I left my husband last year, and after careful discussion we both decided that our two children should live with him in the family home so that they weren't too disrupted.
I thought we were doing the right thing, and while it's been very hard for me (I miss the kids so much) they are happy and settled with their father.
A 'friend' of mine that I have known for fourteen years sent me a text last weekend telling me that I should 'stop playing games and go back to my husband and children where I belong'. When I confronted her she lied and said she didn't send the text.
Two days later I received a letter in the mail from her admitting that she had sent the text unintentionally, but that she stood by what she said. In the letter she told me that I had abandoned my children, that they belonged with me, and that a woman's place is in the home. She said I should stop pretending to be single and go home to my husband, but we both have new relationships and the kids are happy and settled.
2006-11-03 12:28:18 · 19 answers · asked by Amy D 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
okay what you do is nothing. You and your ex know what is best for the both of you and both of your children but i have had the same thing happen recently with a family member doing the same but critizeing me about my children and they are with me but she isnt happy with my new relationship so here is the letter i wrote her feel free to use it it you do feel the need to respond but like i said its your life and her opinion is her opinion she should keep it to herself if she has to write it in a letter instead of haveing a grown up conversation with you about it so here is the letter i hope this helps good luck and best wishes.
Dear____________,
Thank you for being concerned about my life it means alot to me but this is something that concerned my ex and myself and our children. We both have discussed our problems and decided that us not being together would be the best thing for us. As for our children we felt it would be best for them to stay right where they are without makeing them take a dramatic leap into a new home my ex is a good father and father's have the same intentions as mothers and that is to do the best for the children well actually only good fathers feel that way so with him even accepting to do that to me proves his children are important and that we will do the best for them even though i am not there they are still my kids and i can still be there for them and they know i am here for them. Two people who cant be together happily shouldn't be together at all because it makes the children see that we are unhappy and who wants to grow up with parents that are unhappy and cant stand to be together when they can see how happy we can be and still talk and get along that way everyone can move on without ruining anyones lives. The kids still have both of us and two different homes just means a bigger back yard. Please respect our wishes my place isnt at home to be unhappy and live life wondering if there ever was happiness in this world in the first place my place is to make sure i am happy a happy and healthy me makes for happy and healthy children I mean no disrespect to you and hope that this doesnt come between our friendship but i have to do what i have to do and if you are a freind you will stand beside me in whatever i chose to do.
and if that doesnt work tell her opinions are like buttholes everyone has one.
2006-11-03 12:54:13 · answer #1 · answered by nuzzihuzzi 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell this woman it is none of her business. Some marriages just don't work but it sounds like you and your ex have given careful consideration to the entire situation and it seems as though your children are happy and well-adjusted (as much as they can be). She's not your friend...don't associate with her anymore. Continue with what you are doing and make sure those kids feel loved by both parents...getting back together would only cause conflict and send the kids mixed messages. Good luck!
2006-11-03 20:34:56 · answer #2 · answered by kimmer 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I'm not going to say anything harsh but...
you do need to keep seeing your kids quite a few times a week
you may be doing that i don't know
because I think a child does have more of a bonding with the Mum because they grew inside the Mum
If the kids feel real loved by you they will have a much better life when they grow up ...but if they feel abandoned by you, well you know they will be unhappy all of their life & something will be always missing & they wont be able to have very good relationships
good luck to you
2006-11-03 21:01:33 · answer #3 · answered by ausblue 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If this was truly a mutual decision and not you being found unfit, then as long as you're having a presence in their life, it should not matter whether they are with you or him. So long as they are happy and well cared for. I stress that you need to have a presence in their lives. Nothing worse than therapy down the road and they're telling the shrink that the reason they're so messed up is because they never had a relationship with their mom.
As for your friend, tell her to shove her opinion up her a$$!
2006-11-03 21:58:55 · answer #4 · answered by Chris 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
How did she make you feel? Shame is the most destructive emotion in the human Psyche. Do what makes sense and feels right to you. Your friend may want you to be happy, but this is not a topic which you can afford to be pushed into an easy solution. If you want to make a fresh start, you can do this, but only you know what is right for you and when you are ready to take the next step.
2006-11-03 20:37:09 · answer #5 · answered by shapsjo 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Whether she's right or wrong doesn't matter. It's just her opinion. Just tell her u realize that's her opinion but she really needs to stay out of it as it's none of her business anyway. This issue is not something that's going to affect her.
Besides, if u know u did the right thing for your children then nobody else's opinion should matter but u and your husband's and u certainly don't need validation for it.
2006-11-03 20:37:27 · answer #6 · answered by cheetah7 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you did the right thing. People should think of what is best for the children before themselves. When it comes to your friend, she needs to mind her own business and let you live your new life. Get a new friend and I respect you for making such a hard decision.
2006-11-03 20:36:44 · answer #7 · answered by Bulldog 66 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She has no right to say anything to you about that. It's none of her business. If what I read is correct then you did the best thing you could for your children and I applaud you for that. Pay no attention to that woman and continue to do the right thing for all involved. Good Luck.
2006-11-03 20:35:26 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well. happiness is not a state of mind but a reaction to something good happening. and i sense u live for happiness rather that goals and striving for peace. you did abandon your children , let me guess u were just no longer happy and it was boring, well get used to it, what happens when u get tired of this relationship? more kids left behind? well i will leave you with your wedding vows. you know what they were. till death due you part??
2006-11-03 20:41:47 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
No matter what you do in life, there is always someone with harsh, judgmental words. If the current situation is working for your family, then carry on and don't let others bring you down. Afterall, it's really none of their business.
2006-11-03 20:35:00 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋