Can someone ever really get over being cheated on???????

Question

I found out two months ago that my husband cheated on me before we were married. I decided that my marriage was worth working on and he assured me that this only happened once. When I first found out he was all symphatetic to how much he had hurt me but now its like just forget about it and move on. I know that it is best to just leave it in the past if I want my marriage to work but at the same time this still hurts me more than words could even begin to describe. Like today out of nowhere it just hit me what he had done to me and I couldnt stop crying. Whenever I do try to talk to him about how I am feeling he just tells me to forget about it and he is tired of me talking about it. Its not like I talk about this everyday. I wish that I could just wake up and not even remember that this happenefd to me. He is the only person I can talk about this with because he doesnt want anybody else in our families to know. So I have to just deal with this alone. I have so much anger inside.

Answer 1

I still hurt. I was cheated on 6 months ago by my wife and I still cry. I make good money only working 30 hours a week, more than most men make in 70 hour. I'm a better than average lover and overly romantic. So, why you ask did she cheat on me after 10 years? she said "I wanted to see what it would be like without love" yes, it still hurts every day. yes, I stayed and I cope with it. yes, she acts like a huge asshole when I bring it up to cope with it.

Its not easy, Not by any means easy. If I didn't have kids I'd leave her in minutes flat. I make to much money and get hit on by to many hot women to put up with this. But, you like me know why. you think "if this person I thought would never do this could, well then anyone could. why fall in love to just get hurt again" we are now what you would call damaged goods my dear. I think all women cheat and men are mostly innocent victims. you on the other hand think all men cheat, and women are mostly victims.

Its not fair how bad your husband has hurt you, a pain that he will never know. If you don't have kds start looking for a man that will treat you right. If I had the option of not letting down my kids I would do the same. Love and trust are one singular thing, if someone openly breaks that trust with no concern for your feelings, they don't love you.


good luck and remember, not all men cheat.

Answer 2

ohhhhh hun, I have the same prob, an i mean the SAME I found out my husband cheated on me before we got married (an this was 2years ago I found out he cheat) We got married this past march.. But here it has been two years since it has happen to me an i still think about it an just cry... An all he knows is "the past is the past" An Im tired of you bringing it up all the time just forget about it" Men think we can just blink are eyes an forget it ever happen an it dont work at all that way... An theres times when i wanna talk about it I mean I want details I know its just gonna hurt me more but then again i cant help but wanna know... Its sad an it hurts very much, An I tryed to do the same thing to him to show him how it feels an I couldnt.. I know in my heart then even though he did it to me an hurt me so bad that I couldnt ever do that to him... But i dont think we'll ever goin to get over it, theres always goin to be something to remind us of that time in out life an make us hurt... We sound like we are in the same boat so maybe we can deal with it together??? E-mail me if you ever wanna talk... Best of Luck I know what your goin threw!!! ;) Sorry I wrote you a book..

Answer 3

I think it depends on the person, whether you can ever get over someone cheating on you. To forgive someone, you have to basically learn to accept what has happened and put it behind you - this means not bringing it up in fights or blaming the person anymore. If you still feel upset about it, I think it's completely natural, but maybe you have to think about whether you really have forgiven your husband - I'm not saying it's a bad thing, but, can you really trust him again? If you are hurting and angry, the issue is still unresolved, and you might want to take some time to think about where you stand.

I think maybe you should look into seeing a counselor - or maybe the both of you should see a marriage counselor together. I think building up all this anger inside would be unhealthy, and you need to express it, and how you feel. Do you have supportive friends, family members around you, to help you on your healing journey? Are there any books that could help you in this time? Have you thought about possible journaling all your thoughts and feelings, to make sense of them?

I don't think it is reasonable for him to think you should deal with this issue alone - I think you need to talk about it in order to heal. Maybe you should think about seeing a counselor - I'm not saying you are the one needing the help, but counselors often help by helping us see things in a new perspective, and can help us organize our thoughts so we can figure out what we really want.

I hope that helps.

Answer 4

Try to find someone that is a good listener so you can vent that anger. No, if you are deeply in love you will never forget. You have to decide is it worth it to remain together and you have to look at him each day. There will be times as well you may see him simply looking at a woman and you will recall what he did before and is he loyal now. I am a man and that has happened to me and I never take her back. If this only happened before you were married, it does not mean he would do it now.

Answer 5

Same situation here. Mine cheated in 2000. I cried about it so much and never thought i would get over it. Up until about 18 months ago i havent really thought about it. I think I've just tried not to think about it. The hard thing is when they tell u to get over it. They have no idea how your feeling and it will take as long as it takes. Dont let him make you feel like you have done something wrong. If he cant deal with u bringing it up, then thats his problem, he brought it on himself.

Answer 6

nov 28th will be 2 year since I found out the father of my kids cheated on me (for sure) dec 28 will be 2 years since I saw him last I am still not over it, and I dont have to see him every day or at all I should say I still have such anger towards men in general and such a lack of trust in them that I havent even bothered to try to date. I will never let anyone hurt me like that again and if that means I spend the rest of my life alone than so be it

Answer 7

Deception hurts, but whats going to destroy your marriage is you, not letting go of something that happened before you were married. My ex cheated on me before we had gotten married also, and a child resulted out of that. I was bitter toward him, the child and anybody that said anything about the child. Now the child is the innocent one here, but I didn't care. So yours could have turned out like mine, you have the power to forgive him for his indiscretion, especially since you were not married yet. Remember the enemies job is to destroy your marriage by any means necessary. If that means having you dwelling on something in the past, he will use that.
Don't let the enemy win, he hates marriage.
Remember there is power in unity.

Answer 8

it happened before u were married, u need a support system, someone u can talk to about this. a hurt heart takes its time to heal, after all u just found out. but he picked u over the other girl, he is with u, not her, this should mean something to you. yu need to go to counciling for yourself, to heal your hurts. don't focus too much on what was done before marriage, don't focus on the other woman, give him another chance. communicate the hurt. of course it hurts, he is the man u gave your heart to, and placed all your dreams in. but he did pick u over this other woman, odviously she didn't mean much to him.

Answer 9

to be honest. when i married the idea that my husband would was laughable. he cheated in a way some question as real cheating. but for me it is.

you never completely get over it. at unexpected times an image of a red flag moment can hit you. he does something slightly out of character and you immediately wonder.

No sadly it never goes back to the way it was before. but you can go on with him for this point on. as long as you can make peace with how it will haunt you and he can respect that there will be moments of doubt.

not a happily ever after. but it can be happy

Answer 10

People can get over it. Just talk to your closest friend, tell them how you feel that helps a lot. Next go out and meet new people. When you get to know more people it helps keep your mind off of it. Also pray for help on not being so hatefull towards your exhusband. When you ask for help at least your trying.