Let me straighten a few things out?

Question

I just posted a question re my children living with their father and a friend who criticised me for it.
I still see my children every weekend, and to loverboy - I was not bored, my husband was having an affair. Should I have stayed in the marriage while he was seeing the girl he now lives with?
A lot of you have been really harsh, without knowing all the details. How is it different that my children are living with their father instead of me? A lot of children live with only one of their parents. They are loved and cherished by us both, and I really wanted some advise on how to respond to my friend, not judgment on my life that you know nothing about!

Answer 1

After going back and reading your previous question, as well as this one, it seems you made the best decision for your children. It seems your friend either doesn't have all the information or just sees it as you are the one not "tied down". Maybe she's jealous that you do have free time and she doesn't, regardless of the fact that you would rather have the children with you. If she continues to criticize, I'd stop having contact with her. It wasn't her life nor her decision to make, and you did what you felt was the best thing for all involved. That's how I'd respond to her.

Answer 2

OK so you posted a question because a friend spoke her mind and you wanted the yahoo community to make you feel better. Then when a few people spoke their mind you want comforting about that. If you honestly had peace about your decision then this would not be an issue. And before you get defensive AGAIN, I had this happen to me. And no matter what you say about your kids being happy there is no way they are not feeling abandoned by you. You couldnt cope with your husband having an affair, so you left, but you have left your children to deal with her. and allow her to have the day to day responsibility of raising the most precious people you will ever have in your life.

Answer 3

I didn't see your previous post, but I just want you to know that I don't think ANYBODY has a right to criticize you about your choices. There is no reason why your children shouldn't live with their father, as long as that's agreeable to all of you. You ARE a good mother, and it's ok that the children don't see you full time. Lots of kids live in situations like yours and they are fine.

I'm glad you're not letting other people get you down.

Answer 4

being a male i have a different point of view, i congratulate you for doing what was best for the children first, its rare in our society to find parents when they divorce that do that, i had sole custody of my children not because the court did not see my x has being an honest person but because i was able to prove that i was the better parent on an ongoing basis. children when they get older have a good idea where they want to live, when parents divorce, they have a better understanding of whats happening then anyone else even the parents. tell your friend that you did what was best for the children at the time because of personel things you had to deal with, they are being looked after quite well and you support your x in the raising of your kids. other then that tell her that she will never really understand until she is in that situation because she wont

Answer 5

Hopefully my answer was not as harsh. but just to help you deal with this nosy 'friend.' i think that since you two have carefully thought it out that it was a good decision. i think that because most of the answers that you received were so harsh is because it is ingrained into our society that the woman does most of the childraising and most if not all of the child raising. so everyone that gave you such harsh answers and telling you that you were selfish were wrong to begin wtih by assuming that you were by not seeing all of the facts. i think that it is good that you continue to spend time with your children despite that you and your husband have split up. i just think that we as a people in general need to get over this notion and assumption that the woman take care of the child and the man is the provider. although that may be true back in the day and even today in some relationships (and no thanks to the media and how it is CONTSTNATLY ADVERTISED in a variety of ways) that it is not true nor does it have to be. we as a people in general need to think outside of the box. i think once we do that then we all may have better understanding towards situations that are different from what we grew up knowing, situatons that were advertised, situatoins that we assume, or situation that are different from our own. we all have the opportunity to make choices in everything we do. it's other people that have this silent expecation of what they think is right or wrong based on their upbringing or their surroundings. good luck and take care of yourself.

Answer 6

there is no way you should stay in a marriage where your spouse is cheating, life is too short for that. many times it is best for children to live with one parent.if a friend is giving advice odviously she doesn't know the pain the marriage caused u, she has never waled in your shoes. u are doing nothing wrong, he left the marriage first not you. hats off to u for having the good sense to move out of there and start a new life, while still being active in the lives of your kids.

Answer 7

I didn't even have to read your entire story to come to my conclusion........You have to take these answers w/ a grain of salt. Alot of these folks tell you to do things, or say: Girrrrrrrl I would do....., but know damn good an well they don't know what they would do if in your shoes.

There harsh cause it's an escape from the hell they live in! Use most of these answers as amusement only. Some of these people can be so critical, and can't walk and chew gum at the same time! (;

Good luck in your decisions. God Bless.

Answer 8

I don't know your situtation as I have not seen your other question, but I just wanted to say that I think it sucks when people criticize someone without knowing the whole story. I personally think it's good that both you and your children's father are involved in their lives. It's extremely important for them, even if the two of you aren't getting along... but I'm sure you know that. Good luck getting everything figured out :)

Answer 9

Hey Bab you know whats best for you and your children. As long as they are taken care of happy and have everything they need nothing wrong with them living with dad. If he is not taken care of them I'm quite sure you will see that they have what they need.
Nothing wrong with that and probably best for them at the time.

Answer 10

I think people in this forum are unnecessarily critical, try not to take it personally. Most of us post here because we are hurting, not because we want a lecture....but some feel the need to be nasty. Hopefully there are some that give you the sympathy you are looking for.