's okay when I'm in their house, because it's THEIR house. Doing it at my house, though, I feel that's very RUDE. During our house warming, my family was there, as well as his, and alot of my family members were offended. I feel like my husband should say something to his family, but I've heard him say to other people with this problem that they shouldn't have married an asian person. What do you think?
2006-11-04 03:23:32 · 14 answers · asked by Nikki 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
HE should realize there are ajustments he should have made when he married you too. you didnt just marry him. he said i do too. tell him it is your house too and it offends you that they disrespect you like that.
2006-11-04 03:28:44 · answer #1 · answered by phrani c 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
it is rude. you are the woman of the house, and with that title comes a certain respect. they are not giving you that respect. yes, you have to respect the fact that you married into a different culture, which is why you respect the fact that they speak their language in "their" house. it would only be an act of mutual respect for them to do the same in your house. talk to both your husband and your in-laws. tell them how you feel. be honest. let them know that it hurts you when they exclude you in that way. people treat you the way you allow them to. you are a member of their family now. as for the remark that "they shouldn't have married an asian person", if this is his belief on the matter he should have made it clear from the getgo. the same goes for him. he should be the first in line demanding that his family pay you the respect you deserve as a person, the woman of the house, and his wife. i can get on my soapbox on things like this...lol. just sit down with your new family and talk to them about it. just be open, honest, and sincere. hopefully, they'll respect you for it. have fun! best wishes! Blessings upon you!
2006-11-04 03:37:30 · answer #2 · answered by LennyWenny 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think that your right to feel the way that you do. It is Very Disrespectful to speak in a language that you don't understand in front of you in your own home. Your Husband should know and understand this. You really need to talk to your husband, let him know what your feeling. His family can speak English, then they should when their in your home. If the shoe was on your husbands foot, I'm sure that he will feel the same as you. Talk to him.
2006-11-04 03:30:48 · answer #3 · answered by Cas 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Speaking in another language in front of someone who doesn't understand is RUDE. It is like whispering in front of someone. When they are in your house ask them nicely to speak english, and if they refuse then have a heart to heart talk with your husband. You may not want to invite them to YOUR house again. If you feel uncomfortable at their house, then explain why and don't go there if they insist on that rude behavior!!! Don't be afraid to stand up for your feelings. Good Luck
2006-11-04 04:29:48 · answer #4 · answered by Sonny Boy 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Have you tried letting them know nicely that it worries you when they speak their language around you at your home? Let them know that a lot of your family felt alienated by their "whispering" and you had wished it was a giant happy party where everyone got along and mingled, but let them know that your family didnt feel comfortable doing that when they werent speaking english. Twll them how much you appreciate their language and culture, or you wouldnt have married their family member. You would just like to be let into the family happenings especially at your home. Let them know of your fears of being left out, and you dont mean any offense but if they could allow you to be a part of conversations and family parties in english. It's tough because you dont want to offend them, you want to \be a part of it and everything go smoothly and life to be a big happy one. Let them know you really do enjoy their presence at your home and in your family, but....Good luck!
2006-11-04 03:29:42 · answer #5 · answered by overwhelmed85 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I married a Latino man whose family speaks Spanish. I don't speak a word of it, but understand it a little. His family can speak English also, so when they would visit our home, he would ask that they speak English so I would feel comfortable, and be able to join in the conversation. I always felt great that he stuck up for me.
2006-11-04 03:28:05 · answer #6 · answered by Miami Lilly 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I know where you are coming from, every time I'm around my husbands family they speak Spanish including my husband. They all know English. So therefore I haven't got to know his family very well. And yes I do think it's rude.(It starts out in English ,hey how are you doing etc, then quickly changes to Spanish)
2006-11-04 03:27:54 · answer #7 · answered by Backwoods Barbie 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First learn to speak their language so you can communicate on their level. Once you have mastered the language discuss the situation calmly letting them know in YOUR culture it is offensive, request they be polite to English only guests by speaking English or not attend the social event. The key to this is learning their language and culture. You will be more for it and be able to bring a little class into this obviously deficient family.
2006-11-04 03:29:30 · answer #8 · answered by crkristy 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
i have the same dilemna ... my husbands parents speak spanish and they can speak english very well ... its rude when you are in your house for them to speak thier language ... your husband should realize how rude it is to you since you don't speak the language ... I would mention it to him and to his parents how you feel about it and how you don't feel included ... just because you married an asian man doesn't give them the right to be rude to you.
2006-11-04 03:27:10 · answer #9 · answered by emnari 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think, your house, your rules. It is rude to do that in your home, and your husband should be on your side no matter what - he needs to tell them it makes you feel isolated and not part of the family and that you want to be a part of things.
2006-11-04 03:27:24 · answer #10 · answered by chris 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I agree with you when they come to your house they need to respect your wishes..I would speak with my husband about the matter and if he didn't convey your feelings to them on your behalf then I would take it upon myself and discuss the matter with them in detail how it made you feel. Out of respect they should try but it's their first language so you have to take in consideration that maybe its not all done intentional it...Your answer to your problem lies with your spouse..
2006-11-04 03:31:18 · answer #11 · answered by Mechelle 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋