Is my husband having an affair?

Question

Im beginning to wonder if my husband is having an affair. monday to thursday he comes home from work, gets changed then goes straight to the gymn, Friday night he goes straight to the pub after works comes home 3 or 4 hours later then if he feels like it has his meal and goes back out till sometimes 3am. On a saturday round about 4 or 5 he goes to the pub again till about 8.30 or 9pm. usually if anybody phones ( and he is in)asking him to go out he doesnt hesitate and takes every opportunity to be out. If I say anything he says he's doing nothing wrong. Any advice please would be grateful.

Were only married just over a year and trying for a baby when he is actually in the house. Don't really want to bring a child into the situation when it is like this. I have tried asking if anything is wrong and getting him to talk but he just says it's fine

I have tried just going and not being here when he gets back and it works for a few days but then he goes back to the same. At first I put it down to stress at his old job but he now has a new job and is loving it. He wasn't like this when I married him or I wouldn't have.

Answer 1

tell him what you have said here and see what he says? if he srugs it off then maybe try doing the same? dont be at home go out and have some fun girl! he will soon come round. if not then its time to move on! after a year of mareige you should still be in the honey moon period!

Answer 2

There must be a total lack of communication here! Work out how much free time he has (from when he comes home from work to, say, midnight ) every day and see how much of it he spends with you - work out the weekend free time too. He is obviously not interested in you, or avoiding you, and may or may not be having an affair.

He is certainly doing something wrong cos marriage should be making both of you happy and it isnt making you happy, is it?

Please STOP trying for a baby straight away. Your marriage may not improve and then you will be on your own with a baby to look after.

Tell him you need to sit down and talk. If he won't then you really have your answer dont you? You may have to leave him, drastic but true.

It can't love you very much if he doesnt want to spend time with you.

He might find it hard adjusting to being married ,and certainly he could have a night out with his mates once a week, but he cant go out every night if he wants to stay married can he?

If he really goes to the gym, four nights a week, he could be a gym addict, unless of course he is lying and NOT going to the gym.....

Ask for advice from your mum, or a trusted friend.

You can't ignore this - this is not right!

Answer 3

Tell him you would like to go out with him and see what he says. If he says no then he is probably cheating. DO NOT bring a baby into it because that won't change anything just puts more on you. Ask him if he want the marriage to work if he says yes then tell him you both need some marriage counseling, and he needs to spend time with you instead of being out at the pub. If he is faithful and loves you and wants it to work he will do everything in his power to make it happen. Good luck and God Bless

Answer 4

I don't necessarily think that he is having an affair but something isn't right. You need to sit him down and talk to him and find out exactly what the problem is. If however he doesn't want to say or if he doesn't give you a good enough reason, maybe you need to follow him just to satisfy your own curiosity that he isn't having an affair.

Why don't you offer to go out with him or maybe he doesn't want to have a baby and he feels that if he's at home he will have to perform. Either way you need to sit him down and chat to him as its obviously upsetting you. You two should be having the time of your lives after all you are still in the honeymonn period

Answer 5

Obviously he seems to think that he doesn't have to think about you at all in this relationship, as long as his clothes are clean to put on to go out in then he seems happy. My own personal views on this, seeing that he doesn't want to discuss anything with you and he feels that he isn't doing anything wrong excluding you from the socialising that he does would be to pick up some of those friends that you haven't seen for a while, start going to a gym or something similar, getting ever so busy socialising with the friends, and let the washing lark drop abit, so that in the end if he wants something clean he will have to wash it himself. If you are asked, then you have had a very busy week socialising with your friends! If that annoys him, then will be your chance to say, Hey we are married, want to go out then take me!! I'll ask my friends to meet down at where ever you are and then we can both be together yet socialise with our friends....I personally do not think he is having an affair, but with the gym all the time he obviously thinks and tries to be attractive possibly because he likes the attention of other women. Just play him at his own game and believe me it will spark something off so that you can get to the bottom of it! Unfortunately, some men marry and think that it is their right to treat you like a doormat-the wife takes over from the mother attitude, its down to you to reverse it!!!

Answer 6

So Friday nights he goes to the pub, and then on Saturday he goes to the pub? for hours at a time too. Gonna be honest you're a hell of a wife. Even if he isn't cheating he seems to be using the best time of the week for you 2 to be out drinking at a pub.

Answer 7

Maybe he's just avoiding you because he has thought about it and isn't sure he wants to have a baby right now.. he might feel pressured by you to have a child, when he doesn't feel the timing is right so he's making excuses to not be home. or maybe he's cheating..

This is something the two of you have to discuss with one another. Nobody on the outside looking in can tell what the real problem may be. We only know what you've told us. We haven't heard the daily conversations, or his side of the story...

Answer 8

hi..you haven't been married too long for him to start going out and not spending time with you......Men r weird and it is so hard to figure them out, it all could be hes being faithful but if hes not cheating on you yet he probably will..I think its time to set him down and see just what is important to him a family or the pub.I think id be postponing the baby for a while because if it don't work out and you decided you had enough then you wont be bringing up a baby with separated parents..........A baby wont keep you 2 together and its not fair to the baby. I sure wouldn't be setting at home alone.what is good for the goose is good for the gander. i wish you all the best.If you need to talk I'm just an IM and email away..*star*

Answer 9

Worrying about it, and straight out asking him about it won't give you the truth of the matter. You must have hard evidence to prove if he is having an affair. So my suggestion is to hire someone to follow him around for a few days and take pictures of him in action. If you can't afford a professional investigator, maybe a good friend can help, as long as they keep a low profile and have a telephoto Len's for their camera.
If you still have sex with him, use protection! Double dipping can be dangerous!

Answer 10

It sounds like he has the little woman at home doing the wifey things, and he's still being the bachelor having a good time. Have you tried going with him when he goes out? Do his gym clothes look like he's going to the gym? Not necessarily having an affair, but not being a good husband either. Talk to him, say you're starved of attention and don't like it.