I'm a 23 year old male who has been dating a girl for around a year. The problem is she asks if I'm ready to be engaged repeatedly and gets upset if I say I'm not ready yet. She doesn't understand why, If I do love her, why I won't ask her to be my wife. I do, in fact, want to marry her eventually. It's getting really frustrating though. Who's right here? What do I tell her? I need help.
2006-11-03 15:07:58 · 26 answers · asked by overlook 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Who's right? Why is that important? If you aren't ready, she needs to respect that you aren't....if she really loves you she should give you some space! If she keeps nagging; then she is obviously immature and maybe shouldn't be getting married! Good luck...
2006-11-03 15:13:08 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, you are 23 years old and it is time you learn something. Right and wrong is RELATIVE! She's ready, or really "thinks" she is ready. You are not ready, or atleast don't think you are ready. It doesn't matter, really. Don't you cave, and I hope she can be patient. What I don't like here is that she relates you not being ready for engagement to Love. This is inmature, in my opinion. It would be different if you were dating for 2-3 years...but 1? I think love gets thrown around too much. Or maybe it's more that people now days think love is something it is not. Love is more than a feeling, at times. Sometimes, love is a choice. When you are together, and commited to each other, there will be times that you will need to choose to love that significant other to preserve the relationship. Look at the divorce rate! It's startling, sad, maddening, and terrible! Think of all those children now in broken homes. Is it any wonder our society is having some of the issues it is having? We've forgotten how to get along. You are in a similar predicament. I think the best answer is that you need to atleast acknowledge her need to feel loved and monogomous. She needs to acknowledge that you need time, you need to feel comfortable and somewhat in control of this decision. I would ask if she'd be interested in any kind of promise ring or something of that order. I also suggest some premarrital counseling. Better to sort out some of these issues before the pressure of that license hanging on the wall is present. :) Good luck! Later, Matt.
2006-11-03 15:21:22 · answer #2 · answered by adtmatt 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ok this is coming from a female. I'm 32 years old, have had a few decent long term relationships and just got engaged for the first time. This type of behavior you describe is clingy, immature and controlling. Frankly it sounds very manipulative too. Trying to pressure someone into marriage is about the worst thing you can do in a relationship. (a close second to the "let's-have-a- baby-and-it'll-make- everything-better" train of thought.) You both need to have a serious sit down talk about what you want out of the relationship in the long term. Be frank and honest with each other. Are you both done with school? Established professionally? Can you afford to begin a life together? What's with the rush? What is she afraid of? On the flip side, what reservations do you have? What are your reasons for wanting to wait? You have to explore both of your views together and respect each other's feelings. And she needs to leave the guilt trips at the door. A couples counselor can help with these questions. It seems cheesy to go to a therapist but it can really help mediate the situation so that emotions don't get out of control and turn to fighting. Plus it's WAY cheaper than a wedding that ends in divorce. Trust me, I've seen it.
2006-11-03 15:38:59 · answer #3 · answered by Evildcat 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all, you need to set up a concrete boundary around this subject. A woman approaching you repeatedly about this topic is not only a major tunroff, but it forces you into a position of pwer, which while seemingly pleasant, can infect areas of your relationship with a cancer that is insidious. More on that later if you need...
I would tell her that, first of all, what if you were planning on proposing? Wouldn't she want it to be a surprise? Well, then if she keeps talking about it, there will be no surprise, now will there? If she doesn't go for that, then tell her that talking about it only makes you uncomfortable and not want to do it. That'll catch her off guard, and she'll freak out for a little while, but it will drive her to seek advice from her friends who will tell her to stop pressuring you.
As for your comment that you'll likely marry her someday, there was a Wall Street Journal article today detailing how much older, on average, we are when getting married these days, and that it is healthy for us, because we make wiser decisions on the way into the commitment. 23 is very young, and you want to establish that as your lives change, you will grow together, not apart. That test onyl comes with time, and is essential in being sure you are marrying the right person. Tell her all of that after she confronts you about being so upset about the things you said in the paragraph above.
That'll shut her up ;)
2006-11-03 15:15:31 · answer #4 · answered by longformdocs 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's not a question about who is right or who is wrong. the reason why she keeps asking you about being engaged is because she is ready to get married. If you are not ready then you are not ready. don't rush into it just because someone else is ready. if she loves you then she should be willing to wait. if she wants to get married so badly then maybe you two need to split up so she can expierence getting married. i made my boyfriend wait because i was not ready. of course he could have left at any time because he was so ready, but he did not. marriage is a huge step and should not be rushed. you simply tell her that you are not ready. when you are ready then YOU will be the one to pop the question. if not, then she can leave. don't want to sound harsh here but just a suggestion or two...
2006-11-03 15:44:26 · answer #5 · answered by cfalways 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
even nonetheless your infants have grown attatched to him it would be much less complicated so which you would be able to end it now particularly than ten years down the line. replace your locks, a descent guy isn't gonna in basic terms ensue at your door interior the path of the nighttime understanding you have infants.. even ifyou invite him to come again any time he could call yet no longer interior the path of the nighttime. is he on drugs? if he pops up lower back enable him understand which you 2 are carried out and additionally you desire him the main suitable. i became MARRIED to my older sons dad and that i submit with him too long my ex got here domicile perhaps as quickly as a week and my son became effected via this i left for my sons sake. I refuse tobe codependant and have some guy sleep below my roof whilst he isnt helpingme with my infants. your infants will admire you for respecting your self and not permitting a guy to have the administration over you. its your place your self reliant you modify the locks era. (i'm no longer being judgmental iresponded to this question with the aid of fact I went by using it. you would be able to fulfill a effective guy and whos to assert your bf will pop up? stable success! relationships paintings with the aid of fact there's a contribution being made via each and each individual who outcomes e different possitvely think to be a set and help one yet another accomplish there objectives. he doesnt sound like the only for you precise now. a minimum of you're actually not in denial with the aid of fact you sense he has some variety of stuff happening.
2016-10-03 06:25:15 · answer #6 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you know you want to marry her then what is the problem, getting engaged is not the same as getting married ( but that will began a whole new hounding) Basically its either poop or get of the pot, you can loss her this way if you don't come up with more of a explanation.
2006-11-03 15:11:45 · answer #7 · answered by fyrechick 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Duuuuuuude, i think u 're goin wrong. See i'm just 16, but still i'll try 2 hlp ya.
U godda tell her why u don' wanna marry her now, n wht ur thoughts r, i mean u 'll 've 2 council n also convince her.
Take her out for a moon light dinner n xpress ur thougts, it will work.
I don' understaand people like u man. Come on don' worry u'll get her.Try 2 b more like her instead of thinkin of ur own for a while n u'll automatically get used 2 it.
U could 've thought of this instead of wastin 5 points for it.
Anyways GOOD LUCK!!!!!!
2006-11-03 15:17:45 · answer #8 · answered by Kiru 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell her you want to be really sure before making such a serious commitment and want you and her to really get to know each other alot better such as each other's habits, quirks, etc.
Be careful, by her repeatedly asking you is not a good sign on her part.
2006-11-03 15:19:43 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Dude, you're too young to get married, go out a little more, enjoy life in your 20's get married around 30 when you've done everything you want to do, while you're semi-indestructible.
Trust me I know from experience.
People don't usually know themselves fully, until after 30.
2006-11-03 15:11:54 · answer #10 · answered by Jason W 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋