I just broke up with my girlfriend to give my exwife a 2nd try...?

Question

My ex left me when I was in jail. (long story) I met a new girl after I had been out for a year, I was really falling for her. Then my exwife shows up with a daughter I never knew about. (paternity tests show she's mine). I realized that while I was very, very angry with my wife for leaving me, that I still love her, that all of my feelings are unresolved with her. I didn't feel it was right to stay with my current girlfriend when I was having feelings like that. Did I do the right thing? Should I try to be friends with my now ex-girlfriend? We've tried to talk, but only very briefly and it's been obviously awkward.

Thanks for all of the answers so far. I just feel so guilty... even though I think I did the right thing.

Answer 1

I personally think you have made a smart move and are taking responsibility for what is yours. I would NOT stay with or talk with the ex girlfriend. (why mess up what you are trying to recreate). I can understand why you were made at your wife, but she is your wife and more importantly the daughter is yours.

Answer 2

You did and are doing the right thing in examining your feelings about your ex-wife. Are the two of you planning on getting back together? If so, then the "current girlfriend" HAS to be history. If you and your ex-wife are just going to be good parents, but seperate, then you need to deal with all the anger and unresolved stuff BEFORE you start a relationship with another woman. If not, all of you will suffer. Get over the feelings in anycase, in anyway you can, (I suggest counseling, but I'm a woman and we like to talk it out) before you embark on any relationship. This will be especially important for your daughter. She needs a daddy in her life who does not hold grudges.

Good Luck and try to remember who is important here....the CHILD!

Answer 3

Are you prepared to face the very real possibility that your ex will walk away from you again if the going gets tough? I have found that if a relationship doesn't work out the first time, it's highly unlikely that it will work out a second or third time. It may very well be that the feelings you have are from memories of times past that you would like to see again and not current feelings. Personally I would never have left a good relationship to try to rekindle an old relationship, but then again, that's just me. Good luck to you.

Answer 4

I feel that you have done the right thing in breaking off your relationship because you feel for another. Your situation is quite complicated (i'm sure you already know that), but not unique. Take it one step at a time:) It may be to early for your exgf (the one you just broke up with) to have a friendship with you.. Just take it slow.. Just be single a little bit before your persue either woman...This will give you time to have some clarity about what you are doing. Instead of focusing on your women for now, try focusing on your new daughter... It may be all you need:) Good Luck, and CONGRATULATIONS:)

Answer 5

You were to right to breakup with gf while having those feelings and a with a child in the picture you owe it to yourself and the rest of you to try to work it out if you think there is an possibility of making it work. I'm sure the GF is hurt, but imagine what she would feel done the road if you don't get some resolution of the other issues. With any luck you will be able to have a conversation with her and she will understand. Good luck with all that you are facing.

Answer 6

Since you still have feelings for your ex-wife, and you think you can make a go of it, I think it was an honest thing to do in letting your girlfriend go.

But, as far as keeping the friendship with the ex-girlfriend, I do not recommend it. If you are wanting to have a productive go at it with your wife, it is best to consider the ex-girlfriend part of you past.

Good luck and stay kewl!

Answer 7

You need to come clean with your girlfriend, and get into a few sessions of marriage counseling with your ex. She left you for a reason. If that reason is still there, your attempt at reconciliation is doomed. You must get those resolved, and you can only do that with help -- a third party who sees things more clearly that either of you can. It may be that you cannot reconcile your marriage. and you will find that out -- sure worth the small amout of buckos to cut to the core of it all-----And if it is not going to work, then, get on with your life, and let her do that as well. Remain cordial -- you have a child together who has a right to know her father, particularly if you have straightened up your act. You owe it not only to yourself, but to both women to find out where your head is. Good luck, hon.

Answer 8

Yes you did a good thing. I think you should try very hard to make your marriage work. (For better or Worse). And no you should not make nice with your ex girlfriend. You said yourself you were falling for her and if you are trying to make things up with your wife then you cant let your almost falling in love feelings with your ex girlfriend interfere. Cut off all ties with her it will lead to nothing but trouble otherwise. Good luck to you!

Answer 9

Only giving it another try will answer your questions. As for your (now ex) girlfriend. I am sure she is feeling hurt and blindsided right now so I would distance myself until her feelings subside. Also for your sake to keep away from potential temptation when things at home are not necessarily in-sync.

Good Luck and congratulations on the little girl.

Answer 10

I think you did the right thing. Your kid needs both parents in a loving home. You shouldn't try to remain friends with the ex. It will only cause problems. She may be hurt now, but it is best in the long run.