If you got married "too soon" what is it that you regret?

Question

Alot of people say that they regret settling down too early and not doing things they wanted to do. Like what? Because im "young" But i know im in love with my boyfriend. we talk about marriage and a life together so much, it makes me feel like a princess. I know anything can happen at any time, but assuming it doesnt-- this could be the real thing. I dont see what I personally would "miss out on" coz im not focused on sleeping around, id ont care how many guys i go out with, hes my best friend as well as my boyfriend-- i can do anything with him, and i couldnt do anything without him. i dont see what i'd be missing out on my settling down with him. So when you got married/engaged and settled down, what did you feel you were missing out on?

Answer 1

i got married when i was 19 years old. I am in love with my husband more now than i was then, and girl, i had to listen to everyone preach at me about being to young, and not knowing what im doing, and all the responsabilities, and so on. I knew in my heart the way he made me feel, and the way i felt about him was true, and i wanted nothing more than to be his princess for the rest of my life. No one in this world can tell you what you feel for your man. You should make your own choices, thats the only way you will ever know for yourself if marriage is right for you right now. I think love is a beautiful thing, and is meant to be. So, if you love this man, and i think you do very much, then do what your heart tells you to.....not what everyone else thinks you should do!

Answer 2

If we would have regretted being married, do you think we'd still be married? You're young(er than I am) and it sounds like you don't really know a good relationship or marriage. You may not have role models in that department to look at, I know I didn't. But that didn't stop me from wanting it and wanting to find out what it was all about. What "great majority?" Divorce is 50/50% chance, that's not majority in my book, that's dead even. No not "sooner or later one gets tired" it's not like that for everyone, don't be so d*mn cynical about marriage. It's not a death sentence, even if it does end it's not the end of the world even if it feels like it. Humans were meant to be together, whether it's for life without marriage or for life with it. And as for where "does your dignity go?" Where it's always been unless you let a failed marriage define you and what you are for the rest of your life.

Answer 3

I'm still young, I have been married for almost 2 years and got married when I was 21. I married the first and only man I ever slept with, not because of relgious reasons, but because I wanted to. I have no regret what so ever. I love being with him, I love seeing him everyday, love waking up to him in the mornings and going to bed with him at nights. Hes not by far my first love or even my first boyfriend, but I was never into dating al ot of guys, I just knew he was the one when I met him. And if you think yours is the one, he more than likely is. If you want to try things out, why not move in together first, my husband and I did that. Live together for say a year and if you can live with each other, get past each others quarks, and can still say you love them and couldn't live without them. Then I say get engaged, and then have a longer engagement, so you can try that step and then get married. You can still work your way their, but if you are unsure, just take the steps slower. But ifyou are happy and you know, then he is right and all the best of luck.
My husband and I went from living together and then we got married, people would ask does it feel different. The answer was always no, we felt married long before that and living together first makes all of the difference.

Answer 4

You are saying you feel like a princess when you talk about marriage...this to me indicates you need to wait a bit till your head comes back to reality. It sounds like you may still be in the honeymoon phase...only you can say if you are not...I'm only assuming on what you wrote. Exactly how old are you? Marriage is more than just love. And knowing love, I trust you understand that it evolves, this even happens to people who are not married but boyfriend and girlfriend for a long time. It's a natural progression. It doesn't mean you stop loving that person, it's just you love them differently. Have you been through this yet? From my own experience, I knew my husband since we were toddlers...believe it or not I still learned things about him after getting married (good and bad). Be very very very sure that you understand what you are getting into, and that you are fully committed. I love my husband we've been married 6 years and have had some very intense disagreements, but also tons of happy times together...regardless of all the disagreements the word "divorce" is not in our vocabulary. I hope you understand that marriage involves sooooooo many things and not just love. It involves the families of both the people, working together on financial stability as a new family of 2, education of both the people (if it hasn't been completed), balancing home-life and career, having children and being able to support them, the meeting of 2 peoples ideas on life and how to live it. Every single one of these issues can create conflict or harmony in your marriage. Do you get along with the future-in-laws? Are any of you working and able to live independantly from your parents...if not are you REALLY willing to live with parents while married? (it's NOT easy!!) Do you have debt that is nagging you in your mind? Do you still feel there is more education you need to complete? If you get pregnant, are you prepared for spending at least $5000 on the baby in the first year (even after a baby shower or two). Like I said...lots and lots of serious things are involved when talking about marriage. Be very very very sure of what you are doing - young or old. There are way too many divorces out there...go for some premarital counselling and find out if you are really ready.

Answer 5

Getting married?

Many people I've seen who get married very young is and let's be honest here, want sex but feel ashamed from their upbringing to do "it" out of wedlock.

There is nothing wrong with getting married early. I was 26 when I got married, dated her for 6 years prior and still wound up divorced. Maybe we were already "married" at a young age and that's what happened.

The question is why. If by getting married that means you can have sex, that is the worst reason in the world. I'm not advocating teenage sex here (that should happen when you're older, at least 18 and out of high school) but living a little, going to clubs and night spots, etc., when your 21 and older let's one see what is out there.

The last thing you want is to look back and think, "I wish I had lived a little before I died".

Answer 6

I regret not having more self esteem in myself and settling for him because I thought he was the only chance I'd ever get to get married.

I regret marrying someone about the same age as me. I was 21 and he was 20. He just needed a momma to clean up after him, do his laundry, cook, make money to pay his credit card debt, and put out too. He lacked maturity (and so did I)

I was too young and too afraid of standing up for myself and not let him walk all over me. I SHOULD have trusted my gut instincts that he was a liar, among other things, but I put up with it and made excuses constantly for him. I regret doing that. I should have made him stand up on his own two feet and be a man and take the consequences for his actions.

I regret not going out and dating other men. I really lacked experience with that. He's the only guy I've been with.

I regret not going out and living on my own first. I went from living with mom and dad to getting married and living with him. I needed to figure out who I was/am

There are a lot more things but this is all I could think of this early in the morning. (gotta find some coffee! LOL)

Answer 7

"too soon" would be, IMHO, getting married right out of high school to your boyfriend that you have had since the 10th grade. many of my friends did it. they pretty much all got divorced in their mid forties when their children were gone. the ones that got married later are mostly still married now. later means , after college age, mid 20's.

you are either going to "have your fun" when you are young, or you will have it when you get middle aged. it is better to do it when you are young. when i say have your fun, i mean date new people, party, do the things that college aged people do. other examples would be move to a new town, work at different jobs, live "just for you" without having to answer to anyone else. when older people do it, its called middle-age crazy. when the young do it, its just part of becoming an adult.

of course, you will not listen to any of my advice, because you are at the age where you "know-it-all", you think that you have 'been there, done that", you know all about what true love is. what you dont know about is, working full time, mortgages, raising kids, being flat broke for years, cleaning house, and all the unglamorous, un-fun things that make up 99% of the time of being married.

i got married at 26, my wife was 22. been married for 22 years.

an edit--

the most important line in this whole post is, LIVE JUST FOR YOU, WITHOUT HAVING TO ANSWER TO ANYONE ELSE. no parents, no spouse. it might not mean much to you now, but one day it will. everybody needs to do this for a part of their lives.

Answer 8

I never felt I missed out on anything by being married.

I love my children, but I feel like I became a mother too soon.

It would be nice to be able to get up and go with my husband whenever I want without the task of finding a babysitter, or carrying along 2 small children..

Motherhood is the most rewarding and wonderful job there is, but be sure you're ready to do it. It's not all white picket fences, and they aren't baby dolls. I think a lot of young girls are in a hurry to be mothers and wives and have families and the perfect dollhouse life.

If you love your boyfriend and he loves you, and you're both sure of this- by all means, get married. But please wait a year or two to have babies. The reward is worth the wait.

Answer 9

mostly taking the time to get to know myself, and discover who i was on my own, make my own choices and decisions, just being on my own. i went from being under my dads rule to my husbands, and never had my own rule..i didn't learn how to make the right choices...when i divorced my husband of 19 years, i went kind of crazy cuz there was no one to restrain me and i got myself in all kinds of trouble!! so it's not necessasarily about missing out on sleeping around, or dating different guys it's just time for you, and that's important

Answer 10

I was too selfish & wanted things my way only.