urgh! i'm so upset! give me advice on how to solve this problem!?

Question

ok what happened is, the people i work with who i thought were friends have been talking about me behind my back and my friend told me it was really personal stuff that happened and was resolved a long time ago.

i'm really hurt because they betrayed me. and they found out stuff i didnt want them to know because it was very embarrassing. my boss knows and i'm scared i will lose my job

should i take a sickie, tell them how i feel, pretend like nothing happened, or quit?

i dont want to quit because i love my job.

what should i do??

Answer 1

When you go into work today confront each of them one-on-one. Don't get nasty. Just tell them you know they've been talking about you and that it offends you that they feel the need to do that. Tell them they need to stop or you will be filing a report with the boss, or even the corporate office about slanderous acts at work. Then go talk to your boss one-on-one. If the secret is work-related, come clean about what happened. If it's not, then your boss doesn't need to know what the secret was. Just tell him/her that something extremely personal got out among your co-workers and you need them to stop talking about it and spreading rumors because it is affecting how you work. In the future, don't tell anyone anything you don't want to get around..

Answer 2

Well I don't usually post here, but I found this conversation via a Google search because I just encountered the same problem.

My problem is not at work, though. It is on a university residence. You should be glad that they're discussing your personal issues and not your personality, as it seems to be the case with me. I am usually a really calm and cool guy, but accordingly, I don't talk that much.

I was walking through the halls tonight and I saw a gathering of five other people on my floor, so I thought I would see what they're up to. I heard someone say my name, saying something like someone was trying to get away from me (though I could hardly think of a situation that this is applicable to - it's quite possible that I got it wrong). Then another one of them has the brilliance to say, "Raj is here," and all of a sudden, everyone is quiet. I ask if someone was talking about me and they say, "That's because someone said you're coming."

I've encountered these situations before, so I knew enough not to pursue the matter in front of the group. They quickly dsbanded. I'm assuming it's because they were uncomfortable. I followed the guy I was closest to into his room, only to find that three of them had already made it. There was also his roommate who didn't know what was going on. Here I became weak: I asked them what they said about me in a manner that could be taken as a little too self-concious (an image I usually avoid) by telling them that I was a psychology student and that I wasn't stupid. After not getting any answers, one guy quietly tells me that he'll tell me later.

He leaves the room a few minutes later and I follow him. I ask him what happened. He tells me that they were talking about a time when I got a little sick and was slurring my speech and unable to walk, not quite like I was drunk, but more like if I was mentally deficient. I told him I didn't care if they made fun of me for that (because it was completely involuntary). He was somewhat surprised and asked if I had no shame at all about it. I confirmed it. I can't be absolutely sure he was telling the truth, but for now, until coming across any evidence to the contrary, I will accept it as so.

Now the issue remains: what can I do about the four others in the group? I want to retain my social heirarchy (usually the same structure: the most confident and best-looking are at the top, unless if they are, in some way, deeply flawed). This is what I was thinking: I wouldn't "confront" each one of them individually, but I would wait for the appropriate situation where I am alone with each one of them. That's when I will act unusually cold towards them and tell them frankly: "Hey, listen, I never had much of a problem with you, but if there's one thing I can't stand, it's when people talk sh*t behind each other's backs. So if there's anything you want to say about me, say it to me or just don't bother associating yourself with me anymore."

I thought of the line shortly after the incident. Tell me if it needs revising. Thanks to anyone who can help me out.

Answer 3

Go back to work with your head held high and try to shrug it of yes it will be hard at first but it will get easier as the weeks roll on by and if your boss ask you what happened just tell him it was a long time ago and you would rather leave the past in the past.Good Luck.

Answer 4

Act as if nothing happens. If your boss confronts you with this answer him boldly. He can sack you coz if it is that bad, you might not have told ur other "so-called" friends. If other people in the office asks u about this, just answer them in the same way and tell how gossip can hurt a person. and also how bad it is to talk behind a back of a person.

Answer 5

repeat after me.
i won't quit this job. i'm not the loser. i won't quit.

now, after saying that, i must say you shouldn't quit because you will come out as a loser, and they will laugh at you more. the best thing to do is to try to talk to them. if you resolve the problem by telling them how you feel, then that's fine, but be sure not to trust so eagerly since you might be betrayed again. if the issue will be resolved through the talking, ask them for an apology because they owe it to you. just be assertive.

if the issue won't be resolved and they even treat you more badly, then maybe you should just ignore them, cause they're acting like little babies. if you feel okay with talking to your boss about your problem, that's better, since he/she will understand how you feel. but if you think you'd better not say so, i advice you to just be careful and act the way you are: be nice.

well, i don't know what is it they are talking about so I can't help you with THAT issue, but I hope this advice works out. Good day to you. (:

Answer 6

For one , I would stop talking about personal stuff at work I know it's hard cause you think you can trust someone at work but you have to be careful people suck that's all there is too it. I would take the initiative to talk to my boss about the situation and explain that you are sorry your personal life became public but you were having a personal problem and you thought you could trust the person you spoke to but obviously you were wrong and you love your job and you hope he/she can see past this and from now on you will keep things business only. Let him/her know you confronted the people involved and the situation is taken care of that you did not want it to be made a bigger ordeal than it already was. He/She should appreciate that you took the initiative to handle it on your own instead of dragging everyone into it. As for the people who can't keep there mouths shut confront them on their ignorance just try to keep your temper, let them know that it was ignorant for them to annouce you personal life to people and that you thought they were better people than that and it's too bad cause it's their loss and them just ignore them except for business of course. After you say what you have to say you will feel better and then don't let them know it bothers you, be strong what comes around goes around, work gossip is almost impossible to stop. I really feel for you cause I talk to the girls at work to and you have to be careful keep some things private. Give it time in a couple days there will be new gossip! Good Luck!

Answer 7

Well, you found out you can't trust the people you work with, so don't tell them personal things.
Go on with your job, if you really like it and don't give anyone anything to gossip about.
I would just ignore the people who were doing the gossiping and not worry about it.
I wouldn't worry about your boss either. If he/she has a problem with you, deal with that, when it arises.

Answer 8

I would confront them about it. If they were your friends they wouldn't be doing those things. Since they were, I wouldn't feel too badly about telling them how i feel. Besides, it will make you feel better for saying something. None of them are saints either, if all of their personal secrets came out, they wouldn't be happy either. Also, if you're concerned about your boss, go speak to them. If it is something resolved from your past, it should have no bearing on your job now. Good Luck.

Answer 9

Nothing should stop against your faith As a muslim it is your duty to be honest even if your parent is against it. Keep fast and tell them the truth. Because your faith is important than our life. You cant pretend or make an excuses and this is not the righteous deeds You must fast and later fast is not more rewarding than this fast and this is not a good valid reason. I know it will create fight but i am afraid you have to stand for your faith and tell them the truth and Allah will guide you. Some how one day they will find out. so falsehood always perishes and the truth always comes out. This is your test and you have to face it and tel them the truth. Or avoid going to their house in this ramadan. But you cant sacrifice your faith and your fast. Do not sell your faith to please someone and this is hypocrisy. against islam.

Answer 10

Go into work with your head held high and don't let them bother you.

I would watch who I trust with personal information in future, and possibly not someone i work with.

If you are afraid of losing your job, then ask your boss for a quiet word, and discuss it with him/her...I am sure they will be more understanding than you think