I am hurting so bad that every day sux.....
2006-11-04 01:27:00 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I'm sorry for you. I'm going thru something similar, but with 20 years together. You might never have a reason why this happened. I've found accepting that I can't MAKE him give me an answer or tell me the truth takes away a lot of the stress.
There must be some little things that are better with him gone, though. Something as small as having your room the way you like it now. You may never stop loving him, but you will move on. If you don't, you're wasting the life you have left! There's so much more to do and see yet.
Strengthen you relationship with your kids (if you have any), and with your friends. If you don't have friends, get out and do something you love and you'll meet some new ones.
I don't know how longs it's been for you, but at 2.5 month for me I can say that I'm really happy most of the time. I couldn't have imagined that only a few weeks ago!
Good luck to you, and don't stay home or in bed all day! Force yourself to get out and do things or go places
2006-11-04 02:00:08 · answer #1 · answered by I saw whatudid 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
There are several answers that have been good - but the biker bar is definitely NOT the answer. The problem is that you have put your heart into this relationship and there is no resolution, no ending, no point at which you could say it was over. That's hard. We are raised to believe there is an answer for every question, but you now know that there may not be an answer for you. You don't stop loving a person, but you can begin your new life without him.
Look ahead - not behind. What are the things you have always wanted to do? Is there a new career you would like, a new city that you have not seen?
Another person here said exercise - Absolutely do that - Science has shown that exercise increases the endorphins in the brain leading to a sense of well being. Walk around the block for starters.
Finally, if you can, go to a therapist to talk it all out. If you can't go to a therapist, sit down in front of your computer and write it all out - the frustration, the heartache, the pain, the questions. Keep writing until you just can't think of anything else to write. Cry until you just can't cry anymore. Then tear up the piece of paper and take yourself to dinner and a show. It sounds corny, but it really works.
2006-11-04 01:55:56 · answer #2 · answered by TLBFH 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
30 years! Wow, you out did me! Leaving is one thing, but, leaving without an excuse, no answers, no questions, just this void, such emptiness! Lady Langley, I am not qualified to give advice because I haven't dealt with this problem before. I can tell you I feel for you. The pain must be terrible. I don't know what I would do if it happened to me. There must be something to focus on other than this though. Work? Friends? Curiosity is definitely spiking here. I would like to hear more, so if you can add some other info. there's got to be an answer here somewhere.
2006-11-04 01:38:54 · answer #3 · answered by delux_version 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Hey-I'm sorry to hear that. I know about that pain that is so bad you don't think you will survive another minute. But you will. This guy treated you with great disrepect. I know it doesn't help to tell you he isn't worth crying over, because to you he is. As someone else said-maybe talking to a counselor will help. Get busy and stay busy. DO NOT go to a biker bar and pick someone up-you will only feel worse the next day. Take up exercise-it will help-really. And realize that each day will be a little better. Take good care of yourself. Hang in there, and say a prayer.
2006-11-04 01:37:12 · answer #4 · answered by moondancer542003 1 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Dear Lady Langley,
I went through a similar experience with my ex wife of 15 years. She just decided the night life and running wild was what she wanted. I couldn't eat, sleep and was dying inside. To stop caring about her was not an option, but I had to find some way to survive. Then the perfect answer came to me.
I imagined in my mind that the woman I had loved so deeply, had never cheated on after 15 years of marriage, and there was no way I could stop loving her, just one day up and died.
I let myself get all the hurt and anguish out of my system and remembered all the good things and the bad, and came to the realization that the woman I loved so much did not exist anymore, she was dead. That way I could continue to carry a good memory of the one I had loved so much, but now she was gone, and there was a person somewhere out there in the world that carried her name, but it was not her.
I imagined a very nice funeral, and a very nice burial, and as I laid the flowers on her grave, in my mind, I got the closure I needed so badly and I could now deal with the situation, as she was truly gone forever, never to return.
I hope in some way this may help you deal with the pain and suffering you must be going through.
Darryl S.
2006-11-04 02:03:03 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
on your 40's you the two ought to nevertheless have a great libido (menopausal hormones excepted - yet sometimes menopausal women are extra attractive- I talk from journey!)- and adult adult males are at their best! i might say that's unusual that intercourse isn't a precedence for him. that's how a loving couple frequently can convey themselves to their better half. Why ought to you will have learnt to bypass without? He ought to exhilaration you in different techniques if he didnt sense like intercourse himself. that's selfish of him as you have your desires too. If the two your bodies are in sync in which you're chuffed as you're, then effective. even nevertheless, merely by way of asking the question ought to advise you have some doubt on your ideas. he's a sturdy father, service, you have confidence him etc etc - so what's lacking? Are you chuffed he's chuffed? So what approximately you?
2016-12-09 02:20:59 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
That is along time to be married without getting answers for why. There will always be those memories but he let you go and has moved on. Its time that you do the same. You are hanging on to the fact that he will come back to you but you know that he has made his choice. If you have kids they would want their mother to go on with life being happy. It will take time and hopefully you will and can get over it.
2006-11-04 01:52:32 · answer #7 · answered by 2wild4u 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
First I like to say I'm so sorry and this comes from the heart. Years ago my husband came home from work and said he was moving out and that was all he said. But it's been 15 years and I've remarried and am happy. we can share again because we have grandchildren so we've been blessed. life will go on just go with it. sydney_dudley@yahoo.com am always here .
2006-11-04 02:42:43 · answer #8 · answered by mawma 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
After 30 years? You may never stop loving them, but you have to move on anyway. Go seek counseling, find new hobbies--find a way to make yourself happy without him. You may be amazed at how strong you really are and how happy you can be without him once you move on!
2006-11-04 01:30:00 · answer #9 · answered by blonde_bitch_norris 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I went through the same thing and I cryed everyday for over a year. You have to come to grips with yourself and move on. It's gonna be real hard but you have to do it to keep your sanity. It's hurts real bad beacuse you don't know why they left and you have no closure. Keep ya head up!!! You'll get pass it.
2006-11-04 01:46:11 · answer #10 · answered by blackcherry101 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋