She is the sweetest girl, smart and very caring. She came to the US two years ago, it was an arranged marriage, She used to work in a decent job in India. Her husband has a good job here, money is not an issue. But she wants to work, and he won't let her. He is dominating and keeps telling her how her life has improved because of him. She does not want to divorce him. Any other options???
2006-11-03 16:40:21 · 22 answers · asked by Jaleßi 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
My feeling is that he is a little insecure.
I am looking for ways she can probably confront him on this, without the situation being escalated. Dont tell me he is a bad person, I know that already, i am looking for ways to fix this..
2006-11-03 16:47:07 · update #1
Coming from indian background I can really understand. Oldest person in the family are some times over protecting. If she really really wants to go out do something. Good start would be, to get out of the house initially in the name of non-job activity. Example - Go out and get registered with college or community college for courses.
I have seen it work. Slowly they get used to it.
2006-11-03 17:00:16 · answer #1 · answered by CheezeL00ver 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He will never change his mind about this. He is a bad man and not a good husband. He thinks that he owns you. Do you have your own car? If you do then I suggest that you use your backbone and stand up against him and go out. Having a control freak and a jealous husband is a bad thing.. You deserve a break. Just get dressed and tell him that he needs to watch the kids and you will be home by 11:00 and for him to deal with it. If he doesn't like it then I don't know what to tell you to do You can talk til you're blue in the face and he won't listen to reason. He is no good. I don't see the two of you making it together another year. Sorry, but that is how I feel about a man who acts like a boy.
2016-05-21 22:22:41 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Money may not be a main reason. The real reason behind this is the husband does not want his India wife to get in touch with outside world, doesn't want her to get influence of western independent women. He wants her to maintains the quality of traditional India woman, listen and obey the husband. It is hard for her to go to work if he is so controlling as it is. And even with she promises this and that, he will have hard time to believe her anyway. Your friend needs to work this out with her husband or she may need to leave him or can just live her life the same way right now. Good Luck!!
2006-11-03 16:59:16 · answer #3 · answered by Mochi 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I believed he won't let her out to work b/c he's insecure like you said and he is worried that she may leave him. Since this is an arrange marriage he's still not sure if your friend is still in love w/ him yet. This is between your friends and her husband. If she's determine to work than she needs to speak to him. she needs to express her feelings and if he cared for her he would respect her for it. Nothing you said can help fix this probs. I have friends who is in the same situation. Married an American from China. Husband lock them up after migrating to U.S. b/c husband fear that once they get green card they may walk out of the marriage. If the husband doesn't trust her than he should at least give her a chance to prove it to him. What he is doing is unhealthy. If this continue I know divorce will come soon.
2006-11-03 17:53:34 · answer #4 · answered by uniqaznmeg 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Will he let her do volunteer work? If money isnt the issue, if she just wants to do useful work outside the home, this may be an option. He should not feel threatened by that, but proud that she is doing some good, and at the same time she can feel she is contributing.
2006-11-03 16:43:40 · answer #5 · answered by fancyname 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
She needs to voice her feelings to him. It makes you wonder though, about arranged marriages. Maybe he needed an arranged marriage, because women in this country are independent and are taught to think for themselves, not to let a man dominate them, not to say that your friend is not any of these things, so please don't take offense to that.
I am very sorry for your friend. It sounds like maybe if her husband does not let her work and money is not an issue, he could let her volunteer or something along those lines.
2006-11-03 16:46:13 · answer #6 · answered by cyncase007 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Nope, because if she wants to stay married to him and he is against her working, then she might as well forget it. Especially if the marriage was arranged. Aren't thier views on marriages (wife obeying the husband, etc.) different from ours? I don't think you should try to persuade or convince her of anything because if he is dominating...then maybe thats not all that he is (if you get the picture).
2006-11-03 16:49:20 · answer #7 · answered by shellese2 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Actually you need to stay out of this. Never get in marriage debate between husbands and wives. True he is controlling, but you are the friend, an outsider, stay out of that.
Be careful, he may make her stop associating with you, because he may feel you are influencing her to want to work.
2006-11-03 17:08:54 · answer #8 · answered by mouse in chicago 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
your friend is going to have to grow a spine and realise that this is not india anymore. she needs to learn to stand on her own two feet and realize that she doesn't need her man's permission to get a job in the united states. she just needs to make sure that she is able to go out there and get a job. yes it does sound like a control issue and a very insecure position on the husbands part because he likes to be in control. he likes the fact that she asks him for permission for everything. and your friend is going to have to prepare for a fight if she wants her independence.
2006-11-03 23:17:53 · answer #9 · answered by cfalways 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Get a job anyway. If he wants to divorce her for doing it, then so be it. She's better off without such a domineering husband.
2006-11-04 03:05:26 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋