Ok, I was engaged to a man 15 years ago. He left me while pregnant with his child and married another woman. I still love him although we have no contact I still keep tabs on him. I just need to know he is doing ok, which he is. He is, however miserable in his relationship and has told many people he only married this woman because he couldn't have 'who he wanted' whom I assume is me. I dont WANT him back as I have moved on in that respect but why do I still dream of him and think about him? Why do I still care? How can I stop?!!
2006-11-03 18:29:45 · 14 answers · asked by luscious_tori 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I had the child but he passed away at 2 and 1/2. We were in a long distance relationship when the pregancy occured. We had lived together for a year prior to the seperation. (He is in the military) Once we separated, I believe it just got the best of both of us. I was 19 and retreated. I was pregnant and scared so I distanced myself from him. He took this as a sign of impending break up so he met a woman who 'consoled' him. It was a series of miscommunications and distance. He is still married to the woman who 'consoled' him but we talk every few years to say hello. I just keep tabs on him because I truly hope he is doing well. We live 3000 miles away from each other so there is no 'stalking' involved.
2006-11-03 18:46:05 · update #1
You can stop when you stop checking up on him. As long as you dig around to see if he is okay or listen to stories about him, you are feeding your fantasy/dreams/neurosis.
Stop all check/sightings/following. Then when you start to think of him, repeat the mantra "I distinctly remember forgetting about him." This will help reprogram your mind.
2006-11-03 18:35:05 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Hello,
Well was he your first "true" love? You two made a child together and that isn't just "raw"sex it is making love. I can remember my first love and i will always love her/care about her. I am married now and i still think about her. When you care and think about a old lover it means that you still and always will care. I know what your feeling because i sometimes dream about my first/real love and i dont want her back but i hope she has a great man and a nice home with beautiful children and that she is always ok. It means you have a heart and you are a true person. I would love to have more friends out there that are like yourself. Also sometimes you look back and think that something could of changed and you replay those times and try to see things happening a different way. I hope this helps and i wish you nothin but the best of luck.
2006-11-03 18:37:51 · answer #2 · answered by sirsayer21 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
We can't help who we have feelings for. It is normal you still deraming and thinking about him. You were engaged to him and had his child. What I don't understand is why when he was engaged to you did he marry another? If he loved you why didn't he marry you? There is no way to stop how you feel. You's two have a conection. Why don't you contact him to see how he is? You soung like a great person who has a lot of love to give. Give him a call as a friend. It can't hurt. Good Luck in what ever you decide to do.
2006-11-03 18:35:42 · answer #3 · answered by rach 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
as long as you're still "stalking" him, so to speak, how could you ever get over him? You don't want him back (nor should u after he left u high and dry)...then break away. as long as u dwell on him and what he's doing and if he's ok you're really not "moving on." And you're ASSUMING he means u when he tells people he couldn't have the one he wanted?! he didn't HAVE to marry HER u know...it was YOU who was pregnant. Get over him, forget about him, get a life so you can start focusing on something OTHER than him. He's NOT WORTH IT! and the fact that he's not happy where he is now...he put himself there...now the grass seems greener elsewhere? don't give him the chance.
2006-11-03 18:36:18 · answer #4 · answered by meme 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Everyone thinks about what might have been and in there mind it always plays out great. This man left you while you were pregnant with his child it just wasn't meant to be let it go. I know it easier said then done. Quit keeping tabs on him to start with.
2006-11-03 18:35:42 · answer #5 · answered by steffi 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Since a long time in the past, men and women have looked for the which means of affection. But even the pleasant philosophers, with their profound definitions, would now not absolutely contact its real essence. In a survey of four-eight 12 months olds, children proportion their perspectives on love.
2016-09-01 06:57:58 · answer #6 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to remember that he left you for a reason. Do you have low self esteem and confidence ?
Sadly you are obsessed. Be happy with the tyme you had and join a group for therapy. Your feelings will only change when you are ready and want to move on. Unfortunately he took you for granted and never told you why he left.
Read about one that has to do with heart break.
2006-11-03 19:55:18 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You never got to finish what you started with him, your sole still wants what it was yearning many years ago. Your going back to that day and time and wondering what you missed. It's kinda like a void that never got filled. Maybe you need to actually talk to this man again maybe this will help other wise you will probably always wonder. (I'm just guessing, not sure) sorry. Hope everything works out for you. sunnydays
2006-11-03 18:37:16 · answer #8 · answered by sunnydays 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
the 2 of you have a bond(your child) so of course your'e going 2 have some kind of feelings for him. Maybe your'e still not over him, or you just arent as happy as you think you are in the love department. Just talk to him and see what he has to say about your feelings.
2006-11-03 18:40:59 · answer #9 · answered by ? 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
you had a child with this man so there is a bond that can never be replaced ...if however he left u pregnant and has nothing to do with the child to this day , and had not worried bout u and ur child then i would say forget about him. but if it is the total opposite then i wouldnt expect u not to love him in one way or another
2006-11-03 18:33:50 · answer #10 · answered by jill_look_good_enuff_to_eat 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋