I am really lost, please help me?

Question

I am going to tell you all about my life, please give me advice and try not to be too hard on me.
Me and my present husband used to be really good friends for a long time, he knew everything about my old relations and I knew everything about his. About 3 years from our friendship I started to realize that he was in love with me, that was the time when I broke up with my bf that I have been dating (and fighting) for 2 years, I was feeling really bad by that time and my friend was by my side that time. I felt support from him and thought it was love, we started going out and married in about a year. It has been already 7 years from than and just a few monthes ago I felt like I woke up from a long sleep, married, with two children, feeling that this is not my life I'm living. I saw that we were more friends than a couple. That is when the "other" person showed up and now I'm in a really stupid situation - this "other" is 23 (I'm 27), married for 4 years and he is in love with me..

I do love my husband, but I think this is more friendship. I do love this "other" person, but I know that everything is too wrong to be beautiful so I every time we meet (we haven't been close, because I can't do thing like that to my husband, I respect him too much to cheat) I tell him that this should end today, we talk on the phone a lot and meet sometime for a cup of coffee, I'm trying to avoid seeing him but he works in same company as me. He askes me to divorce husband and live with him, he's divorcing too. He doesn't understand me when I tell him that everything is too wrong and I don't want to hurt my husband because I know he loves me and I don't want children to get hurt.
Please help me! tell me what to do - I want to end everything and continue my family life, how can I get over my feelings, how can I break up with this "other" without hurting him too?

I'm worried about this "other" too because I know that he really loves me. has anybody been in same situation? what is this? What do I do now, today, because this everything is really hard for me, I can't sleep, can't eat. When I'm home with my husband, I hate this "other" and myself too, when I'm with the "other" I don't want to go back home.
My husband is not ideal person too, I had some problems with him, that is when I started to wake up. He smokes weed 6 monthes a year, he treats me more like his friend than women, I am the one who has to solve every problem in family, I am the one who has to be strong all the time and tell him that "everything will be o.k don't worry about it" - can you understand that feeling when you can't feel like women any more, just wife and mother?

I tried to talk with my husband about our relations and what we have to change to keep the family, but he won't listen, every time I try to start serious conversation he's running away, telling me that I'm crazy, and he wants to watch TV and has no time for silly talk.

Answer 1

If you are "friends", you have a good thing going. If you feel like you just woke up, you're not alone in that. It might be some of the "grass is greener" thing going on.
HOWEVER, you have 2 kids? At this point, not everything is about YOU. Now it's about your kids, or if it isn't, it needs to be.
Someone else's husband in love with you? Isn't there something wrong with that statement?!
You have two options in front of you - pain and pain. But one pain is going to lead to TONS of pain for two, precious kids. The other pain can be walked THROUGH and, I'll betcha, you might find some green grass on YOUR side of the fence if you look hard enough.
Big blessings on ya, girl. You already KNOW what you need to do, don't you?

Give this "other" fella a clear and decisive "N.F.W."! Considering the principles he's walking out, "hurting" him doesn't need to be of great concern to you. Slam and lock that door NOW, girl. Don't look at him, speak to him (except for that one FINAL NO!), and don't listen to him. Invest your time and attention in your family. If this other won't accept your "NO", it becomes sexual harrasment and it'll be time to deal with it on THOSE terms.

Answer 2

Well you do have a predicament but it is fixable.Sounds to me like this other person just wants to have a cushion to fall onto after he divorces. One shouldn't get out of the skillet and back into the frying pan. If you and your man have a good relationship be thankful. Yes you might feel like friends and that is a plus in itself. Sometimes you just have to stop and look at what you have and realize it just doesn't get better. Having two children can put a strain on a relationship, mommy-daddy time is put on the back burner. Honey as long as your husband is a good provider, doesn't abuse you or the children, and you can tolerate his little quirks and he yours, you have it made. Like the answers before mine, the seven year itch and date your husband, you can make this work. Get a babysitter, you and hubby go out and have a night on the town, get a hotel, enjoy each others company without worrying if the kids will interrupt. Have a drink or two without worry about drinking and driving, get a new and sexy outfit and just be yourself. You've put in too much time and effort to pull the plug now. This other person is trying to compensate for his misery by wanting company. He'll be okay and will either patch things up or find someone else to comfort him. Just tell him up front you have a family already and things aren't always as they seem. The grass is always greener till you get there

Answer 3

Well, first of all, forget about the other guy's feelings. You have enough on your own plate, and he's a big boy who can take care of himself.

As for your family situation, I am sorry that you feel bored and passionless with your husband. Since you haven't technically had an affair, I would keep it to yourself. I would try to keep your family together, not only because of your children, but also for you and your husband. You have a long history together, and I think that is a wonderful foundation for building a better life on.

Please don't get caught up in thinking that you can find true love and happiness with someone else. Marriages can get dull and stale just like friendships can, and there is a lot more to marriage than passion and excitement, although I think you both could use some!

I think honesty is the best policy here in the sense that you may want to talk to your husband and tell him that you are going through a hard time in your personal life, and see what he has to say. Maybe he can be supportive. Maybe he will look at you're like you're nuts. In any event, you need to find some solutions and some guidance, so I think you would benefit from individual counseling for a few weeks to help you get some things sorted out, and then maybe your husband can join counseling later.

I have had personal problems that affected my happiness and my happiness in my marriage, and I went to counseling myself for over a year. It was very, very helpful for me and my marriage. My husband never went with me, but it was nice for me to have a place to go to talk about the dark things in my mind and heart without being judged and having someone impartial walk me through that time in my life.

Don't let yourself get too melancholy, and don't make any major mistakes or decisions until you've had time to learn more about what is going on with you. By mistakes I mean stay away from other men. You owe that to your husband, and I know you know that, but don't forget it. He has been with you for many years, and he is the father of your children. You have a responsibility to them, so cut that stuff out.

I wish you the very best, and I am confident that you can get through this time in your life with your family intact, and with a happier and more fulfilling marriage.

Answer 4

If you and your husband have a solid friendship you are lucky. Don't throw it away for an uncertain future with your old bf. You say you guys fought for 2 years- those issues have not gone away. If you go back with him you will hurt your husband and children, not to mention yourself.

That feeling you describe of waking up with the sensation that you are living someone else's life is not uncommon. It is no reason to throw away what you and your husband have worked to build.

Take a romantic trip with your husband- without the kids, if possible. Try to rekindle your romance. Soak in a jacuzzi together- massage each other- whatever it takes.
Then when you get back give your old beau a firm "No." And mean it.

Answer 5

This is the classic "seven year itch". By your own admission your husband is your friend, that is a good thing. Resist this temptation with the "other" and concentrate on making your existing relationship stronger. Don't ruin everything you have for the possibility of happiness somewhere else. Your husband and children are far more important than some a$$hole that's not happy with his own wife. Do you think he will be any better to you?

Answer 6

Sounds like the seven year itch.The other may be in love with you, but maybe not. You are still married and it would be nice if you put the latest temptation aside and lived your commitment you made seven years ago for both of you. After seven years of any relationship you get past the discovery stage and and into friendship stage. If you and your spouse are like friends, why would you want to take a chance on someone else?

Answer 7

Only you can make it stop. you cannot wish it away and say that it is so wrong nad don nothing about it. If you want to know the truth, you are already cheating on your husband.

That is how it all starts, a stolen embrace and one last kiss.
What makes you lunatics think that if you divorce yours you wil be happy? Its just a mess you are getting involved in and you will regret for the rest of your lives.

Quit saying that its is wrong and stop playing second violin! Better the devil you know...

Answer 8

Dump the other and appreciate what you have- rekindle the relationship w your hubby- it takes work- seems like the new wears off and you get into a routine- marriage takes work- date your husband = spice things up- you are playing w fire- and your children will get burned if you don't put it out- and who knows what disease the other has- do you expect a cheater to be honest w you??? D

Answer 9

We all pass by way of emotions of melancholy in our lives. It's side of being human. It's no longer first-rate, however it is side of who and what we're. We cannot preclude it and once we battle it and win, we pop out as higher humans on account that of it. We study difficult classes in lifestyles on account that of it. By our very nature, humans are hooked on what we believe is fulfilling however will make us finally unsatisfied. Such is the path of human lifestyles, till we study from our errors. And it takes a lifestyles time of errors to finally study (if a few of us ever do). In the tip we will best take a look at. Something is making you suppose this manner and also you must speak to an individual who's non-judgemental to discover what's going on on your lifestyles. You have plenty to supply this international, you simply do not recognize it but. If no one will supply you a danger, why no longer supply your self a danger?

Answer 10

YOU NEED TO WORRY ABOUT YOUR FAMILY NOT ABOUT HURTING HIM . HE WILL GET OVER IT BUT YOUR HUSBAND WILL BE DEVASTATED.HAVE YOU EVER HEARD OF THE SEVEN YEAR ITCH .SOUNDS LIKE WHAT YOU ARE GOING THROUGH. DON'T BRAKE YOUR HUSBANDS HEART HE LOVES YOU AND HE IS YOUR BEST FRIEND DO YOU KNOW HOW RARE THAT IS.IF YOU DON'T WANT HIM I'M SURE HE WON'T HAVE TROUBLE GETTING SOMEONE WHO WILL REALLY LOVE HIM.