What if you married someone who has kids, and later find out the kids are rude and disrespectful to you?

Question

My bestfriend is has been married to this guy for 2 years and he has 2 daughters that are 16 and 17. These girls treat my bestfriend terrible. My bestfriend loves her husband so much that she doesn't want to hurt him by telling him how his daughters treat her. She also doesn't want to say anything to girls, because she doesn't want them to think she's mean. What should she do?

Answer 1

She needs to speak with her husband. It is her right as his wife to let him know this. His kids will continue to do this to her and test to see how far they can get if she doesn't say anything. Remember his kids are at the rebellious age and naturally they will rebel against their step mom. Keeping quiet about it will not change her situation.

Answer 2

Surely if they have been married for 2 years her husband would have picked on the idea that there are problems with his wife and daughters. In fairness to his daughters they are at a very hard age at the moment, but that does not give them the right to be rude and disrespectful to your friend. Do the daughters live with them?, if yes your friend will have to say something to her husband eventually or it will end up breaking up there marriage. Another thing l would say something to the daughters about how rude they are as they are probably testing the water still just to see exactly what they can get away with. Unless something is said they will continue to be rude, don't worry about them thinking she is mean, they are certainly not worried about her feelings or they would be treating her with respect.The bottom line is if her husband loves her enough he will support her in whatever she decides to do.Tell her not to be afraid of hurting her husband, he would probably be more hurt by the way his daughters have been treating his wife and not being told about it.Honesty is always the best policy.If nothing is done the problems will only get worse and will end up breaking up there marriage anyway. Tell her just to go for it. Good Luck , but l'm sure she wont need it. Everything will work out fine once it is all out in the open.

Answer 3

And your friend is suprised that these daughter are treating her badly, why??????? She has taken the place of their mother!!!!! And that mom may or may not have been a good mom, but 16 and 17 year olds don't see things the way adults do. About the only way she can ever expect any respect as the lady of the house if for them all to get into counseling for a few sessions. And she needs to share with her husband that his daughters are (in a word) brats toward her. Unless she does, there will be no change -- these girls have no reason to change!!!!!! easy.

Answer 4

She needs to let her husband know what is going on. She might not be their mother and will never take her place but they need to respect her. She is the woman that their father chose to be his life partner so they need to show respect and if there is a problem her husband needs to be informed before it gets worse and the ex is on her tail for things there telling her and for her not telling her husband. They are his kids and he can fix this if he loves her he will put his foot down and make sure they treat her right and she isnt going to hurt him as long as she isnt just saying things to savage his relationship w/his daughters.

Answer 5

It's odd that she married a man without even knowing his children, but that aside, she most certainly needs to discuss the situation with him so that they can act as a parenting unit to make the daughters behave. As their stepmom, she deserves to be treated with the same respect as their biological parents. In addition, how can they ever have a stable relationship if their is going to be constant tension between her and his daughters?

Answer 6

im in the same boat... the 10 year old girl of my new husband is great, his 12 year old son is a little F@#$. we,ve had lots of family meetings to kept everyone current on what is expected of them. even if they are 16 and 17 these girls need displine,
very few children these days have respect for adults especially
for there parents/step parent--we are also seeking family counciling---good luck to your friend

Answer 7

address the problem. tell your friend to confront her husband with the truth as to how she is being treated. Even at 16-17 kids need to be taught respecting others is required if you want to be respected as well.

Answer 8

well im married to a man who has a daughter by a previous relationship and 9 times out of ten its there mother who has them doing it my step daughter done the same thing and i told her you will not disrespect me in my home she told me that her mom said i was a whore and a s!ut and i got pissed and told her well you tell your mom that isnt that the pot calling the kettle black , i knew who my babies daddy was her mother didnt and when it came down to it my husband found out how she was because i tape her and put her @ss on video camera and played it to her daddy and that was that and she lied and talk to him like **** and she is her mothers daughter but she will treat me with respect are she can stay away bottom line and im not playing .

Answer 9

wow, getting involved before knowing the whole family she married into? big risk. and trying to make everyone happy? at her expense?
sounds like some counseling and family counseling might be in order.
but i suggest she addresses her issues first.
she would not hurt him by saying how she feels about being mistreated by the daughters.
she may not want to risk offending him .
she lets people, children?!, walk over her so she doesn't appear mean?
what?
i'd be encouraging and supportive by joining her in a support group until she is ready to pick herself up and stop being a doormat!

Answer 10

Talk to the husband, he will understand if he is a man worth loving, and for the girls just slap them.