Men who have sex with men. Do you define them as gay? Why?

Question

In my experience, gay is a self definition. I have had sex with a number of men who do not define themselves as gay, as I define myself and do not appear to be ashamed of their sexuality. Further, "gay' seems to be a Western concept; I understand that in other cultures it is accepted that men have sex with men but that this behaviour is not gay. NOTE: This Q does not require any A's about bisexuality - another Q altogether thanks.

Thanks for your answers so far but it would be nice if you bothered to read my Q - I am clearly out and proud. A bit of thoughtful consideration would also be much appreciated but I can't really expect that from dim American homophobes. Are there some intelligent English people out there?

Answer 1

Men who have sex with men are homosexual/gay or bisexual. Situational or institutional homosexuality (prisoners as an example) does not indicate anything more than what it is, all that is available, and not indicative of what they are.

Homosexuality exist in all cultures, but some cultures repress it more than others. "Gay" is however a term used in most all modern societies and understood to mean exclusively homosexual or predominately homosexual.

Ancient Greeks are said to have practiced homosexuality as normal part of human sexuality with no stigma. That isn't really the case, it was generally seen as situational homosexuality, and not particularly condoned, but rather tolerated in some segments of society.

Today, if it walks like a duck, quacks like a duck, its a duck...a big gay duck!

Answer 2

Oh, Marie. I can't get a read on you; you write eloquently and seem to have this stuff on the brain, but you're not exactly being antagonistic. I just want to know what you want to get out of asking this question. Anyhow, yes, men are usually more sex-driven because of their amount of testosterone and male socialization which teaches boys that masculinity and virility is equated with sexual conquest and encourages them to be sexual. However, I think that women are just as capable of being as sexual creatures, despite not having rampant amounts of testosterone; I think that female sexual socialization has a lot to do with it. But yes, on a whole, women do tend to relate sex more with emotion. And no, when people say they are born gay, they don't mean they have hormonal imbalances. They are alluding to a gay gene in their DNA makeup. I myself don't believe that sexual orientation is a genetic trait (but it's definitely not a conscious choice, either), or if there is a genetic component, then it's not just that which determines sexuality, but a complex interaction between genetics, environment, childhood, psychology, personality, and more. But all the studies I've read have shown that gay men and lesbians have completely normal levels of estrogen and testosterone, just like heterosexual men and women. I know you said in another answer that there are studies saying the opposite; would you message me where I might find them? I'm always intrigued to read the latest research. Anyhow, as for 'the most well adjusted people in life are the ones who have been raised by the wonderful influence a father and mother can bring to a child', I just don't think I agree. I highly think this is going to depend on the people involved, be they gay, straight, whatever. Once again, I'd like to see the scientific studies that 'prove' this. And as for religion . . . well, religion tells us a lot of things. Wasn't too long ago that some religions were quite fond of cannibalism and human sacrifice. Anything that I believe in religion (things like not stealing, lying, committing adultery, being kind to one another) are all things I believe because I can attest to their morality in the secular world, too. So I don't care what religion has to say about how to raise a family, because outside of a religious sphere, all I see is good things happening from children raised in the variety of non-traditional households: single parents, amicably divorced parents, gay parents, etc.. Hope that helps.

Answer 3

What cultures consider men having sex with men is not homosexual behaviour? I know this is another question, but I don't understand. Gay is a definition, self or otherwise, of homosexual behavior.

Answer 4

Gay:
1 a : happily excited : MERRY b : keenly alive and exuberant : having or inducing high spirits
2 a : BRIGHT, LIVELY b : brilliant in color
3 : given to social pleasures; also : LICENTIOUS
4 a : HOMOSEXUAL b : of, relating to, or used by homosexuals

I define things by their definition not by voices in my head so if they were having sex they would be by defintion gay as in homosexual. I dont see any evidence that homosexuality is a western concept, and dude your gay.

Answer 5

What you're posting about is actually gay personified. Regardless of the labels you identify with, you are still gay for the fact that you sleep with men. I believe it is better for you to accept this soon. It will make things less confusing for you.

Answer 6

Sex with memebers of the same sex is considered homosexuality if it involves some kind of orgasm, right?

Gay is simply a slang term for homosexuality, right?

Answer 7

I consider them as gay because of the act. They do not because of the way they feel or their perception of a gay male who the cannot relate to

Answer 8

If you have sex with people of the same gender then you are gay or that word you don't want us to answer with.

Answer 9

men having sex with men is basically the definition of gay, regardless of what you want to identify with.

Answer 10

If they weren't gay they wouldn't be having sex with each other.
Tammi Dee