im in love with a murderer?

Question

For the last couple years I've been writing and talking with someone that is in prison for murder. He killed several people and has no chance of ever being let free. He calls me several times a week and I have phone sex with him. I understand on so many levels that this must be wrong but I am so caught up in him, and I really feel that I love him. I care about him so much and I feel completely stupid for feeling that way because I know that even though he says he feels the same way that it could not be true. I really feel depressed now and Im not sure how to deal with the situation. I dont know how to cut free from him or what to think of the situation? What would be my problem for even letting this happen? What type of person falls in love with someone that could do such horrible things? It really makes me beat myself up and I have been having a really hard time lately with it.
I know im stupid. But any suggestions or ideas as to why Ive let this happen would be great

well i really wish that i was just making it up or that it was fake. we have been talking for a couple years together, and ive even went to see him a couple times *which makes me feel even more patheic.* he tells me that he loves me as well, and doesnt ask for anything from me. I dont buy him anything OR pay for the calls. he was really young when he did his crime, and even his doctors feel that hes not that same person that he was then. Yes, Ive spoken with his doctors. kelly, kakkibluu and reboot and joygasm.. your responses really meant a lot to me.I've been feeling really disgusted with myself lately.. and depressed. I feel strongly for him but i hate thinking about what he did. does that make any sense?? I grew up in foster homes and group homes and never had parents, and i think that since he was so young when he did his crime i kind of feel like we are in the same boat.. that we never had anyone that loved us? how ****** up is that? I just dont want to feel this way.

Answer 1

I am a psych major that works in a juvenile correction facility and it never stops amazing me the amount of people that contact people that have commited violent crimes. The place I work is only males and they can stay here until the age of 25 before being sent to a prison.

Drummerboy, Although in state and federal prisons do limit contact by phone we allow the boys to use the phone depending on the credit that they have earned. Some of the boys can make 4 or 5 15 minute calls a week and they phone calls arent monitored (though they certainly should be.) But their mail is.Im sorry to say that we have numerous inmates that have several different girls writing them and thinking that they are the only one, when in fact they arent.

Anyway- to answer the question.. there is a reason that ted bundy got tons of women writing him wanting to marry him.. sometimes women get caught up in wanting to save someone.. wanting to change them. I think that you should try talking to someone as to why you would accept this. Life is too short to chase someone that is more than likely scamming you.

I would think that drummerboy would agree that if you were around inmates for any given amount of time, you would change your mind. They are manipulative and usually only want to walk over people to get what they want.

Please decide that your life is worth more than this, and take the steps to be in a real relationship with someone that can love you and get the help you need..

Answer 2

Wow! If this is true, and I see no reason for it not being, ... wow! That is one messy situation you've got yourself into, missy.

Okay, now to answer some of the questions. Do I think there is something wrong with you? Not necessarily. Thousands of people are lonely and get caught in on line relationships daily, it could be you just happened to fall into a crappy relation. If, you were attracted to him because of his status, then maybe there is something "wrong" which you might want to look into. My first guess would be a poor relation with your dad but that is something you will have to work to find out. The truth is, many women are fascinated be the bad guy image. Usually, they have deep emotional issues to work through.

Is it all false from his side? I would say it is different. You are his line to the world and a normal life, it is absolutely expected that he could fall in love with you. Besides that, you may be one of the few contacts this man has with a caring person. I would say there is a relation in which you have a huge upper hand and that is seductive for him (BTW, could this be the reason you were drawn in?).

Last but not least, a word of advice. I would be aware of the real possibility that he could arrange a hit on you if you try to bail out, so heads up.

Answer 3

What a rough call for an outsider to make...Not knowing you, and only knowing what you've said makes one want to lean on a judgemental side,....which is what many of your responses may do...I'll try not too. Here's the facts:1. You can't help the way you feel,but you can help the way you think.You know the details of who he murdered and why. Is it justifiable? 2. You will never have any kind of future with this man, and he can't hold you and love you the way you deserve to be...so you'll never REALLY be happy with him..your always still longing.. 3. People in prison are at their most desperate when they know they aren't getting out...he'll take what he can get...if it benefits them. If I was you, I'd realize I was " biding my time" and I'd keep it casual "phone sex"...and have some fun with it if you must, but what I'd like to suggest is that you take a deep breath and remove yourself from your situation mentally.....so now your one of us out here on the outside, and re-read your question...how would you answer? Follow that advice.:)

Answer 4

Be very careful. Murderers are also known to kill again, even if they're in prison.

Locally, a woman came over from England, married a murderer in a BC penitentary, the prison permits them to spend one night together after they wed. She never made it out of her honeymoon alive. This is a true story.

There are other known cases in the US where this has happened.

You are, however, reaching out by asking for help. That's a good sign that you know in your own heart that this isn't a good situation to be in.

Here's a book you might want to read, "Women Who Love Men Who Kill: The men are behind bars for murder. Who are the women who passionately seek them out, then marry them- and why?" It's by Sheila Isenberg.

Protect yourself first because no one else will. The book will help you understand yourself and why you seek love from a murderer.

Answer 5

I agree with drummerboy and bree. Get away from it and find someone that is nice. It is easy to think you have fallen for someone that seems like they are treating you nice, but he is only manipulating you. Before long, he may be asking you to send him money, or he may ask for your address and if you don't give it to him he may have friends that can get it because he knows your phone number. I would suggest that you get your phone number changed and don't write or talk to him again.

Answer 6

I spend about 20 hours a month working in a state prison for my college internship. And one thing I know is that Inmates incarcerated in a mximum security prison for multiple homicide DO NOT get telephone privilages several times a week. And the very few calls they DO get are monitored. Therefore, I'm pretty sure your story is fabricated. But one thing you said is true: you are stupid--not for the relationship, since it doesn't exist, but for thinking we would fall for it.
And, uh, you sound pretty lonely. You might think about getting some psychiatric help.

Answer 7

i'm a gay atheist. i do no longer think that Jesus replaced into the son of god. i think of, if he existed in any respect, he replaced into in all probability a funky peacenik/Gandhi style of guy. perchance he had an unlucky son of god complicated. perchance Mary cheated and purchased the biggest whopper ever to Joseph. perchance the son of god element replaced into something that superior after the crucifixion. Who knows? in spite of the undeniable fact that the christian mythology got here approximately to evolve, i've got self belief in humanity. Laying all our accomplishments on the door of a few invisible superhero particularly cheapens them. the know of guy is that nonetheless incorrect and bickering, we've controlled to drag ourselves out of the wild and create something appealing and fleeting.

Answer 8

If this is true and not a hoax, then stop it. Phone sex BTW, is not love. You are on the outside and he is incarcerated and you "don't know how to cut free"?
Yikes!

Answer 9

We never know where love is going to come from.

Talk to him about your feelings, maybe he wont be crazy about it, maybe he'll feel that your just friends and nothing else will happen between you two.

If not, continue with what you are doing and have fun. :) lol

Answer 10

Check out http://www.write-a-murderer.com