I can't get over his disrespect. What do I do- stay or go?

Question

My husband has alot of issues with disrespect. It came to a head when he went to a strip club on a TDY when he told me he wouldnt go. He had the opporotunity to go the first time the guys went and didnt.. but gave into pressure and went the 2nd time.. while he was gone on this TDY, our relationship was on the rocks, and that made it worse when I found out. I can't get over him disrespecting me by going when he knows how I feel about strip clubs and when I asked him not to go, because I knew it would just contribute to our problems. He also has a problem talking to ex girlfreinds online and leaving out that he is married and has a son. He says that he does it to get a reaction out of them.. I also found out that 13 days after we got married he had been talking to a girl where he is from and told her "I'll be thinkin bout you." I need a guys perspective on this, not just girls.... I have lost trust and he has no respect for me and my feelings or our family.. HELP ME.. what do I do?

I dont understand this.... If he can say no the first time, why not the 2nd time. His freinds who were with him on this TDY knew the problems and didnt stop him. He says that he wont go again, but how do I know that.. there will always be more TDY's and I will always question what he does.... he hasnt physically cheated but what says he wont? I want to retaliate and put him in my shoes but I dont think that would help. I am tired of the disrespect and lies... I want to be with him, but I just cant get past all this.

Oh by the way- he tries to justify his actions by knowing that other men go out while married- I think its just a matter of how much you can respect the one you are with.. not what everyone else does. If they jump are you going to jump... whats more important.. being cool with your freinds or your marriage....

By the way- we have a 9 month old son... that just makes it worse.. I'd like as many answers as possible!!!!!!

And I have never given him a reason not to trust me - I have been 110% committed to this relationship and THIS is what I get?!?!?!?

Answer 1

I know where you are and I'd ask him to go to counseling if he says no then you know where you stand and you should know this is how the biggest part of you married life will be. Do you want your son growing up thinking it's okay to deceive women, lie to and disrespect his wife? Being military you won't have to pay for the counseling so don't let him use that as an excuse. Nor the fact that he can't because of his job duty. His Sgt. will let him off and if he doesn't you can always go see the Chaplin explain things to him and he'll insure that you both go to counseling.

Answer 2

I agree. This rubbish that replaced into shoved down my throat because of the fact i replaced right into somewhat female of being a “cutting-side� profession female is ridiculous. I went to college for years, earned 2 levels, artwork complicated…..yet as quickly as I relatively have youngsters i'm out of there and plan on being a stay at residing house mom. i've got faith being a mom is an important substantial place in relatives and society; in all probability the main crucial place a woman could have. I relatively have seen maximum of ladies choose a woman who makes the choice to be a SAHM. Plus, being a SAHM is artwork. conserving the residing house and relatives isn't an common interest. Too many feminists anticipate that ladies must be out interior the worldwide working 40 hours a week and that's the only determination; what a pair of female’s option to be a mom and spouse? Isn’t that a call to boot?

Answer 3

I hate to be the one that says this. To me its obvious there's something going on in the background and even if there isn't hes thinking wanting something else. As far as the Strip Club thing in this situation your totally correct. If it was different and say u actually trusted him then I would say u have to give him leeway. His excuse is hes going because the guys are but that's only part of the truth, He is going in hopes of something else. I know its not easy and I know if u love him and it sounds like u are way deep in love with this guy. You have to Sit down and talk to him. Tell him straight out don't lie to me Tell me No bull **** and ask your questions. Like do u still want to be with me do u still love me. If he answers yes to both Then u need to tell him that u do not like how you have been treated and that if he truly loves u and wants to be with u he will not do it. Tell him exactly what u don't like. Don't start with the strip club Start with How he talks to others how u and your son doesn't exist. Then bring up the strip club and tell him that only adds to the fire. Without trust there is no relationship No matter how much u love him

Answer 4

I have that problem. I ended up building a wall around my emotions. I thought I was done with him, and filed for divorce. But about a month later, when he was visiting the kids, I got this deep feeling of regret like I should not have divorced him. I had to be honest with myself and face that fact that in spite of everythig, I still loved him. My anger and my walls that I had built up for so long could not last. I wish they would've. I tried to reconcile with him since but he just seems so cold. I feel that a lot of times he does keep many secrests from me, and has lied as well. I feel stuck now, because I am pregnant with our third child. Pregnant, unattractive, and unwed. I pray alot that God will help me move on, but so far, I can't seem to. I just wanted to let you know that I can definitely understand how hurt you must feel. I am very sad.

Answer 5

I had a boyfriend like this guy, notice I said "had" a boyfriend this, he is gone now. I left him. Your man is not ready to be a family man by no means. He still needs to grow up. I would take that baby and get the heck out of Dodge, let him have his fun. What he is doing wrong and he don't care. I was told when this was happening to me it was because I was "letting" him do this to me. I got upset about this comment cause I was always gripping at him for acting like that. I finally figured out what they meant when they said that and I left him.

Answer 6

Get marriage counseling to try to straighten things out- he needs to cut the internet crap -- that is so wrong- he sound like he does what he wants- pressure or not- he needs to ends ties with all past relationships - period- and many husbands do not go to any club- that comment was so juvenile- D

Answer 7

I would be more concerned about the internet crap than the strip club. What does he mean he wants a reaction out of those online women? Why? Is he leading them on just to feed his own ego? sounds like a loser to me.

Answer 8

He does it because he can he knows you aren't going any where .And he has cheated on you,deep down you no he has.10 years ago my husband did exactly what your husband is doing right now.I would tell him not to go and he would go leaving me home with my son upset and crying.his friends became more important then his family.Come to find out one of those so called friends just happened to be female.For over two years he would go out or just not come home from work until two in the morning. does your husband wear his wedding ring if not I would worry about that .My husband told me it got to small for him and he didn't like to wear rings any way.HE WEARS IT NOW!

Answer 9

Something Specially
For You

I said a prayer for you today
And know God must have heard-
I felt the answer in my heart
Although He spoke no word!
I didn't ask for wealth or fame
(I knew you wouldn't mind)-
I asked Him to send you treasures
Of a far more lasting kind!
I asked that He'd be near you
At the start of each new day
To grant you health and blessings
And my friendship to share your way
I asked for happiness for you
In all things great and small-
But it was for His loving care
I prayed the most of all.

By: Kenny P. aka-Cobra

Answer 10

It sounds like he's still immature and not ready to be a husband and father. If he'll go to counseling, definitely go. There's hope if he recognizes there's a problem and wants to fix things.

If not, the warning signs are there - don't waste your life on someone who's not committed.