I AM in SERIOUS NEED OF HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!! I cant deal anymore!?

Question

I am married to a man who has been out of work for a torn rotator cuff for now 4 mos. He has his sugery in 1 weeks time and also places him out another 3 mos to work normally. However, this injury... even though bad, hasnt stopped him from coaching football, or doing almost everything he has done before... all he cant do is lift really heavy things. I am 8 mos pregnant and while he and I are at home together all day... I do WAY more then he does. We have 3 boys at home and a 9 month old baby also. Our other two children are gone from home, but also require attention. I am up 30 minutes after him in the morning... and in bed the same time as him. I go no stop all day long. He gets up... and his only thing to do is run the kids to school. Most times he goes back to bed and sleeps while I am working. Everytime I have a pregnancy ache or sickness... he has it also and is sicker then I am.. etc.. and requires more sleep then even I do. He sits on the computer, or in front of the television.

HE sits on the computer for hours at a time looking for things that he wants for Christmas. He coaches football everyday and gets to socalize and talk to people... while I sit here and clean all night and take care of our daughter. I am lucky if I get sex 1 a week now... when it used to be almost everyday. HE gets backrubs everynight... and if I get a 3 minute backrub once a week... god I am lucky. I feel so lonely and so damn depressed. He says that the anti-depress... he went on has caused his sex life to decrease. I am on the same medicine and its also decreased my libido... but not like his at all. He screams at the kids, rather then reasoning with them. I am just so tired.

We have been in therapy and he doesnt listen to a thing the woman says. I have sat down and talked with him openly so many times that I am blue for exhaustion from telling him.

Answer 1

I have a similar situation in the past. Not exactly the same but similar.

I told my man to get his b**t out of bed and help me around the house. Some days I had to almost drop kick him to get him to help.

If he doesn't want to help and his family lives close by, then call and ask them to help you. It will embarrass him so much that he wont want to stay in bed any more.

Answer 2

Yeah having a serious injury can really get to you & make you depressed. Constant chronic pain can also make you feel awful a lot of the time - I know this personally. It still can't stop you from trying to do your best to make a contribution to the household. You husband needs a reality check in a big way. If he won't listen to you when you ask for help (& let him do what you asked, even if it's not as good a job at it as you'd do at least he's doing it) tell him that it makes you feel worthless to him & that it feels like you're nothing but a cleaning service for him., If this doesn't get to him try asking him to help you do things together ("honey - mind giving me a hand to pop this washing on the line/could you do the dishes or dry them with me now?"). If there's no joy I'd just stop doing any of his washing & site the cause as that you just don't have time without his help. I just don't get how some men can sit there watching tv or on the net & just watch thier woman running around doing stuff. Then they have the nerve to ask for lunch or something - that bugs me in a HUGE way when you've done all the cleaning & the kitchen is sparkling & they're like "I'm hungry, can you make me some lunch?". Sure, not like I wanted to sit down or anything after working in the house for the past 3 hours flat out, which will make more mess for me to clean up. "Oh but I didn't want to bug you while you were busy" - how about getting up & doing it yourself!
*pulls out hair*
I think a big chunk of women go through this but there is hope.

Answer 3

Hi Anna, You seriously need to get away from that mad house,specially if you are 8 months pregnant.You don't need all this stress in your life right now. I also torn by rotator cuff and had surgery alittle over a month ago. I don't have much strenght in my right arm and shoulder and i can't do very much lift at all. But i came clean the house and vaccum the house using my left hand. If your so called husband can do all the things he is doing, he can give you a helping hand around the house.You are carrying his child and you need the rest. I still say,you need 2 get away for a few days' just to rest and relief some of your stress. If you have a close friend see if you can stay with her for a few days'. You really do need this. A Friend

Answer 4

Firstly , l am sorry for the hardship you are all going thru. The only real thing l know for sure is that we cannot change others-we can only change ourselves. Even tho your life is sooo hectic you need to look after yourself...you are like a well that has run out of water and is spitting up dirt-you must seek help..see if there is some free counselling available to you, Tell your doctor..tell anyone...counsellors can really work- they can give you the tools you need to fix your own life...don't tough this thru you will not be able to do it. Hubby doesn't have the answers -that is why he has shut down and honestly l really believe you are both seriously depressed and overwhelmed by your current circumstances. I can understand your growing resentment of him -your load is heavier. If you seek outside help it is not a betrayal- it may save your marriage as well as your sanity- do it even if hubby doesn't want to -it will help you sooo much.

Answer 5

Wow! You have your hands full!
Where's his and your family, to give him a boot up the butt?!
You need to enlist support from others, if he is not doing his bit.
That could embarrass him into action or may do nothing to help.
What I did after the birth of my 3rd, was give my lazy sod of a husband an altermatum. Help out - or ship out! The end result was a nice empty large bed all to myself, except for the odd little bodies (my gorgeous kids) snuggling in for a reassuring cuddle.
But, what worked for me may not be the solution for you.
I know that to get the energy to even lift a foot to plant in their butt (the husbands) is a huge effort when you've got a big belly and other little ones to run around after.
To start with, if I were you, I'd get all the emotional (and physical, as in housework etc.) support you can muster. As you get stronger mentally and physically you can tackle the rest.
GOOD LUCK

Answer 6

Keep ignoring her. You're doing well, nobody must deal with you favor that. She is a "reasonable climate pal". A pal that most effective hangs out with you while she has nobody else to hangout with, on this case, the boyfriends she had. Stay clear of this lady, it's going to most effective reason you predicament and uncover a larger pal. Or possibly check out discovering a boyfriend your self and provide her a style of her possess remedy (which you would be doing by way of without problems ignoring her as it's.) Good success.

Answer 7

Maybe if his sex drive is affected to such a serious degree, he needs a different medication. Also, maybe try a different therapist. Maybe, for some reason, he doesn't click with this one. I'm not trying to give him excuses. I am just trying to think of a few more options before making any huge decisions. Sounds like maybe he's on meds that aren't working for him as well as they could be and those who love him are really suffering. If those things don't work, I think you may have to really assess your situation as this is not healthy for you. Good luck and I wish you the best!

Answer 8

I'm so sorry for your story, Anna. Both of you have very hard and difficult life. I hope God will help you. Be strong and don't be surrender. Take close to God and take any chance to earn more money.

I don't agree with some respondents who discriminate your husband. To get work is not as easy as they think, actually if someone get injured and become handy cap. Even though he can do something but is it true that someone will use and give enough money for that? Damned, life is more difficult than they think.

I think he become so depressed because he can't do something for his family. Unless he try to get chance with football activities and other things. I proud to you can support your husband and your family, keep do like that. You are strong and kind, Ann. Your husband is so lucky to has wife like you. It's difficult to find wife like you.

How if you try to find your/his parents help? It's not too silly to do that, because your problem is very hard to solve. I think every parents will do to help their children, unless to get some works to earn more money.

Be strong and take care. I hope God will bless you and your family.

Answer 9

I don't usually tell wives this, but sounds like you need a handyman to give him a little help. Because he is not doing you right. He has gotten relaxed from not working and enjoys laying around doing nothing but the things he want to do. This marriage is very unhealthy for you and your kids. He need to get up and do what he's suppose to do or get to steppin' because he is not caring about your feelings or your health. There are jobs for him to do that do not require heavy lifting. I know that we are suppose to keep our vows, but what is he doing? What happened to the for better or worse? You did your part, now, it's his turn.

Answer 10

My hubby had the same thing torn rotator cuff,The surgery is a very painful one,recovery is painful..Sorry to say you will not get any help from him after the surgery for a while, Not that he's helping you now either..WOW you have got your hands full!!! Be patient..Good luck sweetie