Bisexuality...confused?

Question

Here's a tricky one...I have always considered myself to be a straight, heterosexual female. However, I've "experimented" with girls before and it never really was that big of a deal to me- it was only kissing, messing around. I have never been in a "relationship" with another girl. However, lately I keep having these amazing dreams of random girls and the dreams get pretty erotic. I've found myself fantasizing about being with girls too- even considered the idea of a relationship with a girl (no one in particular). I don't know if this makes me bisexual- or if this is normal?? I've never had good relationships with men and I've stayed single for a long time. I've talked to some close friends about this (both male and female) and they keep asking me if I'm bi- but I don't know how to answer. Does ANYONE have any experience or has anyone felt like this before?? I'm really confused and don't know if I should attempt to pursue a relationship with a female...any advice?

Answer 1

The best thing is to go with the flow. But one caveat--that does not mean ignoring the feelings you are having about other women. I think, if you feel inclined, you should pursue it just a little--like maybe stop by a gay/lesbian bar. One thing about bi or lesbian relationships there is not all the sexual pressure that in the hetro thing. It is much more about emotions (though sex is very good). Girls will be able to relate to you on the level you are at. Just be honest about your feelings and see where it goes as far as connecting.

From what you say it may be more that you are lesbian rather than bi. Although, it is possible you are not at all and have just had bad luck with guys.

Open your self up to the possibility--beyond fantasy dreaming.

Answer 2

Personally you should do what makes you happy. In my opinion I think you are confused and that you were just experimenting and that made you more confused. As or the dreams again I just think you are curious to what it will be like and the fact that you have had bad relationships with men and the fact you don't want to be alone and you are afraid to get into another relationship with a man. You might think that it would be easier to be in a relationship with another women, because women know what other women want and need. Don't be afraid to be alone or be in a relationship with another man chances are you will eventually find a decent man, they are not all creeps. But, if you do choose to go the other way, just remember, yes women probably can please a women better or treat them better. Because, us women know what women think, feel, wants or needs, only women know about other women. But, remember this, women can be just as jerky as men. But, only you know what you want, need and what you are looking for. But, in the end, do what makes you feel happy and what is right for you. But, to answer your question, no I don't think you are bisexual, just because you had a dream or whatever, we all have had dreams like that one time or another and I don't consider myself Bi, I am married with children. As for experimenting, I think it was harmless, people do get curious and experiment once. Unless, you were doing it al the time, experimenting and enjoying it and you get in a relationship with someone of the same sex. People put to much emphasis on dreams anyway. Good Luck!!!!

Answer 3

Here's the thing, be true to yourself. This can be hard to do in a case like yours. I have to say that I knew a girl who felt the same way she wasn't sure and she had all these dreams. Her decision in the end was to just stay open. If she felt a connection with someone she pursued it no matter their gender she is happily married now to a wonderful guy. SHE has told me though that if she had told herself that she had to be straight and that was it that even know with her two kids she would have wondered. She ultimately had a few small relationships with woman but it wasn't because they were woman it was because they were themselves. So my advice is stay true to yourself and stay open. Why label yourself. If you find a connection with someone then don't let it go just because someone else say you have to define yourself. I hope the best for you. Good luck.

Answer 4

Only time will tell who you are. Your confusion and anxiety probably stems from society's insistence of "choosing one or the other". The truth is that sexuality is too complex to fit into 2-3 containers.

What you need to do is investigate the issues which are affecting your ability to have good relationships with men. Are you frightened of them? do you feel attracted to them? did you have a bad experience? Whilst doing this, you could investigate your bicurious feelings and may benefit from talking to an LGBT group. In the end, you may prefer one to the other but your feelings for both genders will determine whether you are bisexual or monosexual (heterosexual/homosexual).

Answer 5

I think you should stop worrying about labels and do what you think you want and need. Life is for living. By the way, Freud said, "The question is not why some people are bisexual, but why aren't all of us?" Right. That's a better question. We want it, but societal values, mores, other people's opinions, etc., get in the way. Be your own person!

Answer 6

Amy, do you feel you have anything to lose by pursuing this path? And how strong are these feelings? The answers to these questions might give you the answer you seek. I have no experience in this so I can't really give you any factual answers except to tell you to examine your feelings about this and do what you feel will make you happy. Wishing you luck.

Answer 7

If your don't attempt it and stay the way you are, will it always be in the back of your mind? If you do try it wil I change the way you are for better or worse? Answer the questions running through your mind right now honestly and you'll know what to do.

Answer 8

From what I understand; It's a matter of personal taste. Anything that can become sexual can also become an addiction.Would you get involved with your exact clone or double? Some might think so. In a seemingly perfect world without fear disease and inhibitions you wouldn't even ask would you?

Answer 9

Is it the sex or the relationship that intrigues you? If its the relationship then you owe to yourself to out yourself into a position to meet someone to explore that possibility. Now, if it's the sex that keeps ya thinkin' then go get you some sexy girly lovin' and call it a day.

Answer 10

I know what you mean. Been there before. Ultimatley it just comes down to what you're looking for and what specifically you are attracted to either in males or females. Just take it slow, and you'll figure out what's right for you.