Is this rape?

Question

okay this is long but, PLEASE bear with me- I was at this party. I was the DD (desnoatied driver) this guy took me into a room, he had been firlting with me all night so i was kind of happy about it. He started kissing me, I knew where it was going and I didnt want to have sex, but I let it happen...kind of... LESS than 30 seconds into it I started saying " I cant do this" everytime i would say that he would say are you scared, but not stopping. Finally i started pushing him, saying im not going to do this, but he held me down and said YES you are. Is that rape, if so did i let it happen. I feel ashamed but its my fault right... I kissed him, I took off my cloths.. I let it happen.

Answer 1

First of all, I am so so sorry that this happened to you. Second of all, Yes, it is rape. Anytime you say no and he doesn't stop, it's rape. IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT! Even if you kissed him, even if you took your clothes off. You had every right to say no to him. Even if at first you thought you wanted to you can change your mind and he needed to respect that but he didn't and that was against the law. He assulted you and it was his fault not yours. Sweetie, you need to tell someone that you trust about what happened. You can't hold this inside of you, it will tear you up inside if you try to. Please, please don't feel guilty or ashamed. There is an organation in my area called S.O.S. , it stands for Sex Offence Services. Look in your local phone book to see if there is one in your area. If thats not there look under "Social Services" in the yellow pages and you should be able to find someone to call. Just please talk to someone you know that can help you or call one these places. Just make sure you tell everything that happened and remember it is not your fault. I will pray for you and I hope that you get the help that you need. God Bless you Sweetie.

Answer 2

Speaking from experience I would say, yes, you were sexually assaulted and I'm very truly sorry. It's is a horrible experience that I would not wish on anyone.

During any physical encounter with another person you are allowed to say "NO" at whatever point you deem necessary and the other party is required to respect your wishes and stop immediately. Any decent man who is worth your time would have respected your wishes and treated you with dignity. Instead this guy played with your emotions and used physical and mental manipulation to get what he wanted. Yes you wanted to fool around, kiss & make out and that's within your right. Consenting to fooling around does not mean you've consented to have sex! You were pressured into something you did not want to do. Unfortunately, proving this legally could be difficult and emotionally taxing depending on many variables. (how old you are, where you live, etc.) How you decide to proceed in that arena is up to you.

But PLEASE seek professional help by calling the Rape Crisis Center or your local Planned Parenthood center. Also, see a doctor immediately. I know this sucks but you need to be tested. Doctors can also sometimes prove rape with a physical examination if you get in there soon enough. Next, find a good therapist. You'll need help working through all of the feelings of anger, guilt and depression that are likely to follow this experience.

Trust me you are not alone. One in 4 women is sexually molested, assaulted or abused in their lifetime. It's so common it's disturbing. But just because it's common doesn't make it ok and it doesn't make your situation any less relevant than any other person's experience. Remember that this could effect you and every future relationship with every other guy for the rest of your life unless you deal with it now. Take back the power you have over your body and your life. Get the help you need. You deserve it.

Answer 3

It does not matter if you stripped naked or kissed or even that you said no. What matters is how you said no. I am a man so i should know that men are animals and if you said it with softly and slightly pleasurable then the male would think that it is just apart of the experience and keep on trucking. Even the pushing could be considered you still playing hard to get. But if you said no with authority and agressively and make a attempt to break away then the male would take you more serious and hopefully stop. However once you authoritively said no then it is technically rape.

Answer 4

It is RAPE. You said no. No means no. You have nothing to be ashamed of. Either of you had the right to change your mind at any time and the other should have respected that request.
Call your local Rape Crisis Center. I don't know the laws where ever you are but they vary by state. At least get some counseling. Do not try to go through this alone.

Answer 5

It's not uncommon for a victim of rape to feel ashamed, or that they asked for it in some way. But guys need to learn that NO means NO! When you resisted, & he held you down, HE CROSSED THE LINE. It doesn't matter if you gave up resisting after that. If he persisted & forced himself on you, then YOU WERE RAPED. It's NOT YOUR FAULT.
It will not be easy, but it might be in your best interest to report the incident. Some of the circumstances you described might make a successful prosecution difficult, but at least if there is a Police report on this guy as a suspect in a sex crime, then it will make it easier for the Police to bring charges against him if he tries this again, & I bet he will. Besides, if he gets a stern talking to by a Police officer then he may come to understand that he went too far with you, & he might take some kind of councelling for his lack of self control.
As for you, there could be some emotional repercussions from this. Once again, by reporting the rape you will probably be offered some kind of councelling for yourself. If it's offered, TAKE IT! If it's not offered, ASK FOR IT!
You need to take the time to care for yourself through this. You didn't deserve to be raped, & nobody ever asks for it!
Take Care!

Answer 6

I know the laws, you said I let it happens, if you said if you don,t stops, I,LL reports you to the police. I do not know your age, but you have a losing battle in court, #1 you told the internet, #2 you didn,t tell his, or your parents.#3 Any marks, did he penatrate, #4 you lead him on you kiss him, you said I took my clothes off, I let it happens, you see that putting yourself up against the wall. The judges going to says you should have known better to say stops, also push him off, but !! if he forces himself onto you without your willing, then it RAPE!, I would go to nearest advocate for batter womens ,or sexually asaulted,so they are expert in this fields, I say give him the boots so he doesn,t do this to any others womens, or childs scares the craps out of him get a good legal advices.

Answer 7

NO MEANS NO, you have the right to change your mind no matter when. You might not win in court, I have no idea about that. If any thing it may be labeled as date rape. How hard did you try to stop him, did you yell or fight against him, did he force you at the point you said no. Dear, I am really not sure legally, but I hope you are ok from this. Learn from it if nothing else.

Answer 8

Coming from a victim of rape, its never your fault. Girl he held you down even when you said no. And if you took off your clothes you may have done it in fear. Don't feel ashamed, he should! He took advantage of another woman.

Answer 9

Sweetheart, did you say no? Did you say Stop? Yes you did!! He did not stop. That is rape. You did NOT let it happen! YOU SAID NO!! NO MEANS NO! So you kissed him, you took off your clothes, that did not give him the right to violate you when you said NO. Dont blame yourself.

Answer 10

YES it is rape, you did not give full consent to it therefor it is rape. The police should be notified he may have done the same to others. Do not be ashamed you are not to blame, you clearly told him you couldn't do it and he should have stopped immediately regardless of you having kissed him and removed your clothes.