What can I say to make her feel at ease again?

Question

My wife and I have been married for a little over a year now, and recently we've been talking about children. It's already somewhat challenging to be in an interracial marriage(she's black, i'm white), but now her family has been filling her head with negative ideas about biracial children. They even suggested adoption, but i love her and want to have OUR baby. Why can't they just be happy for us?

Answer 1

Tell her that a bi-racial child is nothing to be ashamed of. If the 2 of you love eachother, it shouldn't matter what her family thinks.

Answer 2

It really infuriates me to no end that there are still so many uneducated or racist people who wish to perpetuate the idea that there is something wrong with people from two different races getting together and experiencing the miracle and joy of creating and bringing another little human being into the world. There is nothing negative about biracial children. The only negativity involved stems not from the children but from the ignorance of the adults who chose to support such an archaic, closed-minded view. I think biracial children are some of the most beautiful children I have ever seen (not that it's at all about appearance) and to me, they are a symbol of hope for the world. Just tell your wife how much you love her and want the two of you to share this very special experience. Adoption is great but for the right reasons for everyone involved. I don't think that's the case here. There is no reason you and your wife would need to adopt. If you are capable of having your own children, and want them, there is absolutely no reason you shouldn't. Children are both a miracle, and a blessing that you and your wife can share in and experience together. Good Luck. I hope your wife can see past her family's limited view. Like some others said, I'm sure that in time, they'll come around. If not, so be it...who needs their negativity!

Answer 3

if she married u she loves YOU over the world. nobody takes marriage lightly. it means a great deal. just talk to her gently and comfort her. don't pressure her too much. whatever u do don't try and keep her away from her family so they can't give her ideas. they will only use that against u. if u go at a marriage thinking and classifying it as an 'interracial marriage' u are already going to have problems that i can just see rearing their ugly heads. she is ur wife and u r her husband. thats it. no more. no classifying the marriage to anything but love. because if thats not all there is then there is a problem. but about kids. she has to feel comfortable with having a baby. just explain to her gently that u want to have YOUR child. as much as adoption is a wonderful and giving thing. she has to know that having a child from two different races is no different than if they were the same. there is no negative thing about a child because of their race. it's ridiculous to claim otherwise. i don't think she will pull towards adoption and never having a child herself. most women want to have a child themselves even if they adopt another as well. u will just have to comfort her and coax her into having some selfconfidence that their is nothing wrong. and quite simply i think u should express confusion, not frustration because then she will feel u are rejecting her family, but confusion as to why they can't be happy that uy two are in love. she will understand how u feel.

Answer 4

So what would happen if she accidentally got pregnant today? Would they love the child less than a white child? You cannot let your inlaws run the decisions in your family.

I'm sure the inlaws knew biracial children are concieved from interracial marriages. They waited a little too late to complain about this matter.

Answer 5

Interracial marrages are becoming more and more common. I personally have known several interracial families. It is possible that an interracial child will look like one race or the other, not biracial. But still, the importaint thing is not what the child looks like. The importaint thing is that it would be you and your wife's biological child. Nothing can replace those experiences. If she gives up on that she gives up on actually having a child that looks like her husband and herself -- a little part of your love.

So maybe those are some reasons you can tell her.

Answer 6

What kind of people does she have for family, oh my God. well you could start by telling her you love her with all you heart, that "you always wanted that she was the mother of your childrens, not another woman", if you would ever wanted another woman for your wife you should have picked somebody else. Her family is not going to rise your childrens, it's going to be you and her, the love of both of you is what you childrens are going to receive and feel, and for her, she will never going to feel the same for the a baby she had carried inside herself that for someone she picked on an orphan house or hospital or church. You love her and you are going to love your own childrens more than anything in this world and this is what really matter here, not the prejudices of her family.

Answer 7

So which is the question that needs to be answered? For the second one, it's not about their happiness, it's you and your wife's. What to do to make her feel at ease? I don't know. But i think if you raise your kid in a way that can't fall in a stereotype (black way/white way), if you raise him with the point of view that humans are humans regardless of color, you can prove them wrong about their negative ideas. What matters is you're married and someone's gotta carry on your genes - if there's a point to it ... like say you're going to conquer the world and you need an heir... mwahahaha... seriously though.

Answer 8

I would not worry about what other ppl say or feel about the children issue... a child is a gift from God.. a miracle to celebrate..... if you and your wife feel that children are important and you both are ready to take on the responsibility for and of a child, and feel that you both will love and care for this child with everything that you are as a mother and a father and as a loving couple, then I say, GO FOR IT !!! God may have something special in mind !!!!!!!!!! God bless

Answer 9

Sounds like they have a problem not you- hopefully they will drop it- and she won't listen- the child would probably be on the dark side and gorgeous- I know several biracial kids- indian and black- hispanic and black, black and white- I bet the inlaws would love the grandchild that comes along and forger all about it- if not they need to have their heads examined and don't deserve grandkids- D

Answer 10

Is she ready to have a baby? When she is ready to have a child, what her family says will not be important. Right now she seems to be looking for a reason not to have one and her family is giving her a reason. Its not that she doesnt love you, You are still relatively newly weds and having a child is a life time committment. Ask if its that she doesnt want to have a child with YOU or if she just doesnt want a baby right NOW. I will bet its the second answer, which means all you have to do is be patient.

Answer 11

Tell her she needs to follow her heart and not what her family says. If you two are a strong couple and have the willpower to stand up and help those children make it though then I say go for it. You are married and definitly deserve to have your own children if that is what you want. Tell her that it would be a travisty not to allow your love to be expressed to at least one child that you and her produce. Tell her to pray about it and leave it in God's hands if she is religious. Good Luck